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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2021 1:31:07 GMT
When I say on a personal level, I don't mean my politics but rather my background.
The first message I sent in January was originally longer and more in-depth but then I got frustrated at my inability to adequately express what I wanted to say. I was already tired and annoyed at that point so I opted for something shorter and blunter. Naturally that resulted in a lack of care behind the words chosen, and I have a dramatic side.
I don't know what it is with me. I have a reputation as intelligent but I also have a history of either saying things wrong or people just misinterpreting me even when I think I'm being clear. In my head I'm eloquent but it doesn't always translate.
When I said I was bad at confrontation, that was both true and misleading. I don't always respond appropriately in the moment if I'm caught off-guard but who wants to be on guard all the time? It's exhausting. I have done my share of fighting despite that, though.
You were right when you guessed I was bullied a lot as a kid. It's not something I ever let define me because it's ancient history but it still had its effects. It's probably why I feel like I have to do everything myself, for example, and why I'm also so hard on myself when things go wrong even when they're beyond my control.
My online persona used to have a more combative front as a defense mechanism because of it as well. Naturally that means I've been in a few internet arguments. They're not always pleasant but it's not like I can be physically hurt no matter how tense I get.
I don't know why I let this one be any different except that I'm older and more world-weary. Fighting doesn't come easily anymore but only because I've already done so much of it.
I still get annoyed quickly sometimes, though.
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Post by jameshilliv on Mar 13, 2021 9:18:48 GMT
I remember a time when it didn't matter what side you were on, we could all agree that the government was screwing us over and they should have less power. Now one side seems to think more government is better. Some believe that more and higher taxes is a good thing. Us being on "sides" and fighting with those who have different views is exactly what our leaders want. It keeps us from banding together and going after them. Definite truth to that. I was plenty pissed at Mitch McConnell when he rejected $2,000 stimulus checks and both the Dems and Republicans got together and slapped Americans and spit on them with $600 checks. Especially when billions of dollars went to other countries. In my view it's us against them, which it shouldn't be. They should be working for us but somehow we have no choice in what decisions they make. There are some good people in government who really do want to help the people but they are far outweighed by the swamp. One of the big reasons I support Trump is that the establishment hates him. I figure anyone or anything they are against must be good for us. |
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Post by jameshilliv on Mar 13, 2021 9:23:52 GMT
I don't know what it is with me. I have a reputation as intelligent but I also have a history of either saying things wrong or people just misinterpreting me even when I think I'm being clear. In my head I'm eloquent but it doesn't always translate. I get this. I can talk and make intelligent conversation but when I write I can't express my thoughts properly. Sometimes I read back what I wrote and it looks like a fifth grader wrote it. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2021 10:33:20 GMT
I've been pondering this all night as I worked. Hopefully it will come out correctly.
Despite appearances I haven't held a grudge this whole time. I did try to let it go.
Even though I knew both of you were conservative, I had some nice discussions with James on other subjects that made me think some of the things I said to Gotch in January were an overreaction. This is why I had been debating whether or not to at least explain myself more personally.
Something about seeing the words "pompous lefty windbag" made me change my mind, though. I know it wasn't directed at me but still.
My post wasn't kneejerk, and it probably wasn't necessary either.
I don't know why. Maybe I was trying to step out of my comfort zone. Maybe I wanted to get a few things out of my system and picked a bad way to do it. Maybe I'm just a masochist.
Obviously I'm out of my depth, though. I also don't want to hash out the finer points of our ideologies because that will only lead to more disagreements.
He's right that we do have areas where we agree, though.
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Post by gotchism4life on Mar 13, 2021 13:35:38 GMT
I've been pondering this all night as I worked. Hopefully it will come out correctly. Despite appearances I haven't held a grudge this whole time. I did try to let it go. Even though I knew both of you were conservative, I had some nice discussions with James on other subjects that made me think some of the things I said to Gotch in January were an overreaction. This is why I had been debating whether or not to at least explain myself more personally. Something about seeing the words "pompous lefty windbag" made me change my mind, though. I know it wasn't directed at me but still. My post wasn't kneejerk, and it probably wasn't necessary either. I don't know why. Maybe I was trying to step out of my comfort zone. Maybe I wanted to get a few things out of my system and picked a bad way to do it. Maybe I'm just a masochist. Obviously I'm out of my depth, though. I also don't want to hash out the finer points of our ideologies because that will only lead to more disagreements. He's right that we do have areas where we agree, though.
You're right, "pompus lefty windbag" was NOT directed at you. That was reserved for the NY Times writer who is trying to politicize a cartoon character and invoke cancel culture over a cartoon. I grew up watching Pepe LePew. I actually enjoyed guys like Pepe and Foghorn Leghorn more than Bugs and the Roadrunner. As a kid, I never thought Pepe was a role model or that his methods were the way to approach women. Also, using a cartoon like this trivializes rape culture because there are institutions that have supported such a heinous thing.
What I find so irksome about the far left is that many will get offended for the sake of being offended. They live in a state of perpetual victimhood and the line gets pushed further and further and further until free speech is removed. Unilever is now removing the word "normal" from their products. I mean what kind of Orwellian "newpseak" are we going to have in 15 years? Also, 1984 was a warning about Totalitarism...so that applies to far right as well as far left. Far right leads to facism, far left leads to authoritarian communism.
But enough of political discourse.
I want to say I sympathize with both you and James for the difficulty you have in expressing yourselves. When I was a kid I had a terrible stuttering problem and I was bullied relentlessly because of it. It was so bad I wouldn't want to go to school and even wanted to kill myself. The kicker is, I went to a Christian school. So I would see my bullies sitting with the parents on Sunday mornings looking so prim and proper and holy, and my family would be looked down on because we were poor and in school I'd get tortured.
