OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die

Week 76: DEVIL TRIGGER



Yo, here's a hype package for the show.



#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Been a long time since we had DCB in the Jabroni... takes me back...
Plumeria ("c") vs. DivineCoffeeBinge


Scene:

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Goat-Monster is notoriously unstoppable, but can he stop seven others? Mr. Shakedown, the brothers, an Anime, a wizard... uh... Bloodi Boi and a goddamn Robot? Damn, our Roster is weird.
Zoltan vs. Anna May vs. Cock Lightning vs. Cock Thunder vs. Nawt a Robutt vs. Steve Dirt vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Malfest Goat-Monster (c)


#3 Singles Match
Though, not a sanctioned Title, Family Man's Cursed Pokeymanz Title is, as always, unofficially on the line.
Family Man vs. Pig Destroyer


#4 Legion Tag Titles
If anyone can stop WNA's reign of anticlimatic finishes it's the SoS
Wizards Not Allowed vs. School of Slam (c)


#5 Four Way (First Fall)
Maya Northwind vs. Palpatine vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5


#6 Landmine Deathmatch
Harmony wants to cross it off the bucket list, bot want a Fight to Remember
Harmony Gray vs. Suzan Blades


#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Spitbal sure showed an unexpected side of him in the lead-up to this. Will he get his comeuppance?
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Spitbal (c)


#8 Falls Count Anywhere
No one expected Bob Sapp to show up. Let alone for him to demand Flamander at full power
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Hellranger Flamander


Scene:

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Unlikely and yet deserving, Kelsey challenges Grace Thoruson for the Big One
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Grace Thoruson (c)

Week 77: Lucky
Ah okay, but this should be our new "Normal" time. An hour earlier than or previous normal time.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Thunder doesn't deserve this, probably. But at this point, neither does Plumeria.
Plumeria ("c") vs. Cock Thunder


#2 Singles Match
Sounds like a wholesome match. Dunno who El Hijo Del Quackenduckboy is, though.
Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.


#3 Singles Match
Who's that newbie? Isabel isn't exactly a name that strikes fear into the massive human that is Suman
Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra


Scene:

#4 Tag Team Match
Well, gee, the unofficial Tag champs vs. the longest reigning official ones.
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts


#5 Singles Match
I don't wanna say it because that'll make it not happen, but this'll probably be good.
Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons


#6 Singles Match
The long awaited match of Vacation Skeleton! Oh, Pantha our former champ is here too, I guess.
Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton


#7 Darkweight Championship
Maya has been on an upswing as of late, but can she halt Kayu's Momentum?
Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka (c)

Week 78: Book me, coward!

I've been talking about "normal timeslots" a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don't I'm not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here's a match card.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell's Gate days
Cock Thunder ("c") vs. Arcade Legend ASS


Scene:

#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man


#3 Singles Match
Lots of "David vs. Goliath" match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas


#4 Tag Team Match
It's been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses


#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton


#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn't do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha


#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell... and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May (c)

Week 79: NOW book me, coward!

And here we go! Match card for this week. And next week, we'll have a PPV. Just don't know what to call it yet? Mmmh, let's hope something happens on the show that gives it a name.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
It's like these get more and more high profile
Arcade Legend ASS ("c") vs. Boob Marley


#2 Singles Match
Fuck him up, Skullistair!
Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*


Scene:

#3 Singles Match
The flyin' kid against an old homeless guy
Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki


#4 Three-Way (Elimination)
There's a non-zero percent chance that there will be blood with Kelsey, a guy called Pig Destroyer and a giant baby bird.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter


#5 Singles Match
This is mainly to see if the Tiny Titan can lift the Thicc Titan. (Spoiler: Yes)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc


#6 Singles Match
Oh shit! Angus sure has climbed the card! He even gets a Vacation Skeleton match.
Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton


Scene:

#7 Legion Tag Championship
RBF are goin' back to school. And this time they try to beat it up.
Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam (c)

Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020
This Saturday we got another of them "PPVs"
Fuck it's already our 20th PPV. Or Special Event as I call them sometimes. I dunno, I'm not consistent about this.



#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Florida Man attempts to fight ASS at wrestling show. Ring explodes?
Arcade Legend ASS ("c") vs. Florida Man


#2 Seven Deadly Pins
This features former Bunny Champs only!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Anna May vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Palpatine vs. Suzan Blades vs. Roy vs. Hellranger Flamander vs. Fomore (c)


#3 Singles Match
After last week Skullistair deserves to kill the business... or a discarded aspect of Dash.
Skullistair vs. A single Husk of Dash chosen by Dash Rendar


#4 Singles Match
They met before. Just not one on one.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man


#5 Singles Match
IGgy sacrifices himself to find a way to not book Dash vs. Vacation Skeleton
Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen


#6 Legion Tag Championships
Thunder and Lightning have been more on their own lately, finally back as a unit!
SHA-MO vs. School of Slam (c)


#7 Darkweight Championship
Man, Kelsey's been slaughtering in her last match. But could we see a return of Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka (c)


Video Package: Life and Times of Angus McMutton

#8 Lest Jimmy Standing Match
Seven. That's all Angus wants, to get VACANT down for a count of Seven to get back the G. Maybe he can make it ten.
An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT


#9 Hellweight Championship
Pantha has the longest Hellweight Reign but Grace needs one more win to match it. There could be no better opponent.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson (c)

Week 81: Send in the Clowns

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Fuck Dash.
Arcade Legend ASS ("c") vs. A Husk of Dash


#2 Trios Tag Team Match
We haven't seen either the FOB nor the Union work as a full unit in a while.
Fallout Boys vs. The Union


Scene:

#3 Singles Match
Oooh, who's it gonna be? Also it's Jan's first singles match period.
A Returning Young Devil vs. Jan Itor


#4 Singles Match
It's red vs. blue all over again. In case it wasn't clear, the newcomer is the "red" here.
Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5


#5 Four-Way
I have a feeling that any battle royal with Duck Boy in it will feel like an weird match-up. But this would be weird either way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. George Cluwney vs. Steve Dirt


#6 Singles Match
With the first of his Young Devils returning Freddie is eager to step back into the ring to face them one day.
Freddie Hope vs. Fomore


#7 Legion Tag Team Championships
Much like with Grace and Pantha last week, SoS are about to match the reign of the Grunts.
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam (c)

Week 82: Hangin' and Slammin'
At this point I can say "usual time" without confusing people over it being earlier than it used to, I think.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
How did ASS get here. She doesn't deserve this. Samio might. Depends on the time of day.
Arcade Legend ASS ("c") vs. Super Samio


#2 Tag Team Match
A literally Pineapple and Pizza go against a skeleton and (not) a robot
Pineapple Pizza vs. The Fung Gang (VS + NAR)


Scene:

#3 Singles Match
At this point it's become an initiation ritual to face the bear in Kombat.
Sexton Blud vs. Great Maharaja


#4 Four-Way (Elimination)
Uh oh... VACANT didn't want the Pokeymanz to begin with and wants to get rid of it... but is too proud to lose on purpose.
VACANT vs. Spitbal vs. Lea Lionheart vs. A Mimic


#5 Singles Match
Time to d-d-d-d-duel.
Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka


#6 Singles Match
I always forget which amount of dragon Ryu is. So Maya goes against some amount of dragon greater than 0 but less than or equal to 1.
Actually, it just occured to me that Ryu literally means Dragon.
Maya Northwind vs. Ryu


#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
The first time Fomore challenges for a singles title since losing the Hellweight. Probably Kayu's toughest defense yet.
Fomore vs. Kayu Zakisaka (c)