Aftermath is traditionally the biggest show on the SWA calendar, the big "season finale" where everything comes together. Tournament winners challenge champions, blood feuds culminate, hatchets are buried, and new chapters begin, both for wrestlers and for the promotion itself. This is the most exciting time of year to be an SWA fan.
At least, that's the idea. If you've been an SWA fan as long as I have, you start to notice that sometimes, Aftermath fucking sucks. Sometimes the challengers are unexciting, the matches are unsatisfying, and everything just feels like it's in a holding pattern waiting for the fresh blood that typically comes between Aftermath and Emergence. So, where did 2023's show land us? Was this an exciting climax to the year? Or a mammoth-sized turd in the punch bowl? Let's get right to it.
Connor Cipris, Lina, Shannon Fulmar, and Regina Ibanez vs. Aaron Wolff, Valkyrie Jameson, Brianna Dalton, and Raven BriarsI've said my piece a number of times about these pointless low-card tag clusterfucks. They don't move anything forward, and they're just there to get names on the card and fill out matches. The scale for them usually goes from "ASS" to "Meh".
That said, for what this was, it was decent enough. Lina and Valkyrie, in particular, were highlights of the match, and Lina continues to show off her now-legendary toughness every chance she gets. This woman does not wrestle like someone who wants to still be walking in 5 years, let alone wrestling, and fuck me if it isn't entertaining as hell. Every feat of strength Valkyrie could pull off, every crushing lariat or devastating slam, Lina got right back up and asked for more. This feud has legs, and managed to drag what would otherwise be another dull tag clusterfuck right up into decent territory. If only they would get time for a singles match on a PPV. I seriously don't get what SWA management's deal is regarding Lina the last few years. 44 really isn't that old, and when she's still going at a level like this, why the ass aren't they featuring her more?
The rest of the match was... well, it was fine I guess. Everyone looked good, and nothing stood out as bad. But I was always just waiting for Lina and Valkyrie to get back in the ring. The BHB team emerged victorious when Connor and Shannon both locked in their big submission finishers on Aaron Wolff at the same time (which looked fuckin' vicious by the way), and that was that.
The Nerd's Rating: Watchable/10
El Rey Dorado, Fabio Silva, and Javier Valiente vs. Chad Jackson, El Halcon Loco Jr., and Kara SternI don't think Javier Valiente really fits in Los Diablos. Sure, he's a bit of a prankster, but he just doesn't have the kind of inherent shitheadedness that the rest of the faction does. Any time he was in the ring, this was almost a normal wrestling match, with a few shenanigans and pranks here and there. Comparing it to what was going on when El Rey Dorado or Fabio motherFUCKING Silva (who was back to the ring earlier than I expected goddammit) was in the ring reminded me why I used to fuckin' hate these guys so much. Referee misdirections, double-teaming, bullshit on the outside, this match was a greatest hits of Los Diablos' most hatable crap, right down to a completely needless beatdown on Chad Jackson after they'd already won, a beatdown that I note Javier didn't participate in. Don't be surprised if he drifts away from the faction in the coming months.
The Nerd's Rating: Ugh/10
Armel St. Martin and Hanami Watanabe vs. Jake Adair and Lexi HeartThis one should've been a banger. Hanami Watanabe and Lexi Heart's dislike for each other isn't fading at all with time, and they were quite eager to beat the shit out of each other here. Meanwhile, Armel St. Martin seemed motivated to take down Jake Adair after losing to him in the World Open, and Jake actually pulled some rarely-seen anger out of Armel. Jake was quick to tag in when Hanami was in the ring, but just as quick to tag out whenever Armel came after him, and that frustration on Armel's part boiled over into some of the nastiest strikes we've ever seen him throw. Meanwhile, Lexi steadily got tired of Jake's shit because she wanted to be the one fighting Hanami. This led to blind tags and argument on that side of the ring, which Armel and Hanami took advantage of to secure the win.
Jake's bullshit really weighed this match down. He can be a great wrestler when he puts his working boots on, and he's spent years trying to live down his 2018 Inside Wrasslin' "Most Hated Man in Wrestling" award, so you'd think he wouldn't stoop to this shit. Maybe he's afraid of Armel's vengeance after that roll-up win over him in the World Open, but c'mon man it's Aftermath. Get your shit together.
