ZIP JAPAN Archive Thread

*camera fades in on Cutie Booties and Psycho Witch standing in front of a ZIP JAPAN banner. Cutie speaks in heavily German-accented English and her words are translated into Japanese kanji at the bottom of the screen. Psycho Witch speaks in Japanese*

Cutie: HAW HAW sweet, little Momoe thinks zhe is so Cuuuuute, ja? Nein, my tiny fraulein, my Cutie Kick rearranged your skull, and sent your Rocketship crashing into ze sun!

Psycho Witch: <That lunatic Canadian Rebecca Roxx thought she could handle what Psycho Witch brings to the ring! How did that work out for you? You're lucky I didn't snap your scrawny neck!>

Cutie: Ja, me and the Psycho Witch, ve are both ze big winners...and my favorite sister Reiko gives us tag match against a pair of LOSERS! Yumi Yamaguchi and Eun-jin Choi don't have a chance against us! Ve are powerhouses of destruction!

Psycho Witch: <Choi! Yamaguchi! Your brief stay in ZIP JAPAN is about to be cut tragically short! Next Friday at Otsu vs Shimura III, Cutie Booties and me are gonna break your faces and send you packing back to whatever dingy gym you rats crawled out of!>

*Psycho Witch laughs maniacally as Cutie bounces around behind her, rubbing Witch's shoulders, before a ZIP JAPAN logo swooshes across the screen. The screen is dark, but slow, heavy breathing can be heard. Suddenly a small light appears, onimously lighting Darkness HAGE's face from below in closeup*

HAGE: <Dwelling in the Darkness has done wonders for my soul. Dealing with my errant student Saburo Hamada forced me out of the light and into the abyss, but in turn I received strength and perseverance beyond compare! I defeated Hamada-san at WrestleQuest, and have stormed my way back into a Junior Heavyweight Championship opportunity, defeating everyone in my path. And who do I find as the final hurdle before facing Katagiri, the Champion? Why it's my old friend Saburo Hamada....again. The wheel turns and I find you before me once more Hamada-san, and this time, it's going to happen just like it did before. You have no answer for my HAGE Firebomb, and after it destroys you, Katagiri will feel it as well...and I will slink back out of the light...and return with my Championship...to the embrace of the Darkness....>

*Darkness HAGE glares insanely into the camera and a ZIP JAPAN logo swoosh transitions to Thunder Fist and Wataru Nakajima standing side by side, both looking somewhat dejected*

Nakajima: (speaking to Thunder Fist) <Well, that sucked. (Thunder Fist slumps his shoulders) What happened big guy? We were supposed to be ZIP JAPAN Tag Team Champions forever!>

Thunder Fist: (sighing) <NAKAJEEMA FIST....do bad.>

Nakajima: <Yeah it was bad, alright.>

Thunder Fist: (getting a little angry) <Why NAKAJEEMA no save Thunder Fist? Fist not happy. Stupid Matsuda.>

Nakajima: <Yeah I know, buddy. I'm sorry, I dunno what happened in that match. I'm chalking it up as a "senior citizen's moment".>

Thunder Fist: (quietly) <Nakajeema...maybe too old for Thunder Fist team...>

Nakajima: (suddenly very animated and defiantly waving his arms around) <Oh no. This is not happening.>

Thunder Fist: <What?>

Nakajima: <Listen my boy, this isn't my first rodeo, I've been around the block, I know how this goes down. You get mad at me because we lost the Tag Titles, and after a few weeks of feeling sorry for yourself, you're gonna turn against me and we end up in a long and bloody feud. Well that's not gonna happen to us!>

Thunder Fist: (non comittally) <It's not?>

Nakajima: <Nope, I'm nipping that in the bud right here, right now. I know neither of us is booked for the next ZIP JAPAN show, but as soon as we get back on the card we are getting back to our winning ways! (Nakajima's mood starts perking up as he gets animated) We're gonna work together, as a team, and beat whoever Reiko puts us in the ring with! We're gonna earn another title shot and get our Championships back!>

Thunder Fist: <Yeah? NAKAJEEMA FIST belts again?>

Nakajima: <You're damn right we will! Chin up my boy! Now let's get back to the gym and get ready...the rebirth of Storm of the Century will be a thing of wonder! A thing of majesty!>

Thuder Fist: (excited) FIIIIISSSSSSTTTTT!

