takuan
Steel Johnson
Posts: 154
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Post by takuan on Apr 25, 2019 23:46:00 GMT
In a gym, somewhere out there, Broman Gains takes a moment out of his busy workout schedule to say. "Y'know I been watchin' the Purple Jacket bounce back and forth for a while now. I woulda got into it earlier but it's like, every time the challenges are open I'm in the middle of a workout and they're closed by the time I'm done. Don't you people have, like, jobs or workout routines? Anyways, Tomas the Tiny Giant? I think I can take him. How much does he even lift? Not as much as me, probably." |
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Post by Love Wilcox on Apr 26, 2019 8:19:34 GMT
This is going to be a bloodbath! xD I WAS RIGHT! xD |
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Post by amsterDAN on Apr 28, 2019 6:07:10 GMT
At LPJ’s Dirty Thirty Hardcore Extravaganza, little big man Tomas out-hardcored everyone else and won his gangly ass an ill-fitting coat. Will we see more of the same savage violence from him tonight, or will Tomas falter when there aren’t weapons every which way? In the opposite corner, we have the debut of the physically fit and ridiculously named Broman Gains, proud owner of a delightful topknot hairdo. Can Broman out-do the champ, or will Tomas drag this muscular man around the ring by his strange sprig of hair and bury him? RESULTTomas defeats Broman Gains
13:06
89%
Someone forgot to tell Tomas that this one wasn’t a hardcore match! Broman bruised the slender man up pretty good, but he began bleeding fairly early on after inadvertently belly-flopping onto a fluorescent light tube during a suplex on the outside, and this seemed to slowly but surely drain him of strength. By the end of it, he just couldn’t withstand a swift tap from a Ball Peen Hammer. Tomas retains. |
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Fury
JIM MINY
Posts: 53
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Post by Fury on Apr 28, 2019 13:35:51 GMT
*** Crusher Sato paces back and forth in front of the camera with a scowl on his face. He pauses and looks into the camera. ***
Sato: The last time I was in the ring I was defending my jacket against 3 worthy competitors. The jacket raised my profile and had me appearing on interviews broadcast all over the world! I was starting to feel like I was getting the respect that I deserve. The respect that I trained hard to get! I lost the match, but that’s no surprise when it’s 3 on 1. Tomas, the question I ask you is can you beat me 1 on 1? Let’s find out!
*** Sato makes a throat slashing gesture as the scene fades to black. ***
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Post by amsterDAN on Apr 28, 2019 14:00:15 GMT
You know what? I agree that Crusher Sato got a bit of a raw deal during his short title reign. By a stroke of bad luck (for him at least), Crusher was our brand-new champ going into the Dirty 30th episode and had to defend in a fatal four-way right off the bat, and never even had the opportunity to fight a single singles match as our jacketmaster. For that reason, I'll give him this shot at Tomas, one-on-one. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Can Crusher Sato become our first ever TWO-TIME purple jacket champ, now that Luna Lacroix's distracting ass won't be relentlessly swiveling her luscious hips at him? Find out here in a little bit!
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Post by amsterDAN on Apr 30, 2019 15:13:59 GMT
Previously on LPJ, Crusher Sato was briefly our purple jacket champion but lost his coat straight away in a fatal four-way. Feeling as though he was cheated out of a longer and more glorious title reign, Crusher Sato has returned to the set of LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET to lay down a fresh challenge to the man who made off with the jacket, Tomas the Tiny Giant, and this time it’s just the two of them, one-on-one. Will Tomas continue his bloodstained winning ways, or will Crusher Sato become our first-ever two-time champion? RESULTCrusher Sato defeats Tomas
15:57
86%YOUR WINNER AND TWO-TIME PURPLE JACKET CHAMP…
CRUSHER SATO! Welp, it was Tomas’ idea to bring that barbed-wire baseball bat into the ring in the first place. That proved to not be a particularly good idea at all. Crusher crushes tiny Tomas to take back the jacket! |
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Post by faulknasty on Apr 30, 2019 19:58:58 GMT
*Cody's face appears on a screen*
"WHAT BULL SHIT! Sato gets another shot at the Jacket because he lost it in a fatal four way! Well I guess not everybody can be like me and defend the Jacket in a multiman match. Oh right I am the only one to defend the title in a multiman match after I put HGW to sleep permanently, as 'I said goodnight sweet prince.' I am the best Jacket holder there has ever been and I am insulted that crying about losing the jacket in a multiman match gets you a chance to win it back. I cannot stand back and let this whiney bullshit soil such a great achievement and beautiful jacket."
*Cody's views do not reflect my(Faulknasty) views, He is just very upset. He loved that Jacket. It was purple.*
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Post by amsterDAN on May 2, 2019 0:06:38 GMT
It sounds to me like Cody wants a second crack at that purple jacket. And since I don't see anyone else around here with the balls to call out ol' Crusher Sato, you know what? YOU GOT IT CODY. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Let's see if Cody can't take down our first two-time champion, and in the process become our second two-time champion.