I'm one of those people that could have easily gone the route of using my negative experience to claim God isn't real, but I was able to distinguish the difference between their hypocritical behavior as not matching any Biblical standard. As a kid my dad bought a picture Bible for me, and I spent many summer afternoons just reading and re-reading it.
Somehow, and I attribute it to an unseen work of God's grace, by the age of 17 the stutter all but stopped. I didn't have speech therapy, it just dissipated. I was able to do theological training so that allowed me opportunity to write, and to speak publicly. If anything now, I'm too verbose.
I don't know if there is an organization like Toastmasters in your respective areas, but perhaps joining an organization like that may help you gain comfort with expressing yourself.
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Post by El Marsh on Mar 14, 2021 1:27:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2021 2:20:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2021 21:48:46 GMT
And so it begins tomorrow, I stop smoking cigarettes. It will be difficult, I know that, however to keep myself busy during breaks at work. I'm armed to the teeth with wrestling gaming goodness.
My first Fire Pro game, Fire Pro Wrestling 1 on the GBA is ready to go via emulator. And also WCW World Tour and Wrestlemania 2000 on an N64 emulator. As those were my favourite N64 games. I would have No Mercy on there but I had that bug that erased my data as a kid so I never bothered with it since. I'm still mad about that to this day.
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Post by gotchism4life on Mar 15, 2021 18:49:07 GMT
And so it begins tomorrow, I stop smoking cigarettes. It will be difficult, I know that, however to keep myself busy during breaks at work. I'm armed to the teeth with wrestling gaming goodness. My first Fire Pro game, Fire Pro Wrestling 1 on the GBA is ready to go via emulator. And also WCW World Tour and Wrestlemania 2000 on an N64 emulator. As those were my favourite N64 games. I would have No Mercy on there but I had that bug that erased my data as a kid so I never bothered with it since. I'm still mad about that to this day. My mom smoked for over 20 years. If she can do it, you can as well.
On my N64 I have WCW vs nWo World Tour, Revenge and No Mercy, thankfully no bug. I remember Wrestlemania 2000, they had some neat features in there, plus I have to say, Gangrel's music and entrance is one of the most memorable in wrestling.
What I really want to get, but I'm not sure how feasible it will be to do so...is a cartridge converter and a copy of Virtual Pro Wrestling 2.
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Post by gotchism4life on Mar 19, 2021 18:51:32 GMT
Well, I was subbing the past 3 days for a theater teacher. Lessons covered Kabuki...over Spring Break I am gonna check out a Kabuki presentation of The 47 Ronin w/English subtitles.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2021 19:28:34 GMT
The non smoking is going all right, had a few snappy moments at coworkers asking stupid questions.
And I've made an edit or two on Fire Pro 1 on GBA. I'm starting a fresh intending to create a in game world based on the pro wrestling styles I enjoy. With promotions based in the UK and the US. I'm intent on creating a handful of promotions, just so I can run my own fully custom Promoter Mode, selling towels and mugs like you do on that mode.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2021 10:04:10 GMT
I've been away from here for the last week for various reasons and, upon further reflection, I think I'm going to continue to stay away. I know I could have done that quietly but I'm talking a long and serious "I don't know if I'll ever be back" departure. That felt like it was worth saying.
I realize this community will continue without me. It's done so before. Mostly I think I say this because of a community I belonged to before this one. I never had a chance to say goodbye to them and I didn't want to repeat that mistake.
I'm also not saying the above-seen argument is the reason. In all honesty I've been having waves of lessening interest since late last year. I thought maybe it was depression or just the board being slow at times. A good conversation would rekindle things for a moment but it would fade again.
There were outside factors as well, though. I recently had a number of health scares, for one. Some of them were potentially quite serious and yet none of them were related to the ongoing pandemic, which officially reached its one year anniversary recently. Also, my existential angst is worsening.
In short, I've been reevaluating how I want to spend what time I have to spare because I don't know how much of it is left. One lesson I've learned is that everything that begins has to end at some point
So, thanks for the memories and, whether for now or forever, farewell. My contact information remains up in my profile if anyone has need of me while I'm away.
-Will
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Post by El Marsh on Mar 21, 2021 13:57:26 GMT
I certainly understand and wish you all the best.
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Post by OrochiGeese on Mar 25, 2021 9:11:11 GMT
I've been away from here for the last week for various reasons and, upon further reflection, I think I'm going to continue to stay away. I know I could have done that quietly but I'm talking a long and serious "I don't know if I'll ever be back" departure. That felt like it was worth saying. @wxbryant It's been a few days since you posted this and I don't know if you are still checking here anymore. Among other feelings that are more pressing, I am sorry that my reply post wasn't more timely. I am really sorry that you are going but more sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. This sounded frightening: In short, I've been reevaluating how I want to spend what time I have to spare because I don't know how much of it is left. One lesson I've learned is that everything that begins has to end at some point I truly hope that whatever caused the health scares is being managed and more under control. I also truly hope that you are feeling better psychologically. Whatever actions you take to improve those is completely understandable, including if it means leaving here. And whatever you spend your time doing now, I hope that you are getting the most enjoyment out of it. I hope that you aren't leaving for good but I really do appreciate you saying goodbye in either case. I have always enjoyed your presence in the community and all of our interactions. I'm still sorry that I never got a chance to fully convert Jeremy Moore into FPW but I enjoyed the PM's that we had about it and other things. You are always welcome here and, most importantly, I just hope that things get better for you. I wish you the best, Will 😎 |
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Post by El Marsh on May 30, 2021 2:04:00 GMT
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