Bradley Banks defeats Sewer Dragon 14:07 67% (the dojo really hates Bradley Banks, as do we all)
God damn it all, I had a feeling Sewer Dragon was going to pull this one out. He even splattered Bradley with a highly unsanitary green goo, but the muscleman dug deep and hit Sewer Dragon with The JACKEThammer for his fifth straight victory. What in the hell is it gonna take to get the buff one out of the violet coat?
Today's the last day of my weekend and I'm trying to crank out as many of these as I can while I can, since there'll be an inevitable slowdown over the coming couple days. I think we can fit in one or two more if someone gets after it quickly. Ladies and gentlemen, challenges are...
Salvador Sosa: Hola and greetings from the Rudo Army! That's right, I'm still alive, I'm still kicking, and I'm still itching to kick some ass! El Experto is a ruthless headcase. He thinks he is a bonafide legend! A legend! And he might even be right, but he's been wearing that mask so long that I think it cut off the blood to his brain! He doesn't think very well anymore! And we saw that even with all his little EX people all around the ring, it wasn't enough!
Salvador: But that was Experto. Now I'm here. Bradley Banks, you are very strong, very good, and you beat a lot of tough people. But now it is the turn of Salvador Sosa to step up and answer the challenge! And I intend to walk away with that purple jacket that you claim! Too long, I have waited on the sidelines, in the hospital, in the rehab and recovery and getting myself back into shape, into contention, into the arena, but now, there is a prize in my eyes, and I will reach up and take it! Be ready, Bradley, I am here, and I am ready to roll!
UH-OH. The champ might be in a spot of trouble now. This ain't some jamoke, jabroni, nor johnny-come-lately. This is SALVADOR SOSA, a serious heavy-hitter from Santana Family Wrestling! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bradley Banks defeats Salvador Sosa by K.O. 20:02 67% (BULLSHIT! That was an awesome match!)
Holy smokes. Salvador Sosa seemed to have things fairly firmly in hand for a while there, but Bradley battled back and might have ended it after hitting Sosa with the dreaded Stanford Slam, but El Hijo de Macchiato came to his friend's rescue by distracting the referee. However, Bradley Banks is one of the world's foremost experts in taking advantage of distracted referees, and he quickly retrieved a chair from under the ring. It only took one jab of that steel chair into Salvador's sternum and the Dominican crumpled to the mat like a sack of potatoes. If the referee had kept his eye on the match that may have been ruled a win for Sosa by DQ, but as far as the record books are concerned it's a knockout victory by the incumbent Bradley Banks because the ref didn't see a damned thing. Will anyone ever be able to extract this oily, overly-tanned jerk from the jacket?
Oh yeah, you know that's right. Challenges are once again...
Since tomorrow is Friday, I figured we could all go steppin' out for a fine night on the town. Let's take a field trip to a different venue! If someone gets a challenge in, tomorrow's match will take place at that superfly funky ol' disco-dancin' venue, Club '99!
Post by joshthejerseyboy on Mar 29, 2019 3:41:21 GMT
Connor Cooke From AAW is issueing a challenge: *Connor Cooke who is flanked behind Mickey Martin begins to speak*
"Hey there young world, my name is Connor Cooke and they call me "The Body." My body is perfect in everyway, i have the abs of a Greek God, the intelligence of Einstein, the Wisdom of Solomon, and lets not forget that I have a SMOKIN HOT AMERICAN WIFE!! Im calling out this so-called pretender wearing the purple jacket. Bradley Banks, Banksey baby...youre too ugly to hold that purple jacket with pride. That jacket should be worn by the most stylish man in the wrestling world, the man with fairest hair and abs that could crush boulders. So im calling you out, Im here to clean up and to gain a snazzy new purple jacket! I might thorw it up on my mantle and hang it in my basement and let it gather dust!!"
You can't rightfully call it a party unless JJB comes through! LUXURIOUS PURPS ATTRACTS ALL THE RIFF-RAFF. The AAW is sending in one of their studs, and Connor Cooke will soon be arriving to get his groove on with Bradley Banks down at Funkytown U.S.A. a.k.a. Club 99. CHALLENGE EMPHATICALLY ACCEPTED.
The rivalry between the AAW and the i.W.e. continues, just days after their worlds collided!
Bradley Banks defeats Connor Cooke by K.O. 15:23 57% (I think my goddamn match ratings are busted y'all)
Well shit. I was sure Connor was a lock to rock the jacket. In a tightly contested match with some glorious showboating by both parties, Bradley Banks emerged victorious and pushed his win streak to 7 after knocking Cooke out cold with the dreaded Stanford Slam. Bradley has hit the High Crit Jackpot (tm) in consecutive matches! When will somebody get one over on him?
Megastar reckons she can outshine the reigning champion in the ring. I'm intrigued. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bradley Banks is known to be quite the jackass. He's just a big dumb jerky jock. Unsurprisingly, he's quite sexist too. Here's what he had to say on Twitter about his match with Megastar.
