|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 7, 2019 1:15:43 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #16with our special guest for the evening Love Wilcox RESULTKatie Coons defeats La Luciernaga
19:48
89%KATIE COONS EXTINGUISHES LA LUCIERNAGA
TO BECOME OUR NEW PURPLE JACKET CHAMPION! As seems to be our custom here at LPJ, this match was quite the doozy. Katie Coons dominated for about the first ten minutes or so, but La Luciernaga mounted a furious rally late and at one point seemed poised to steal a third consecutive win with a sneaky rollup. But Katie Coons stuck to her guns and methodically wore her opponent down until a reverse tornado DDT finally was able to do the trick and score her some sweet new threads.
Better get it while the going's good and the challenges are still... |
|
|
|
Post by Love Wilcox on Apr 7, 2019 6:36:57 GMT
FINALLY KATIE CAN WALK AROUND OUTSIDE WITHOUT FREEZING TO DEATH, WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!
:D
|
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 8, 2019 15:03:49 GMT
OUR CURRENT JACKET CHAMP KATIE COONS RECEIVES A MESSAGE FROM A FAMILIAR FACE
*The scene opens to a lady clad in khaki safari gear and wearing a set of reading glasses, sitting at an oak desk the top of which is entirely covered by zoological textbooks.*
JUNE ALLGOOD: I may be considered one of the world’s foremost experts on apes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not knowledgeable about the rest of the animal kingdom as well. And I know enough about other forms of wildlife to know the sound of crickets chirping when I hear it.
*June pulls off her reading glasses and lays them on the desk. Her eyes burn with an intensity not present in them only a moment ago.*
JUNE: Katie Coons, I don’t know if these crickets are chirping because everyone is afraid to challenge you, or they’re just so stupendously bored to death by your arrival in LPJ that they’ve found more interesting applications of their time. One way or another, it presents me with an interesting opportunity.
*June points a finger across the room and the camera swings around to a shot of a fireplace. On the mantelpiece is a trophy. The inscription on it reads: JUNE ALLGOOD, 2019 WOMEN’S MARCH MADNESS CHAMPION. The camera swings back to June.*
JUNE: We’ve met in the ring once before, while I was working my way towards that lovely little trinket. As you may recall, Katie, our encounter went exceedingly well for me, and did not go particularly well for you. Tonight, I promise you much the same experience. I admit, I’m not exactly fond of the color purple and would greatly prefer to wear something in beige. However, one thing I am fond of is reminding cocky little snot-nosed brats like Katie Coons who the real apex predator is in this pro-wrestling ecosystem of ours. And tonight, I’ll be doing exactly that, and leaving with a jacket that I’m sure all my monkey friends will go ape over.
TONIGHT'S PURPLE JACKET MATCH:
THE REMATCH
2019 WOMEN'S MARCH MADNESS CHAMP
JUNE ALLGOOD
VS
OUR REIGNING PURPLE JACKET CHAMP
KATIE COONS And with that, CHALLENGES ARE...
|
|
|
|
Post by Love Wilcox on Apr 8, 2019 20:00:00 GMT
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
RIP Katie xD
|
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 9, 2019 5:23:57 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #17with guest star Love Wilcox WINNER OF THE 2019 WOMEN'S MARCH MADNESS TOURNAMENTJUNE ALLGOODVSOUR LADY OF THE PURPLE JACKET
THE SKINNY
These two fierce female fighters first met at March Madness, where June Allgood steamrolled old Katie Coons just like she did everyone else while on her stunning championship run. A month later, Katie Coons has popped up unexpectedly in LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET, unseating our previous jacketlady La Luciernaga with a dominant and impressive in-ring performance on our last episode. Unfortunately for her, June Allgood has already come a-knockin’, and she reckons she smells an opportunity to snatch the dreaded threads away from Katie Coons just like she snatched away her hopes of winning March Madness. Can Katie overcome the onslaught of knees surely headed her way, or will June treat her to the bitter taste of defeat for a second straight time? Tonight they meet in the ring once again for a much anticipated rematch!
RESULTJune Allgood defeats Katie Coons again
19:13
94%JUNE SHATTERS KATIE’S DREAMS ONCE AGAIN
(AS WELL AS HER FACEBONE)
AND IS OUR NEW PURPLE JACKET CHIMP. MY GOD! Katie really gave her hell and pushed June further than we’ve ever seen anyone do, but she just couldn’t find a way to finish the match. June, on the other hand, has never had any problem with that sort of thing, and eventually Katie succumbed to a storm of Timberlands and unpadded knee strikes. June Allgood remains undefeated in her short professional wrestling career, with a record of 7-0.
|
|
|
|
Post by Senator Phillips on Apr 9, 2019 14:01:00 GMT
A statement from the Mercenary in Exile, Renate Barlowe:
Renate Barlowe: It is known that I do this primarily for pay. Anyone who is willing to put forth the proper cash into my hands is able to utilize my special set of skills, honed through life or death experience across the continent of Africa for much of my life. I go by a simple motto in professional wrestling: Break Legs, Get Paid.
