Butterfloor: Sometimes Our Website Works

Kanjirin Tonorian (Phoenix Rising) defeated The Headless Holdsman
Leona Sterling (Phoenix Rising) defeated Zak Hayes
Keith Van Horne (Wrestle Parade) defeated Mega Meat (Wrestle Parade)
Ruthless Nicole Alger (UCSS) defeated Edhem Yavas
Candace Monroe (Phoenix Rising) defeated Rampage Rage (PEWA)
Tom Balls defeated Jordan Wright
Darren O'Keenan drew with Owen McNeill
Bartholomew van Cash defeated Landon Balls

    Kanjirin Tonorian is a monster. Even with some questionably placed stomps and curious attempts at headbutts, Kanjirin took it to Butterfloor’s resident headless specter. Just before the ten minute mark, Pure Gold’s leader dropped the ghost with a spiral jackhammer and left the spirit motionless on the mat, wisps slowly drifting from the unmoving spirit.

    Kanjirin is now the second inductee into the Headless Hall of Fame, and with a statement win at that. The man is expected to go back home and face Kileas Kintelas soon, but one question is clear in everyone’s mind: If the supernatural can’t stop Kanjirin, who or what can?




    As expected from the old collegiate wrestler and MMA champ, the two displayed some impressive technical wrestling on the mat. What was perhaps less expected was when the two transitioned into something of a striking shoot out, with Leona’s MMA background clearly giving her an edge. Finally, Leona once again went to the mat, and wrestled Zak into multiple Guillotines for the tap. Unfortunately for Zak, he will not be continuing on the singles title shot short list this time around.




    The contrast of styles worked out a lot better for Keith Van Horne tonight. Mega Meat was unable to get much of his own lucha-style offense going, while Keith was able to tire the big man out with multiple suplexes. Finally, Keith landed his signature “angled” suplex for the win, securing his position on the short list.




    This was a match many would have pegged RNA to be the underdog by circumstance alone, let alone Edhem’s dominant record compared to her own shakier singles record. And after Edhem drew blood with a well-placed palm strike two minutes in, you might be forgiven for writing the match off. Still, Alger persevered, wisely going for targeted elbow strikes to Edhem’s arms, instead of submission holds that he could have easily slipped out of. After the long process of wearing the oil wrestler’s arms down, Alger went for her signature Armrippers, and Edhem finally submitted after several of them.

    With that, Ruthless Nicole Alger locks in her place on the short list, and she will face Keith Van Horne next week to see who will face Lexie Barrett for the singles title the week after that.




    Candace was looking for some redemption and a rebound this week, and she might have gotten it. Outside of a cheeky — and very surprising — stolen jumping bomb, Candace went for her usual strategy of attacking the legs. As the match went on, Rampage Rage got noticeably slower. Rampage Rage hit some of his own signature moves, including the Splash of Rage, and at one point was significantly ahead in the pin count race. But Monroe fought on, closing that gap, before getting the tap with own signature Monroe Knee Lock.

    Despite her future title opponent’s incredibly dominant win earlier in the night, the other Limbtaker made her own statement win. Beating Rampage Rage despite the size disadvantage is hopefully a good omen for her looking forward towards her title shot.




    Despite Jordan “Longguy” Wright’s dominance so far, Tom Balls was able to come out on top. He avoided most of Wright’s most dangerous moves, and taking a page out of his younger brother’s book, went for multiple beatdowns close up to negate the Longguy’s reach advantage. Finally, the elder Balls brother went for a facebuster into a sitting super kick for the win (much to the disappointment of many people on the Internet).




    Well, for better or for worse, it seems like Darren O’Keenan and Owen McNeill won’t be getting a conclusive end to their feud this time around. The two started off the match with some harsh taunting, and sometimes it felt like the two were more focused on talking trash during the match rather than actually wrestling. I could talk about the stylistic difference during the match, but what really matters is the ending. As the countout loomed, Darren O’Keenan did not attempt to reenter the ring, but instead went for what could be only described as a kissing prank. The twenty count struck as the two broke the kiss, and the match ended pathetically… but perhaps fittingly.




    Going into this match, the two teams were tied at three wins, three losses, and two draws each. It was all on the line in this match.

    No one is really sure if Bartholomew van Cash has been in over fifty street fights, but if he has, that experience paid off. van Cash drew blood with an elbow strike within the first minute, putting the younger Balls brother on the back foot from the start. The two brawled all over the ring, sometimes upright, sometimes on the mat, but the other bat man seemed to maintain the advantage the whole time. Landon Balls tried to take it with one of his usual punching combinations, and almost succeeded. But in the end, Bartholomew van Cash pushed his brawling advantage to the end, getting the tap with a camel clutch.