The Nerd's Rating: Disappointing/10
Jim Tarler and Tess Tarler vs. Tommy Powers and Olivia PowersI'm usually one of the first to complain about nostalgia acts getting big PPV spots, but to be honest, this was actually pretty good. The Powers' had their game faces on, and were dead-set on trying to isolate the 65-year-old Jim Tarler, but he was having none of it. Both sides made frequent tags, and both sides worked together well, with frequent double-team maneuvers and last-moment pin breakups.
The Tarlers really impressed me in this match. Jim fought like hell, and if it weren't for his appearance, you'd be forgiven for mistaking him for a younger man. Tess coordinated well with her grandfather, pulling off matched moves with him, or doing the old signature spots that he can't do anymore. Which is good, because I don't know about you, but I don't fuckin' need to see a 65 year old man doing diving elbows and probably breaking something in my wrestling. Anyway, the Tarlers finally gave the crowd something to really get loud about, and the double Blast Bomb finish was exactly what we needed after a mostly unimpressive undercard.
After the bout was over, Tess grabbed a house mic and teased that she might come back at some point in the future. As I understand it, she's still considering contracts from multiple organizations, and has a busy schedule of matches for a variety of promotions in the coming months. I'll be watching with interest to see where she lands.
The Nerd's Rating: Palate-Cleansing/10
Matt de Leon vs. Aguijon TachibanaSometimes, all you need is some motherfucking lucha libre. The Tarlers' match aside, this show had been pretty tepid up to this point, and what we really needed was something to up the pace and really get us to care. Leave it to these two guys to deliver exactly that. The first ten minutes or so of this match were just pure lucha, with lightning-fast hold exchanges, technical pin attempts, and a good dose of high-flying as well. Though I guess the rest of the match was also pure lucha in its own way, as they got steadily more pissed off and brought out the heavy striking. This may have been a mistake on Matt's part, as Aguijon is a more adept kicker than him, and was quick to show this fact off with some absolutely blistering examples. Matt held his own, though, and actually pissed Aguijon off enough with his own kicks that Aguijon went and got a chair. Referee Nadine Mathis tried to talk Aguijon down, until Matt solved the issue by dropkicking the chair into Aguijon's face, where it then flew out of the ring.
Overall, Aguijon fought well, and surprisingly clean, sneaky little fucker that he is, other than the chair. However, Matt's momentum was just undeniable, and after 19 minutes of non-stop action, Aguijon simply didn't have an answer for Matt's Phoenix Splash.
Some of the miserable fuckers that like to clog up my social media feed will probably say that this being my MotN is more a comment on the quality of the overall show than the match itself, but honestly this would've been a pretty great match on any card, and past this point, it was all pedal to the metal anyway. Congratulations to the new Aftermath Champion; with a performance like that, it's richly deserved.
The Nerd's Rating: Fucking Perfection/10
Gold-Blooded vs. The Divine ImperiumI think this is the match that we'll remember as when the cracks started to show for The Divine Imperium. Don't get me wrong, it's not like their act is getting any less funny. But tonight they came as close as they ever have to losing the tag-team championships. Gold-Blooded are just too tight a team to be going up against them without cohesion, something that, as I've mentioned, The Divine Imperium are seriously lacking.
This match ultimately came in kind of a weird place, squished between two absolute killer singles matches. It wasn't bad, and was certainly better than the tepid undercard, but it suffered for being sandwiched between two matches that were far better. Once it was clear that they were actually under serious threat, Akiko and Mizuki did what disciples of Samael do best: They resorted to being absolute monsters. Of course, Cerise and Leticia being members of Los Diablos, they're no strangers to a good old fashioned street fight themselves. You can imagine how things went from there.
I'd say a good half of this match took place outside of the ring, and even when it was inside, things were in full-bore anything goes mode. Tables were broken, chairs were smashed over heads, turnbuckle pads were removed, kendo sticks were produced from somewhere, and while I don't speak Portuguese or Japanese, I'm pretty sure that whatever Leticia was screaming at the top of her lungs violated some kind of broadcast standard somewhere. Referee Nadine Mathis visibly gave up trying to keep any of this under control, and was just content to count the final fall. After all was said and done, The Divine Imperium squeaked one out here, but they clearly underestimated their opponents' capacity for violence, and were on the back foot for a decent portion of the proceedings.