Barlowe: But this is different. Nobody is hiring me to do this. There is no requisite briefcase sitting in my hotel room. I am here, because I want to be here. Consider this professional advertising on one hand...and on the other, consider this an exercise in destroying the legs of June Allgood. You want to look like you visit my continent, look like the safari bitch? Be my guest...just don't think you're walking away from it any time soon.
|
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 9, 2019 20:00:49 GMT
If anyone can deal our purple jacket champ the very first defeat of her pro-wrestling career, it's the ruthless South African mercenary Renate Barlowe! I think it's safe to say we're all rooting against June for this one. I wouldn't be particularly surprised to see Renate bust out a sjambok and beat our monkeylovin' jacketlady with it. Here's hopin'! JOU UITDAGING IS GOEDGEKEUR.EPISODE #18's PURPLE JACKET MATCH IS GONNA BE:
CAMOUFLAGE vs KHAKIS
We'll finally find out once and for all what the superior safari attire is!
RENATE BARLOWE
vs
JUNE ALLGOOD
And this of course means challenges are currently...
But before you buzz off again...
A MESSAGE FROM THE MANAGEMENT COMING SOON, ON EPISODE #21 OF LUXURIOUS PURPS… A MEMBERS-ONLY 21-MAN TIMED BATTLE ROYALE FOR THE LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET Ladies and gentlemen, 21 is my lucky number, so I’d like to hold a special event to mark the occasion of our twenty-first episode, which I expect to take place on Friday. As a thank-you to everyone who has participated in Luxurious Purps, this will be a members-only event, meaning only edit-makers who’ve previously had a character of theirs on this show can join in. It’ll be a 21-man (or woman) over-the-top-rope-only battle royale with our snazzy-ass jacket on the line. The name of the event: LUX PURPURA. The plan is for every previous purple jacket champ to make an appearance, as well as a few other familiar faces and some unfamiliar ones too. The entry order into this timed battle royale will be randomized moments prior to the start of the match, with the exception of the twenty-first and final entrant, who will be whomever is the current purple jacket champion at the time of Lux Purpura. One important thing to note: I’ll be using the mod that allows for moves to cause eliminations, so don’t be startled if your guy gets eliminated ten seconds after arriving by the very first vertical suplex they see. We’re going for maximum MAYHAM here, people. But amsterDAN, how can I become a member of this super swank LPJ club and get in on Lux Purpura? By writing a damned promo and challenging our champion for their jacket, you jacketless jackass! If you want to get in on Lux Purpura, you’ll have two opportunities after tonight's episode to get a challenge in for the jacket and thereby qualify yourself to submit someone to this royal rumble of purptacular proportions! |
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 9, 2019 22:41:30 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #18with a familiar friend named Senator Phillips
THE LOWDOWN
Ever since arriving on the pro-wrestling circuit June Allgood’s been an absolute monster, running up an impressive 7-0 streak to start her career. Her relentless onslaught of unpadded knees and her eagerness to go for the kill early and often have earned her a reputation for brutality and dominance. Tonight, a lady with a very similar reputation steps into the ring to challenge June for her splendid purple jacket. Renate Barlowe has come calling for the dreaded threads, and the South African mercenary presents a major threat to June’s unbeaten streak. Will Renate be the one to finally deliver a loss to the ape lady, or is it simply too soon for June to lose her jacket?
RESULTJune Allgood defeats Renate Barlowe
09:08
64%JUNE HOLDS ON TO THE JACKET. I definitely was not expecting that. Not only did June win the damn match, she did so with great haste, hitting a frog splash perfectly in the sweet spot to knock every last little bit of air out of Renate’s lungs so she couldn’t resist the pin. There were moments in which Renate looked to have the upper hand, repeatedly getting the champ into some painful-looking leg-twisting submissions, but after taking an unexpected knee to the face late on, Renate never looked the same and the match quickly slipped away from her. June lives to knee some fools in the faces another day, and seems poised to strut into Lux Purpura as our most honorable jacketlady. |
|
|
|
Post by faulknasty on Apr 9, 2019 23:29:46 GMT
A clip from Toby Tron signing on part time for MWWC. "And I hear there's a dominant wrestler with a purple jacket. Well, I'm gonna show everybody what real dominance looks like. I dominated football and now I'm gonna dominate wrestling starting with that purple jacket." steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1704522505 |
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 9, 2019 23:45:36 GMT
Oh so some pretty boy who used to QB for the Volunteers thinks they can waltz up in here and demand a crack at the jacket? Perhaps if you was Peyton Manning we'd be talking, but Toby Tron? Toby Tron wants to try his steady electrician's hand at The Purple Jacket Challenge, and put to use the grittiness he gained from his time on the gridiron? YEAH WHAT THE HELL, SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. YOU GOT IT.ON EPISODE #19 OF LUXURIOUS PURPS:QUARTERBACK TURNED ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING CONSULTANT
TOBY TRON
VS
THE GAL WITH ALL THE KNEES
JUNE ALLGOOD |
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 10, 2019 4:46:55 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #19with a familiar friend named faulknasty TWO-FER TUESDAY LIVES!
