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OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die

IGgy IGsen
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Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 11, 2021 20:07:49 GMT jimofmanynames likes this

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 11, 2021 20:07:49 GMT

Week 124: Lest Jimmy Standing III

This Saturday we're gonna have us a big show! Check out the card.

#1 J.O.B. Tournament FINAL
Man, what a prestigious tournament. Can't believe Dicky P actually won matches somehow.
Dicky P vs. Flash Hammer

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Seven deadly pins... seven ways to win. You know the rest.
Plumeria vs. A Mimic vs. Black vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. Muscle Wizard

#3 Singles Match
Isabel Ibarra vs. Midas Minoson

#4 Singles Match
No metter how we dice it, shenanigans are abound.
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Sexton Blud

#5 Singles Match
Grace Thoruson is challenged by an outsider. She received a note that simply read "Let's go to Suplex City, bitch! Time to die!".

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Can The Union join The Fun Gang in the winnning title matches via DQ club?
The Union vs. Steve Dirt and Family Man

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship - Lest Jimmy Standing Match
The letter V is on the line and Angus is pissed... but so far he could not put a dent into VACANT.
VACANT vs. Angus McMutton (c)

#8 J.O.B. Capital L Palate Cleanser Over the Top Rope Clusterfuck
All seven people who lost in the J.O.B. Tournament

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Although his place here is well earned at this point... I hope Dash eats shit.
Dash Rendar vs. Fomore (c)

Last Edit: Aug 11, 2021 20:08:24 GMT by IGgy IGsen

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 15, 2021 11:41:04 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 15, 2021 11:41:04 GMT

Week 124: LEST JIMMY STANDING III - (Twitch VOD)

Week 124: Lest Jimmy Standing III

[timg]https://i.imgur.com/47W26Sm.png[/timg]
This Saturday we're gonna have us a big show! Check out the card.

#1 J.O.B. Tournament FINAL
Man, what a prestigious tournament. Can't believe Dicky P actually won matches somehow.
Dicky P vs. Flash Hammer

SPOILER: Click to show

Flash Hammer defeats Dicky P in 12:01 via submission with a Stealth Viper
We are all happy that Dicky P didn't look good in this match after somehow winning two to get there. It was just a fluke, whew... then again, lately he's had a bit of a run, winning a title in Pandemonium.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Seven deadly pins... seven ways to win. You know the rest.
Plumeria vs. A Mimic vs. Black vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. Muscle Wizard

SPOILER: Click to show

A Mimic eliminates Muscle Wizard in 12:00 via pinfall with a Schoolboy
Black eliminates Plumeria in 16:08 via submission by destroying her knee
Black eliminates ASS in 18:30 via pinfall after a Broly Bomb
Black eliminates a mimic in 19:54 via submission by destroying its knee
Nawt A Robutt eliminates Blaze Rider in 21:48 via submission with a Guillotine Choke
Black eliminates Manic Misanthrope in 21:53 via submission with unrelenting stomps
Black eliminates Nawt A Robutt in 29:45 via submission by destroying his knee
Oh wow, what the fuck Black? While I'm going against the narrative that he's "turning heel" he sure loves destroying knees and attacks in a much more primal fashion. Ah well. It did earn him the win in this match, where he eliminated most of the other contestants.

#3 Singles Match (BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Midas Minoson

SPOILER: Click to show

Isabel Ibarra defeats Midas in 15:51 after the explosion triggers and Midas is unable to continue
For a second time in one of Isabel's matches, Explosion-Chan is redeemed just before the match. Thankfully this did not see a repeat of when it happened against Dash. The fight was brutal but in the end, despite the explosion triggering, she could still stand, while Midas could not.

#4 Singles Match
No metter how we dice it, shenanigans are abound.
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Sexton Blud

SPOILER: Click to show

Sexton defeats Vacation Skeleton in 25:32 via DQ by throwing a broken Lightube at them and pretending he got hit with it.
I'm not sure what it is with these two but they refused to stop fighting. They had to trick the referee into a DQ finish somehow... again. However, it was not Vacation Skeleton who would win in this fashion but Sexton.