The Nerd's Rating: Violentastic/10
Mieko Suzuyama vs. Gabriela EspinosaThese two are a known quantity at this point, with a number of matches against each other over the last several years. Familiarity can be a double-edged sword for a matchup; while two opponents who know each other well can build up a series of counter-plays that make for exciting matches, a matchup can also just get stale over time because we've seen all this shit before.
Thankfully, this was a different set of circumstances than we've ever seen before for these two women. Since the last time they locked up, Gabriela became Joshi Champion for the first time in her career, and she was as motivated as I've ever seen to hold onto her gold at any cost. Mieko, meanwhile, has been three years away from the title at this point, and it was clear that every day away from the title scene had been eating her up. The match we got from that peculiar alchemy was pure asskickery, only narrowly edged out in my consideration for Match of the Night by the Aftermath Championship match. And sure, Gabriela pulling out all the stops meant a bunch of sketchy rollups, feet on the ropes, all that shit, but when the intensity is this high, and when Mieko absolutely was not having that shit for even a second, and rewarded every shenanigan with pain, I can't be too mad about it (even if the amount of cheating bullshit is a decent part of why I didn't make this my MotN).
When her bag of tricks ran out, though, that's when Gabriela really kicked things into gear and this match got serious. Vicious kicks and chops flew back and forth wtih abandon. Gabriela was jumping off of every surface she could to add momentum to her attacks. Mieko pulled out her old Miracle Third finisher for a near-fall. Both women locked each other in signature holds and I swear I thought it was over a bunch of times. Finishers were countered. By the time Mieko finally managed to nail the Final Hidden Miracle to lift the Joshi Championship for the third time, I was exhausted just from watching.
The Nerd's Rating: Damn near perfect/10
Kazuo Saji vs. Ultimo CieloI had really high expectations going into this match. Ultimo Cielo has been steadily growing on me over the last year, producing some really excellent title defenses. Meanwhile, Kazuo Saji has never looked so focused in SWA. Kazuo had an absolutely incredible goddamn World Open this year, putting in tons of match time, giving amazing performances, and of course getting his first ever singles victory over Armel St. Martin. Given Cielo calling that he would be the first SWA Openweight Champion to ever defeat the winner of the World Open way back in February, not to mention putting his mask on the line, there was a real unstoppable force meets immovable object feeling about this matchup that was tantalizing to say the least.
Ultimo Cielo made a promise on that SWA TV back in February, saying that he would come into Aftermath alone, without any backup. What he never promised us, though, was how the shows leading up to this were going to go. In preview tags over the past couple weeks, Murderer's Row made sure to spend as much time as they could isolating Kazuo Saji and working over his leg. I guess Cielo got spooked after seeing Saji completely fucking obliterating people with the Chrome Splitter during the World Open. It barely seemed to matter, though, because Kazuo wasn't interested in trying out the Splitter in this match - he didn't attempt it once. Maybe he was wary of how effective it would be after all the legwork, or maybe he wanted to prove that he didn't need it. Either way, he ended up using just about every other aspect of his game to take the fight to the champion in a match that would've easily been one of my top matches of the night were it not for one teensy problem.
See, at about 23 minutes into the match, Kazuo Saji countered his way out of Ultimo Cielo's Angel Killer spinning tombstone piledriver. That must have panicked Cielo, because that's when everything went to hell. From that point on, a match that had been cleanly fought and really exciting became shenanigan city. Cielo did everything he could to keep referee Toby Russell distracted (not that distracting Toby is hard) so he could go for low blows and dirty pin attempts. When that didn't work, he threw Kazuo straight into Toby so that nobody with authority to stop the match would see him blast Kazuo full on in the jaw with a set of brass knuckles. To Kazuo's credit, he kicked out AGAIN after the brass knuckles shot, and even started to mount a comeback but he was unable to do anything about the second Angel Killer.
A match like this is really fucking frustrating. A complete turd of a match that stinks out the joint is one thing, but a titanic fucking miscarriage of justice like this is an entire other sack of shit. To think Cielo was winning me over with great performances as recently as Crescendo. Fuck this ending and fuck Ultimo Cielo for ruining what could have been one of the greatest matches of the year with his horsefuckery. Was it really worth it, Cielo? Throwing away any credibility you had with the fans just so you could say you're the first champ to turn back the World Open winner at Aftermath?
Fuck.The Nerd's Rating: FUCK. MY. LIFE/10
That was my reaction. FULLY JARRY.