Double your pleasure, double your fun.
Here's another match.
THE SCOOP
June Allgood has continued her winning ways and pushed her undefeated streak to 8-0, but a very large, very athletic man has decided to stand in the way of her ninth victory, and he goes by the name of Toby Tron. Some of you may recognize him from his days on the gridiron, slinging pigskin for the Vols. Nowadays he runs his own electrical engineering consultancy firm, but tonight he's decided to moonlight as a pro wrestler and take a stab at nabbing the purple fabric. Can he stuff June's streak at the goal line, or will Toby Tron end up taking a knee?
RESULTJune Allgood defeats Toby Tron
08:48
70%JUNE RETAINS THE JACKET
AND EXTENDS HER STREAK. The quarterback manhandled the lady in beige in the early going and looked well on his way to an easy victory, but at a certain point it seemed like Toby had used up all his arsenal, and unfortunately for him that was right around the same time June decided to drive a few well-placed knees into his face. June holds onto the jacket and will seek to extend her undefeated record to 10-0 on the next episode of LPJ, and saunter into Lux Purpura as our champion.
CHALLENGES ARE ...IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SNATCH AWAY THE COVETED 21ST AND FINAL ENTRY INTO THE LUX PURPURA BATTLE ROYALE ON FRIDAY! THAT'S THE MOST ADVANTAGEOUS SLOT TO ENTER INTO THE RUMBLE, SO HIT ME WITH A PROMO! |
|
|
|
Post by LankyLefty17 on Apr 10, 2019 17:11:06 GMT
"Masshole" Tommy O'Malley Just outside the penthouse, "The Masshole" Tommy O'Malley is angry, and looking for a fight...Tommy: You think you can do this? Ima PAYIN CUSTOMER. If A wanna drinkinthefuckin BATHROOOM, youcan NOT STOP ME. Fuckinbullshit. YOU AH FUCKIN. BULLSHIT. Lets go rightnow muthahfuckah. Say sumthin. Thas whah I thought.
Just then Joey O'Shea, Tommy's tag team partner and drinking buddy walks by...
Joey: Hey Tommy, wah you yellin at that lamp post?
Tommy: JOEY!!! Mothah Fuckah's kicked me outta tha bar.
Joey: Oh. You wanna fuckup that lap post?
Tommy: Fuck yeah. Lets get that purpah jacket. |
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 10, 2019 19:24:25 GMT
If I'm understanding his drunken ranting and raving correctly, I believe that Tommy O'Malley is requesting a purple jacket match. For reasons unknown, he's decided to pick a fight with a lamppost out in front of LPJ headquarters that he seems to sincerely believe is our reigning jacket champion. The lamppost isn't even wearing a jacket, Tommy! Drunken buffoon. I'm really sorry that I have to do this to you Tommy, but you're far too inebriated to step in the ring with anyone tonight. For the first time in the history of LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET, I have been forced to make a drastic decision such as this. As far as challenging for the purple jacket goes... YOUR CHALLENGE HAS BEEN DENIED.However, it seems Tommy is still drunkenly stumbling around outside the building, insulting our streetlight. That lamppost appears prepared to stand its ground, so you know what, Tommy? With regards to your challenge against our lamppost... THAT PARTICULAR CHALLENGE HAS BEEN ENTHUSIASTICALLY APPROVED.
"MASSHOLE"
TOMMY O'MALLEY
VS
A LAMPPOST
is coming up next!
A MEMO TO ALL LPJ WAIT STAFF Tommy O'Malley has been permanently 86'd from these premises due to habitual overconsumption and belligerent Bostonian behavior. If you spot him on the property, please inform him that he is trespassing and escort that souse to the nearest exit.
Thanks,
The Management |
|
|
|
Post by amsterDAN on Apr 10, 2019 19:43:51 GMT
LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET: EPISODE #19 1/2featuring LankyLefty17 whose edits are cretins This is a special
*** NON-JACKET MATCH ***
but don't tell the drunk guy that!
THE HAPS
Last time these two met, Tommy hosed the lamppost down with recycled Sam Adams, if you catch my drift. Tonight the streetlight seeks to avenge this affront in what might as well be a handicap match, because Tommy's convinced there's two of them.
RESULTThe Lamppost defeats Tommy O'Malley via KO
0:47
1,000,000%THE STREETLIGHT STRIKES BACK. An impresively intoxicated Tommy hit the lamppost with everything he had and then some but the strong-style streetlight stood its ground and ultimately KO'd the New Englander, reversing an attempted headbutt by way of simply being a dense, stationary metal object with a mass far greater than that of Tommy's skull. I'm gonna go ahead and nominate this one for MOTY.
CHALLENGES ARE STILL ... LAST CHANCE TO SLIP INTO THE LUX PURPURA BATTLE ROYALE!
PROMO IT UP! |
|
aroo
Steel Johnson
Snackdown
Posts: 243
|
Post by aroo on Apr 10, 2019 21:51:10 GMT
|
|