#5 Singles Match
Grace Thoruson is challenged by an outsider. She received a note that simply read "Let's go to Suplex City, bitch! Time to die!".

SPOILER: Click to show

Suplex Goddess is awarded the win in 11:15 when Grace does not answer the DQ count of the ref
This was some good s hit! Fuck yeah. Suplexes galore, throwing people around. This is wrestling, this is what we live for. Then Grace did the old "I'm not gonna stop puinching you" special move that gets her DQ'd which is a bit disappointing to be honest. But maybe they'll meet again at a later time, who knows?

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Can The Union join The Fun Gang in the winnning title matches via DQ club?
The Union vs. Steve Dirt and Family Man

SPOILER: Click to show

The Union deafeat Steve and Family Man in 29:21 when Josef pins Family Man with Ooof.
Okay, this is kinda crazy because, well, Josef got tagged in early in the match and then never tagged out again. He basically took on Family Man and Steve Dirt on his own. Something that you wouldn't expect Josef to be capable of. Well, there was this time outside the ring with Steve Dirt where Josef got beaten up super hard so my suspicion is Josef forgot both how to feel pain and that this was a tag match. And he won. Bastard.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship - Lest Jimmy Standing Match
The letter V is on the line and Angus is pissed... but so far he could not put a dent into VACANT.
VACANT vs. Angus McMutton (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

VACANT defeats Angus in 13:53 when Angus can't quite get up before the count of 10.
While pretty much all of us expected this to be less one-sided it is important that VACANT has gained a significant amount of power since the last time he and Angus met. So, although it was shocking it should not be a big surprise that it ended the way it did. VACANT decisively beat Angus.

#8 J.O.B. Capital L Palate Cleanser Over the Top Rope Clusterfuck
All seven people who lost in the J.O.B. Tournament

SPOILER: Click to show

Dicky P gets thrown out at 6:34
Family Man gets thrown out at 8:48
F.O.E. gets DQ'd at 9:30 (not even supposed to be here)
Great Maharaja is thrown out at 10:01
Agnes is thrown out at 11:48
Suman is thrown out at 12:04
Harley Havik pins Super Samio after a Killshot at 21:11
Well, this match is called a "palate cleanser" for a reason. I knew the previous match would be one of two things: Either a decisive victory for Vacant or a heated fight in which Angus barely pulls through. So you kinda need something to settle down again, right? Well, In this here match we have everyone who lost in the J.O.B. tournament and F.O.E. somehow. Halfway through the ref realized F.O.E. wasn't supposed to be there and DQ'd him. The rest is mostly normal stuff about throwing people out but somehow pinfalls and submissions were enabled so we actually ended with a pinfall when Harley defeated Super Samio to win the match.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

SATAN approaches VACANT backstage, having seen him fight Angus up close SATAN is now afraid of his creation, infusing a part of himself into VACANT that according to SATAN should make VACANT less evil. VACANT collapses. Probably afraid for his life despite SATAN's reassurance VACANT asks to be comforted by SATAN, after some hesitation he obliges and kneels down next to VACNAT...

... who then reveals he has learned this whole power transfer thing when SATAN did it and sucks SATAN dry. People just kinda assume he's dead now just because that's what it looks like but I'll have you know if there's no SATAN hell would collapse. Or maybe that's in VACANT's hands now, I dunno.

Championship Video

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

With SATAN nowhere to be found IGgy jumps in as a referee for the main event.