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Post by amsterDAN on May 2, 2019 14:30:40 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #33guest starring faulknasty and Fury THE RETURN OF THE ONE-NAMED MANCODYVSOUR VERY FIRST TWO-TIME LPJ CHAMPIONCRUSHER SATOPreviously on LUXURIOUS PURPS… Crusher Sato took out Tomas the Tiny Giant to begin his second reign as LPJ champion, but another former champ has taken exception to Crusher Sato’s favorable treatment and demanded another jacket crack of his own. Can Crusher Sato hold off Cody and thwart his relentless pursuit of purple attires, or will The Man With One Name storm back into LPJ and take back what’s rightfully his? Find out next on today’s edition of LPJ!
RESULTSCrusher Sato defeats Cody
12:58
87%
Cody appeared to have the match won after hitting Crusher with a devastating GSC, but in his excitement Cody forget to keep Crusher’s legs clear of the ropes. A small but absolutely crucial mistake, and Crusher was sure to capitalize on it, hitting Cody with a brutal powerbomb to end it immediately afterwards. Crusher Sato retains the purple jacket. |
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aroo
Steel Johnson
Snackdown
Posts: 243
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Post by aroo on May 4, 2019 2:10:47 GMT
Somewhere in someplace at some point in time El Menton: Wait a minute, what happened to that Purple Jacket thing we had.
Root of the Problem: What purple jacket? We haven't won 'a' Purple Jacket at all.
El Menton: No, the Post-it-Note that said IOU for that Purple Jacket thing. Didn't we win that?
Root of the Problem: Yeah, like five pages ago. What even happened since then?
El Menton: Didn't a lamppost become champion or something?
Root of the Problem: ...
El Menton: Regardless. I'm here to challenge for the thing. I mean we, we gotta challenge for the thing! Think 'bout it, man. Me, wearin the Officially Branded Critical Club Grand Prix Championship. You, wearin the Officially Branded Purple Jacket. And besides, it's a two on one handicap match. We got this, man.
Root of the Problem: Yeah, but according to the rules, its a best out of three. I go first, you go second, then I'll come in and take the scraps.
El Menton: Or, I go first, you go second, and then I'll tap him out with my Chinlock on the third fall. It's the best way to deal with someone like Crusher Sato.
Root of the Problem: You....you got that right. We'll do it that way. Crusher Sato, we'll take you on in the ring! The odds are stacked against you, when you face both a monster like me, and a champion like El Menton!
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Post by amsterDAN on May 7, 2019 23:43:01 GMT
Many, many episodes ago, the team of El Menton & Root of the Problem competed in a tag match against two pink idiots, and their reward for winning that match was a small slip of purple paper. This mysterious post-it note gave them the ability to call for one of a variety of strangely-stipulated purple jacket matches, and tonight they’re finally cashing in! This match will be one-on-one, best-two-of-three falls, but the team of Root and El Menton will be alternating against our champion Crusher Sato. Have these two odd-looking dudes chosen the correct time to crash the party, or will Crusher keep on kicking everyone’s asses all over the place? FIRST FALL
SECOND FALL
WAS THERE A THIRD FALL?NOPE. RESULTFirst FallCrusher Sato defeats Root of the Problem
6:45
65%Second FallCrusher Sato KOs El Menton
7:39
64%CRUSHER SATO GOES ON A RAMPAGE. I certainly wasn’t expecting that particular outcome. In two of our shortest matches to date, Crusher Sato absolutely annihilates his competition, laying waste to both Root of the Problem and El Menton in around the time it would take to run one ordinary singles match, sealing the deal with a devastating KO on poor old El Menton. Crusher Sato is starting to look pretty unstoppable out there. Will anyone ever extract this man from the jacket, or do we just need to get used to looking at that lovely head of hair on a regular basis?
CHALLENGES ARE... |
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Post by LankyLefty17 on May 8, 2019 0:10:57 GMT
Meanwhile, just outside the lounge...
Drunk as a skunk, standing staring at the back door of the lounge, with a slight sway, is "Masshole" Tommy O'Malley. And boy, does he look angry. His drinking buddy and tag team partner Joey O'Shea walks over...
Joey: Where you been Tommay? I ain't seen you in weeks.
Tommy: MotherfuckerIbeen...RIGHT HERE. Stupidfuckingbitch thinks he can KICK ME out. He gottaanother thing comin.
Joey: Who ya talkin about Tommay?
Tommy: Right FUCKIN HERE. That fucking asshole bouncer wont let me in. But Imgonnah get in.
Joey: You lookin ta win that fuckin jacket?
Tommy: Imlookin ta STEAL that jacket...
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Post by faulknasty on May 8, 2019 0:32:58 GMT
Meanwhile, just outside the lounge...
Drunk as a skunk, standing staring at the back door of the lounge, with a slight sway, is "Masshole" Tommy O'Malley. And boy, does he look angry. His drinking buddy and tag team partner Joey O'Shea walks over...
Joey: Where you been Tommay? I ain't seen you in weeks.
Tommy: MotherfuckerIbeen...RIGHT HERE. Stupidfuckingbitch thinks he can KICK ME out. He gottaanother thing comin.