    With that win, Bartholomew van Cash wins the feud, both for his team and for himself. Will we see any of the feud participants in the ring again? The possibility remains open, but for now, they will no longer be regulars on Butterfloor’s weekly broadcast.

"Whole lot of people wondering about me lately. Y'know, ever since the last time I went over to Butterfloor and had that incident happen. So lemme get this perfectly clear: Far as the medics told me, far as I can tell myself, I'm fine. And if you wanna tell me otherwise because of what happened at the Academy house show earlier this month... oh, please. Like I'm the only one on this show that might bite the hell outta someone. Just look at what they got for their opener.

Anyway, as for Cody Sheppard, yeah, I'm looking forward to actually getting a proper match. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna try and crank his arm out of its socket. But I'll finally get to see what he's got."

"One week after Kanjirin made history. Two nights after what should be my own moment of triumph, because I intend to crush three other people and become Pacific Northwest Champion. I'll step into the ring with a pair of women who consider themselves suplex experts the same as me.

Let me remind you just what you're stepping into. I'm part of Pure Gold, the single most dominant force in Phoenix Rising. I'm one of the strongest, most dangerous people in the world today because of my suplex prowess. You're putting me in the ring with two people who want to try and beat me at my own game.

Unfortunately for the both of you, there is no one... no one better at this than I am. And I'll damn well prove it Wednesday night."

    “Most people outside of my home corner of the world have never heard of German ju-jitsu. In fact, the second result if you search for “german ju-jitsu” is an joke site that is actually an advertisement for Brazilian jiu-jitsu! While I am not solely a German ju-jitsu practitioner, it only seemed right that my first match here be a showcase of my region’s traditional martial art. And what better style to face for my first match than the better known cousin, BJJ? I am grateful to Butterfloor for finding such a well-known practitioner for me to face. Now the world shall learn the true efficacy of German ju-jitsu.”

    “It was a lot of fun watching Nicole do her thing in her last match. It’s good to know she knows her way around a lubed situation. Too many people lose control when lube gets involved. And that stamina! It’s no fun when it ends too soon. I hope we have a nice, long session together.
    “People are saying I don’t have a shot, that I’ll never get Nicole to tap. ‘There’s no way the porn star is going to beat the trained fighter.’ Well, they said that about my previous title match too, and look how that turned out. Besides, after everything I’ve done in my day job, I know a few ways to make a lady submit. If she wants to get on top of me on the mat, well… I’ll have you know I’m a very, very experienced bottom.”

The Headless Holdsman defeated Victor Van Banning (PEWA)
Tristan Pacheco defeated Sam Horne
Rory Burton defeated Drake Elliott IV (Wrestle Parade)
Bradley Carr defeated Mallory Spaulding (Phoenix Rising)
Priya Mallaya (Valkyrie Pro) defeated Candace Monroe (Phoenix Rising)
Hannes Lefeuvre defeated Jamie Tomasi (UCSS)
The Butter Enthusiast Coalition (Concrete Pete from Evergreen and Big Bubba Bob from TIPWF) defeated Les Beautes Blondes/The Privileged (Revon Beauregard and Michelle Rochefort from Wrestle Parade/Phoenix Rising)
Lexie Barrett defeated Ruthless Nicole Alger (UCSS)

    To Van Vanning’s credit, his expertise in fighting the undead were clearly on display. Headless’ teleporting tricks were rendered mostly ineffective, with Van Banning routinely ready to respond. Unfortunately for the vampire hunter, the Headless Holdsman was too strong to take down simply by neutralizing one aspect of his strategy. It’ll take more preparation and strength to take down the ghost, but no one thinks Van Banning will give up so easily.


    For better or for worse, Tristan seems to have learned from his failures from the top rope. He mostly avoided jumping from the posts, and instead focused on his striking and suplex game, eventually winning the match with a roll up.


    Drake’s more conservative style on the mat unfortunately wasn’t enough to get him the win. While Drake landed a couple of impressive suplexes, Rory eventually won with a simple “rookie killer.”
    Aline was noticeably incensed at Drake’s loss. While she might have had some affection for her savior before, it seems likely she’s less taken with him now. Although, granted, no one’s sure how aware Drake was of her affections in the first place…


    Mallory wasted no time showcasing her strength, landing many, many suplexes throughout the entire match. However, Bradley Carr kept bring the match to the mat. While Mallory’s amateur days were on full display and she was able to keep up, in the end, Carr went again to the surprise spinning choke for the win.