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Although his place here is well earned at this point... I hope Dash eats shit.
Dash Rendar vs. Fomore (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Fomore defeats Dash Rendar in 29:20 via submission WITH AN ARMBAR (variation)!
Statistically This match was more or less 50/50 with Fomore being the slight underdog. And I think that shows nicely in this match. Dash is much more physically imposing and not afraid to bring out some bigger guns early on. Fomore on the other hand, while they also have the bigger and impressive looking moves, such as a Crucifix Powerbomb or a Kudo Driver or even a DVD, the bulk of their offense is actually a good submission designed to disarm the opponent. Fomore used both types of offense and was able to win in the end. But it was hard fought. Can't believe I'm putting over Dash like this.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

VACANT shows up all red and everything and asks "to test something out real quick" it's unclear what he means but then he beats everyone up mostly with his weakest moves. Granted Fomore and Dash had been in a grueling match just now. So much for ending on a high note.

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 18, 2021 21:32:49 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 18, 2021 21:32:49 GMT

Week 125: Long Live Satan
Right, last time VACANT absorbed SATAN's powers. At least the parts he liked. So who the fuck even knows? Well, we still exist and the show must go on.

#1 Singles Match
Guzma gonna get wrecked because homelessness doesn't exist in Pokemon.
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Guzma

#2 Singles Match
This should be suitably violent
Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter (w/ Maya)

#3 Singles Match
The classic clash of styles. But Lea can do some power moves too.
Lea Lionheart vs. Spitbal

#4 Four-Way
Well, these are just gonna go at it.
Mr. Shakedown vs. George Cluwney vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Sapp Ledesma

#5 Singles Match
We've seen neither of them in over a month. How does Sonic like Spiders?
Danny V5 vs. Harmony Gray

#6 Singles Match
Two successful champions face each other. Just only one of them was a singles title.
Pantha vs. Maya Northwind (w/ Kelsey)

#7 Legion Tag Team Match
It's only fitting that The Union's first defense is against a coffee elemental and a sexy skeleton
The Fun Gang (DCB+Skullistair) vs. The Union (c)

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 25, 2021 19:22:23 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 25, 2021 19:22:23 GMT

All right, last week I did not stream because I was tired as fuck watching CM Punk return the day before.
So this week I'll do two shows! One on Friday, the other on Saturday. We've done this before so there's no need to be confused. Weeks is just what we call episodes and also the flow of time is convoluted so y'know. That's just what we get.

In any case, first you get the match card I already posted last week, which we'll see play out on friday and the one that would normally be this week and... in fact is this week. On Saturday.

Heads-up that these links take you to the corresponding show on the twitch schedule, so nothing fancy here. But they do in fact tell you when exactly the show will happen in your local time zone.

Week 125: Long Live Satan
Right, last time VACANT absorbed SATAN's powers. At least the parts he liked. So who the fuck even knows? Well, we still exist and the show must go on.

#1 Singles Match
Guzma gonna get wrecked because homelessness doesn't exist in Pokemon.
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Guzma

#2 Singles Match
This should be suitably violent
Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter (w/ Maya)

#3 Singles Match
The classic clash of styles. But Lea can do some power moves too.
Lea Lionheart vs. Spitbal

#4 Four-Way
Well, these are just gonna go at it.
Mr. Shakedown vs. George Cluwney vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Sapp Ledesma

#5 Singles Match
We've seen neither of them in over a month. How does Sonic like Spiders?
Danny V5 vs. Harmony Gray

#6 Singles Match
Two successful champions face each other. Just only one of them was a singles title.
Pantha vs. Maya Northwind (w/ Kelsey)

#7 Legion Tag Team Match
It's only fitting that The Union's first defense is against a coffee elemental and a sexy skeleton
The Fun Gang (DCB+Skullistair) vs. The Union (c)

Week 126: Thousand Matches
This episode is named Thousand Matches because I realized that this episode contains our thousandth match. RIGHT IN THE OPENER BAYBEE LETS GOOOOOO!