Joey: Who ya talkin about Tommay?
Tommy: Right FUCKIN HERE. That fucking asshole bouncer wont let me in. But Imgonnah get in.
Joey: You lookin ta win that fuckin jacket?
Tommy: Imlookin ta STEAL that jacket...
Is the bouncer just the light post?
[\spoiler]
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Post by amsterDAN on May 9, 2019 16:22:59 GMT
Meanwhile, just outside the lounge...
Drunk as a skunk, standing staring at the back door of the lounge, with a slight sway, is "Masshole" Tommy O'Malley. And boy, does he look angry. His drinking buddy and tag team partner Joey O'Shea walks over...
Joey: Where you been Tommay? I ain't seen you in weeks.
Tommy: MotherfuckerIbeen...RIGHT HERE. Stupidfuckingbitch thinks he can KICK ME out. He gottaanother thing comin.
Joey: Who ya talkin about Tommay?
Tommy: Right FUCKIN HERE. That fucking asshole bouncer wont let me in. But Imgonnah get in.
Joey: You lookin ta win that fuckin jacket?
Tommy: Imlookin ta STEAL that jacket...
While Massholes Tommy and Joey continue to drunkenly discuss a way for Tommy to sneak in and steal The Luxurious Purple Jacket, the Luxury Lounge's bouncer - conveniently named The Bouncer - is out making his rounds, sweeping the dark alleyways surrounding the building with a maglite and looking for trouble. He turns the corner and finds precisely that. THE BOUNCER: Hey, you there! What the hell do you think you're doing back here? I coulda sworn we 86'd you asshole Massholes the other day! It takes Tommy and Joey's bleary, inebriated eyes a few moments to focus well enough to be able to tell who's suddenly started yelling at them, and when they finally do they look alarmed. Joey takes off running down the alleyway, hopping a chain-link fence at the end of it and disappearing into the night. Tommy stands his ground, not necessarily because he wants to but because he's simply too wasted to walk away. The Bouncer marches right up to him and grabs Tommy forcefully by the neck. THE BOUNCER: You damned drunken idiot, if you still haven't learned your lesson yet, I guess I have no other choice than to beat some sense into you...
That's right you guys, we're having ourselves another super duper special non-jacket match! Tommy O'Malley vs The Bouncer will take place shortly! Since Tommy's fight is with our security staff and not our current champion Crusher Sato, this means that challenges for the LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET are still sitting wide open for anyone to get in on! |
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Post by amsterDAN on May 11, 2019 4:48:56 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #34 AND ⅓featuring our good friend LankyLefty17 A SUPER DUPER SPECIAL
NON-JACKET MATCH
OUT IN THE PARKING LOTAN ALWAYS INEBRIATED MASSHOLE NAMEDTOMMY O’MALLEYVSOUR EXTREMELY STRICT HEAD OF SECURITYTHE BOUNCER Many moons ago, Tommy O’Malley of Warrior Pro had himself a few too many drinks at the Luxury Lounge and was banned from the premises after making an absolute ass of himself. On his way out, one of our streetlamps gave him the old what-for and coldly KO’d the bumbling Bostonian. Now he’s back and looking to get revenge on the entire LPJ organization by breaking in and stealing the most coveted prize in all of professional wrestling, our LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET, currently held by Crusher Sato. Unfortunately for the New England nitwit, our head of security The Bouncer is already on his case, having stumbled upon Tommy and his tag-team partner Joey O’Shea lurking around in our alleyway. While Joey was able to make a hasty escape, Tommy did not succeed in evading our dreaded doorman. The Bouncer has decided to give Tommy the business this time around, and dragged his drunken ass over to a wrestling ring we just so happen to have set up out in our parking lot. A bus full of German tourists has pulled over and unloaded so that the curious Krauts can witness the spectacle. Will The Big Bad Bouncer banish the boozy-breathed Bostonian once and for all, or will Masshole O’Malley manage to smash his way past our staff and slip into the building on his clandestine quest for the purple jacket? Sorry, but I'm subjecting you all to a thirty-second trial of one of my new loading screens at the start of the video.
I can already hear it's too loud. What else do you reckon sucks about it?
AFTER THE MATCHTommy springs back up to his feet, looking stunned that he won. The referee grabs him by the wrist and raises his hand while all the onlooking Germans applaud politely. Tommy looks down at The Bouncer, who is still out like a light. Then he looks across the parking lot, to the main door into the LPJ building which stands wide open and completely unguarded. Tommy vaults out of the ring, runs across the lot, and slips inside... QUICK RESULTTommy O’Malley defeats The Bouncer
10:00
56%TOMMY O’MALLEY IS LOOSE INSIDE THE BUILDING! At first it looked like The Bouncer had a handle on things, which wasn’t much of a surprise since he’s had years of experience beating up drunks. But the resilient Masshole managed to boot and rally and hit our head of security with a sudden, devastating driver to win this confrontation and sneak back into the building. Will Tommy be able to find his way up to the Luxury Lounge and succeed in his mission to abscond with our immaculate jacket? |
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