    At the start of the match, it looks like Candace was following her normal strategy to an easy win. It would be hard to deny the disparity in prestige. Still, Priya kept the match competitive. The two traded finishers, Priya’s shining ass to Candace’s stunner, but neither woman won. Finally, after two flying butts from the corner, Priya posed as she got the pin.
    While this is undoubtedly a huge victory for Priya, it’s another concerning loss for Candace, who was just starting to get some momentum. Candace has got to find some solid ground, and find it fast.


    An impressive debut from Hannes. It was a bold strategy to contest a BJJ expert in the mount, but Hannes showed no hesitation in challenging Jamie on the mat. Nor did either competitor shy away from striking contests or throwing contests. In the end, Hannes landed a surprise low kick, before getting the pin.


    There had been some relatively fast matches during the night, but this was definitely not one of them. Both teams fought hard to keep the match in their corner, and much of the match was fought near one of the corner posts. The match had its share of humorous moments, from an error where Pete wildly overshot his dive, to the Privileged routinely breaking up the B.E.C.’s spots. Finally, the B.E.C. landed a surprising spot of spontaneous teamwork deep in their own corner for the win, and the title defense.


    From the start, RNA seemed to be in firm control, shutting Lexie out of any offense. But Lexie fought her way back, starting with her… unique submission technique to throw Nicole off balance. And it seemed to work, with the match becoming significantly closer; the two were now trading offense.
    At the ten minute mark, the match spilled outside, and when the two started wrestling on the floor, it almost lead to RNA getting counted out. But just in time, RNA managed to get back into the ring.
    Sensing opportunity, Lexie leaned into the two strategies that worked: trying to fluster Nicole and a potential countout. As the match heated up (in possibly more ways than one), Lexie threw RNA to the outside. There, she managed to tie up the challenger in an extended struggle, just long enough for a draw by countout, giving Lexie the defense by draw.
    Butterfloor’s infamous countouts had finally caught up to it. Many fans in attendance were upset at the underwhelming outcome; many others confused at who won. The general manager even had to come out to settle the matter. Lexie might have defended the title, but certainly not in a manner that endeared her to the fans.

Scorpio Noche (Sakura Pro) and Sanya Markov (Phoenix Rising) defeated Cannonball Duvall (Blackrose) and Oleg Makos (UCSS)
Shaka Corbin (Blackrose) and Arthur Evans defeated Zhenka Streltsov and Sam Horne
Bradley Carr and Dr.Hypnodra (Wrestle Parade) defeated Sonny Urquidez (USW-F) and Titania (Phoenix Rising)
Ziggy Rockefeller (Phoenix Rising/Wrestle Parade) and Zulu Lionheart (PEWA) defeated Hannes Lefeuvre and Tristan Pacheco

    Duvall and Oleg showed some great teamwork in this match, landing multiple tag team powerbombs throughout the match and setting each other up in multiple spots. But it would be Noche’s and Sanya’s individual skill that would carry the match, with Sanya getting the win after his third Red Crush.



    For whatever reason, Horne had it out for Evans, routinely interrupting the pitchman whenever he started talking. Nevertheless, Shaka and Arthur’s teamwork combined with the efficacy of Arthur’s wares would prove too much. While Shaka had struggled with landing finishers in the enemy corner this week, a South African Slam in the center of the ring was just close enough for Arthur to provide the cover while Shaka got the three.



    Late into what had been an even match, Sonny caught fire and laid the pressure on a cornered Bradley, landing multiple combinations, suplexes, and armbars. But only minutes later would Bradley get the tap from Titania from his spinning choke, which is starting to grow in notoriety.



    One might have thought Ziggy out of his element in the ring with three other wrestlers keen on taking things to the mat. But Ziggy held his own, escaping the worst of Hannes and Tristan’s efforts. Combining Tristan’s attempts to fly from the top rope once again failing and Zulu’s superior matwork, Zulu forced the tap for the win.

"... Elle Barrett, huh? Former Royal Navy, outta Britain? I remember what my dad said about sailors from 'round here and, uh, I'm trying to keep things 'PG' for the sponsors, so that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Still... It must be nice, going around the country, thinking you can play make-believe games where you act like a real fighter after spending so much time pushing pencils and screening phone calls, right? Tch, spare me. I haven't got the time or patience to screw around and play grabass with someone who can't even take this sport seriously. But hey, you know what? Give it your best shot anyway. Try all the cute little technical rollups you want, chica. Go right ahead! But, I might as well give you a little advance warning. Once you find out what it's like to fight an alpha bitch who knows a thousand ways to choke a man out, you're gonna be wishing you could make a hasty Brexit back to whatever dreary-ass port you shipped yourself outta years ago. Peace!"