#1 Singles Match
These two have the honor of being in the 1000th (!!!) OHPW match
Surfborg vs. Anna May

#2 Singles Match
Just a check-up. This is what fixing her arms looks like.
Tara Milleneon vs. Chief Engineer

#3 Tag Team Match
None of these have ever been in a Tag match (in OHPW)
Lea, Koji, Pig Destroyer, Hayley vs. Not Your God, Florida Man, Flash Hammer, Spitbal

#4 Showdown Rules (3 rounds, 5 minutes each)
A tale of two f-w*rds
Johnny Fuckyou vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

#5 Singles Match
Would be one hell of an upset if Harley could do it...
Suzan Blades vs. Harley Havik

#6 Singles Match
With the ring being painted red and Isabel wearing green it might look pretty festive. Hail Satan.
Steve Dirt vs. Isabel Ibarra

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
8 Wrestlers Enter. Seven leave again. The deadliest pinner remains.
Malfest goat-Monster vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Doctor Mutant vs. Bone Idol vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Black (c)

Last Edit: Aug 25, 2021 19:23:05 GMT by IGgy IGsen

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 28, 2021 10:54:06 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 28, 2021 10:54:06 GMT

Week 125: Long Live Satan - (Twitch VOD)

Week 125: Long Live Satan
Right, last time VACANT absorbed SATAN's powers. At least the parts he liked. So who the fuck even knows? Well, we still exist and the show must go on.

#1 Singles Match
Guzma gonna get wrecked because homelessness doesn't exist in Pokemon.
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Guzma

SPOILER: Click to show

Hobo defeats Guzma in 16:38 via Pinfall after a Diving Headbutt
They were brawlin' and it was glorious. We don't get that many of these matches. Normally when we have punches and kicks it's a straight up strikefest. We got blood but not much.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

The Fun Gang hang out backstage and just shoot the shit then Ricc shows up and is scared or whatever but he leaves and the Fun Gang just talk about their match instead.

#2 Singles Match
This should be suitably violent
Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter (w/ Maya)

SPOILER: Click to show

Pig Destroyer defeats Kelsey in 9:23 via Pinfall after the Pig Destroyer I
Oof. This was kind of unexpected. Pig Destroyer was in control for almost the entire match with Kelsey struggling to get hits in. After less than ten minutes it mercifully ends.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

IGgy comes out to talk about the status of SATAN and VACANT. SATAN is technically not dead but who knows what that means? And VACANT will no longer be booked and is stripped of the title. Naturally, at this point VACANT walks in and announces his intention to book himself instead whenever he pleasese. And he starts with Ricc 2 Thicc who he beats up very quickly.

#3 Singles Match
The classic clash of styles. But Lea can do some power moves too.
Lea Lionheart vs. Spitbal

SPOILER: Click to show

Lea defeats Spitbal in 8:56 via Pinfall with the Make-A-Wish
Wow, we just had one of those. Lea is in control for most of the match. Spitbal gets some good ones in but nut nearly enough and Lea wins in under nine minutes.

#4 Four-Way
Well, these are just gonna go at it.
Mr. Shakedown vs. George Cluwney vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Sapp Ledesma

SPOILER: Click to show

Cluwney eliminates Mr. Shakedown in 15:58 via Pinfall after Sapp hits The Essence of Neck Destruction
Sexton eliminates Sapp in 16:45 via Submission with a Buster Crab
Sexton eliminates Cluwney in 19:26 via Bullshit (handing him Cluwney a light tube)
Well that was a fuckfest. First we got Sapp doing his finisher on Shakedown only to be distracted but George capitalizes and takes it Then it looks like Sexton and Sapp join forces against the evil clown only for Sexton to betray Sapp, blowing mist into his face and following with a Buster Crab forcing Sapp to tap. Finally Sexton manages to convince the ref that George Cluwney used a light tube getting him disqualified from a match without DQ. Good shit!

#5 Singles Match
We've seen neither of them in over a month. How does Sonic like Spiders?
Danny V5 vs. Harmony Gray

SPOILER: Click to show

Danny defeats Harmony in 25:39 via Pinfall with the Reincarnation
Whoa. Danny took it but he REALLY had to earn it He hit like four Emerald Flowsions (!!!!) and the V5 Cutter twice and Harmony still kept going. But it was only a matter of time with this much punishment.