*Nakajima breaks into a wide grin as Thunder Fist gives him an enthusiastic high five. The ZIP JAPAN logo swooshes across the screen to reveal a serious faced Daisuke Shimura, his ZIP JAPAN Heavyweight Championship slung over his shoulder*

Shimura: <Three is such a small number, but it's got power. Put together three of anything and they become so much more than the sum of their parts. Look at the Three Musketeers, the Three Witches, hell even the Three Stooges! Everything that comes in threes achieves greatness. This is also my third reign with the ZIP JAPAN Heavyweight Title. And in my first defense, I'll be facing Demon Otsu for the third time in the past year with the biggest prize in ZIP JAPAN on the line! The first two matches were things of legend, brutal wars of blood and sweat that linger in the memory, with each of us recording one victory. This will be the ultimate rubber match to end the cycle and define who is the greatest once and for all....Otsu vs Shimura III is coming, and ZIP JAPAN may never be the same again!>

*Shimura stands tall and defiant as the screen slowly fades to black*

*camera fades in on Tomi ZIP, smiling in front of a ZIP JAPAN banner. Next to her is Ichiro Katagiri, holding his recently won ZIP JAPAN Junior Heavyweight Championship over one shoulder*

Tomi: <Hello, ZIP JAPAN fans! As you can see, today I am joined by Ich->

*Katagiri snatches the mic from Tomi's hand and steps partly in front of her, taking up most of the camera shot*

Katagiri: <Can it, Tomi! No one wants to hear your mewling. People don't tune in to see your goofy face, they want to see winners, and that's exactly what I am. A Winner!

*Katagiri briefly hoists his title belt up with one arm*

Katagiri: <This belt right here proves it. I'm the best there is, period. Inside ZIP JAPAN or out of it. Let's not forget that I defeated the winner of the Super Z Cup, and have avenged every loss I've had since then! And now, once again, I'm the King of the damn mountain! I'm the greatest junior heavyweight in the world, and no one can hold a candle to me!>

*Tomi can be seen shuffling around behind Katagiri, trying to get back into the camera shot, but Katagiri simply blocks her off*

Katagiri: <At this point in the proceedings, Tomi was probably going to ask me something inane about my title match against the FORMER champion Tetsuo K at Heat Wave, so allow me to address that. Everyone has lived in fear of Tetsuo since he took the belt from Justin Starr...fear of the man and fear of his Fire Star Splash...but not me! I took the toughest moves that guy could dish out and came roaring back. Good thing he wears a mask, because I kneed that fool's face into a pulp before I dropped him on his head. You people think Super Scorpio is ugly? You don't wanna know what Tetsuo K's face is looking like these days.>

*Tomi is now jumping up and down behind Katagiri, her face intermittently popping up over his shoulder as she tries unsuccessfully to regain control of the segment. Katagiri does his best to ignore her and fails*

Katagiri: <Knock it off, Tomi! I know you're dying to grill me about the next ZIP JAPAN show....it's gonna be a show where I get the night off, but Reiko is going to cash in on my name anyways by showing off some old match footage of me kicking seven shades of shit out of Justin Starr! But more importantly, I see that crusty old abomination Darkness HAGE will be squaring off against his ex-student, the wannabe Saburo Hamada, to determine the first challenger for my Junior championship! Those two have faced each other so many times recently, I'm getting sick of seeing it! To be honest, I don't give a damn which one of those two chumps win the match, neither one has the remotest chance of defeating me! Now that I've overcome every obstacle Reiko has placed in my path, I'm never giving up my title again! I'll be the ZIP JAPAN Junior Heavyweight Champion until I decide to retire!>

*As Katagiri hoists up his title belt again, Tomi stealthily reaches in under his arm and snatches the mic out of his hand. Tomi quickly runs away from a blustering Katagiri, and the camera follows her off the promo set as she bolts down a side hallway*

Tomi: (shouting back towards Katagiri) <This is MY interview show, sucker! Fans! This Friday night, ZIP JAPAN presents Otsu vs Shimura III starting at 9pm EST! Don't miss it! Until next time, this is Tomi ZIP, signing off!>

*Tomi glances back over her should and keeps running, flashing a peace sign as the camera fades to black*