Lol bro wut fight a girl? i cud beat 2 chicks at the same time E-Z-P-Z lmfao
Be careful what you wish for, Bradley. Ghost Daddy Purps was listening, and I have made An Important Decision:
I NEED ONE MORE FEMALE CHALLENGER. THIS MATCH IS NOW A HANDICAP TAG MATCH. TWO LADIES vs ONE LADIES' MAN
This will be a tag elimination match. Bradley will need to beat both women to retain his jacket. If neither woman has been eliminated by Bradley and he loses, the two ladies will have to share the jacket for the night and fight for it between themselves the next day. If one woman is eliminated and the other beats Bradley, the one that did the winning gets the jacket outright. Can you dig it?
FOR THE TIME BEING, CHALLENGES REMAIN SEMI-OPEN UNTIL SOMEBODY SUBMITS A FEMALE FIGHTER TO JOIN MEGASTAR IN THE QUEST TO DISROBE THAT STUPID ASS BRADLEY BANKS. GOT A GIRL ITCHING TO HIT THE RING? HAND HER A MICROPHONE.
“Be careful not to lose your tongue when you run your mouth. Does Bradley Banks want to do shit about women? Well, you still did not lose that tongue, but I smell of blood, so I'm coming for that gorgeous purple jacket!”
Pretty sure Bradley Banks was expecting to square off against two dainty little ladies. Little does he know he's about to step into the squared circle with two fearsome female competitors! Welcome to the show Bison Hanegawa! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The odds of seeing the champ get his jacket jacked are at an all-time high!
It's a handicap tag elimination match, so Bradley will have to beat both girls to win and hold on to his jacket. If neither woman has been eliminated and Bradley gets beaten, they share ownership of the jacket for the evening and fight for it on the next episode. If one woman is eliminated and the other lady goes on to win it, the one who beat Bradley in the end gets sole ownership of the jacket. Got it?
QUICK RESULT & WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW
Megastar & Bison Hanegawa defeat Bradley Banks via KO by Bison on the outside with the barbed wire bat 12:17 70%
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN WE HAVE A NEW PURPLE JACKET CHAMPION! AND WITH TYPICAL LPJ EXTRAVAGANCE WE'VE ENDED UP WITH TWO OF THEM!
Bradley and his cohorts Beef McHugeBulk and Euphrosine Beauchamont got to cheatin' good and early and it seemed he was hardly handicapped at all by the match format, but when Bison went poking around underneath the ring and came up with a barbed wire baseball bat, it wasn't long before Bradley met a rather grim demise indeed. He tried his damnedest to hide behind his fiancee Euphrosine but Bison charged right around her and hit the High Crit Jackpot (tm). (Bison also had a perfectly-timed laugh at the proceedings at around 3:30.)
Because the stipulations of this match clearly stated that if both women were still in it at the time that Bradley bit the big one they would just have to share the jacket between themselves for the evening and fight for it later, CHALLENGES REMAIN CLOSED. We already have our next match.
TO DETERMINE THE RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THE LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET MEGASTAR VS BISON HANEGAWA will be airing shortly!
Hey you guys remember that time I said that if Bison Hanegawa and Megastar beat Bradley Banks they'd fight each other for the jacket the next day? HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. I was sitting here thinking about some things, and one thought I thunk was that if I wait until tomorrow to run this match, that means challenges are closed until then. THAT AIN'T LUXURIOUS PURPS' STYLE, BABY! We're gonna keep goin' til the wheels fall off this mamma jamma. So I am proud to announce:
I DON'T WANNA WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FIND OUT WHO GETS THE JACKET. NEITHER DO YOU. WE'RE RUNNING THIS MATCH RIGHT NOW.
YOUR WINNER... AND NEW LUXURIOUS PURPLE JACKET CHAMPION... MEGASTAR!
Now that was a gosh dang match. We had weapons and outside dives and 2.99999s and all that jazz, but in the end Megastar snuck a quick codebreaker in there and finished off Bison. She also endured the greatest dropkick whiff onto a chair I've ever seen right around the 6:40 mark. Megastar becomes the first person to successfully steal the jacket in the short history of LPJ, as well as our first female champion. On the front page of this thread, she has been forever immortalized by having her name entered into The Purple Pantheon of Champions.
Ladies and gentlemen, now that we have ourselves a champion it's time to show her that there's no rest for the wicked here at LUXURIOUS PURPS. There's always someone waiting in the wings with their eyes on that luxurious purple prize. Who's gonna be the first person to take a crack at our new champion? SHE'S HAD THAT JACKET FOR ALL OF FIVE MINUTES AND I'M ALREADY ITCHING TO SEE HER LOSE IT. I FEEL LIKE I GOT BUGS UNDER MY SKIN, MAN. Someone, please, come let a promo rip. Send it.CHALLENGES... ARE...