#6 Singles Match
Two successful champions face each other. Just only one of them was a singles title.
Pantha vs. Maya Northwind (w/ Kelsey)

SPOILER: Click to show

Maya defeats Pantha in 21:36 via Pinfall with the Fly Me to the Moonsault
They were evenly matched, although Pantha did not bring out any of her big guns while Maya did multiple times.

#7 Legion Tag Team Match
It's only fitting that The Union's first defense is against a coffee elemental and a sexy skeleton
The Fun Gang (DCB+Skullistair) vs. The Union (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Let's see if I can get this right: It was a normal match until Skullistair decided that Josef is gonna die. Doing a DDT from the top rope driving Josef's head not into the mat, but onto the a piece of wood covered in barbed wire. Naturally that's it. Only not. Skullistair follows with a full nelso suplex on the same barbed wire board and Mina interrupts the pin. But Josef is already gone. He gets up but is merely existing. The next time Josef is down Skullistair puts their foot in his face and pins him. The quote that was under the nameplate when The Fung Gang entered turned out to be true and Skullistair delivered on "we don't do tag team wrestling we do Gang Warfare bitch"

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Aug 29, 2021 10:10:21 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Aug 29, 2021 10:10:21 GMT

Week 126: Thousand Matches - (Twitch VOD)

Well, 1000th match in the opener. Pretty impressive number.

It came up during the stream so here's some more milestone kinda matches

69th match was Undeddie Guerrero vs. Kayu Zakisaka. Undeddie defeated Kayu in 17:37 via Pinfall. It got a 94% rating and happened on 16th March 2019

100th match was a Tag Team Match between The Dash Rendars (regular and Fat) and the Team Skull Grunts, which the Dashes won in 21:48 and got a 88% rating. Naturally this happened on 20th April 2019. Or 4/20 if you insist on writing your dates like a buffoon.

316th Match was Hellranger Flamander vs. Harley Havik. Flamander beat Harley in 10:58, which got a 91.71% rating on 12th October 2019

420th Match was a tag title match between 1 1/2 Dragons and the Team Skull Grunts, which the Grunts won in 20:50 via Pinfall. It got a 92% rating and took place on 18th January 2020

The 500th match was the Semi Finals of the Hellfire Tournament 2020 - Harmony Gray vs. Hellranger Flamander. Flamander defeated Harmony in 10:38 and moved on to face Grace (who would win) The match got a 83% Rating and it took place on 21st March 2020

Our 619th match was a First Fall Battle Royal between Maya, Palpy Koji and Danny V5. Maya submitted Koji in that match, which lasted for 15:51 and got an 82% rating on 11th July 2020

The 666th match was Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka. Harley beat Koji in 21:58 via Submission. It got a 97% rating. It was almost exactly a year ago on 22nd August 2020

Week 126: Thousand Matches
This episode is named Thousand Matches because I realized that this episode contains our thousandth match. RIGHT IN THE OPENER BAYBEE LETS GOOOOOO!

#1 Singles Match
These two have the honor of being in the 1000th (!!!) OHPW match
Surfborg vs. Anna May

SPOILER: Click to show

Anna May defeats Surfborg in 18:16 via Pinfall after a Lariat
We were afraid at the start that this would be another one of those one-sided matches because you never know if it's RNG or something breaking but it turned out fine. It was good. While the mvoe that ended it was a Lariat, Anna May did the Crunchyroll almost immediately before that but it got a rope break.

#2 Singles Match
Just a check-up. This is what fixing her arms looks like.
Tara Milleneon vs. Chief Engineer

SPOILER: Click to show

Tara defeats Chief Engineer in 15:49 when the Explosion triggers and Chief is unable to continue
Explosion-Chan was redeemed for this one, so it turned into a barbed wire deathmatch. Chief now has tools at his disposal but... what's this? Just some bats and sticks and... freaking footballs? He can't work with this! But he tries anyway. Tara and Chief exchange blows, throw each other around, but what it comes down to is the explosion, which occured just as Tara was trying to pin Chief. That last, brutal, move must be what did it because Chief wasn't able to get up anymore, whille Tara was.

#3 Tag Team Match
None of these have ever been in a Tag match (in OHPW)
Lea, Koji, Pig Destroyer, Hayley vs. Not Your God, Florida Man, Flash Hammer, Spitbal

SPOILER: Click to show

Team Red defeats Team Blue in 24:29 via Submission when Pig Destroyer locks Spitbal into a Stretch Muffler
Just some good amount of tag team fun. Notable is probably that NYG from Team Blue controlled the match at the start which caused team Red to cycle through all their members relatively fast. Finally, at the end, we got Pig Destroyer and Spitbal, both of which haven't tagged out in a while. Pig Destroyer continues with his momentum from yesterday while Spitbal may still be held back from is last loss, getting pinned in this match as well.

#4 Showdown Rules (3 rounds, 5 minutes each)
A tale of two f-w*rds
Johnny Fuckyou vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

SPOILER: Click to show

Suplex Goddess defeats Johnny Fuckyou via knockout 55 seconds into the third round.
I made the prediction at the start of the match that throwing people around is more likely to get you the win than punching people and boy did Johnny punch and kick but Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers! got in these suplexes and was able to decide the match for herself at the start of round 3

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

Suplex Goddess steps in front of the promo wall and challenges Grace AGAIN. This time to a Texad Deathmatch.

#5 Singles Match
Would be one hell of an upset if Harley could do it...
Suzan Blades vs. Harley Havik

SPOILER: Click to show

Harley defeats Suzan in 19:56 vis Pinfall after the Killshot
Boy howdy did Harley have to put in the work for this one. Did the Six-Shooter like four or five times and a couple of Killshots too. It's kind of like Danny's match from yesterday only without burying the Emerald Flowsion, so better.

#6 Singles Match
With the ring being painted red and Isabel wearing green it might look pretty festive. Hail Satan.
Steve Dirt vs. Isabel Ibarra

SPOILER: Click to show

Isabel defeats Steve in 10:16 via Pinfall with the Desnucadora
This one didn't take a long time to finish but it was pretty itense. Shortly before it ended Steve Dirt locked in the MDK clutch, causeing her to bleed hard. She didn't miss a beat, though and immediately followed with the sequence that would end the match.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
8 Wrestlers Enter. Seven leave again. The deadliest pinner remains.
Malfest goat-Monster vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Doctor Mutant vs. Bone Idol vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Black (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Kayu eliminates Doc Mutant in 8:16 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
Duckbaby eliminates Kayu in 11:00 via Pinfall with the Lightning Spiral
Goat-Monster eliminates Duckbaby in 15:01 via Pinfall with a Choking Powerbomb
Bone Idol eliminates Goat-Monster in 16:56 via Submission with Bone-Tuggin' Harmony
Black eliminates Undeddie in 18:13 via Pinfall after Fade to Black
Black eliminates Sadim in 20:16 via submission with absolute knee destruction
Black eliminates Bone Idol in 22:11 via submission with wreckin the knees holy fuck
Possibly the most normal match on the card for what it's worth. Despite having the Duckbaby in it. I guess this just shows that you always bet on Black.

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 1, 2021 19:31:09 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 1, 2021 19:31:09 GMT

Week 127: Devacate
Saturday, usual time.
Ah yes, let's go home. Next week is the PPV, before then we'll determine a contender for the Hellweight title as well as a new Darkweight Champion.
And there's other cool stuff too.

#1 Singles Match
Don't let anyone tell you we're not family oriented. We're even sending a bear after the guy with a family.
Great Maharaja vs. Family Man

#2 Singles Match
Time for Palpy to get Pilmanized.
Plumeria vs. Palpy

#3 Three-Way (First Fall)
If it weren't for Agnes this would be a big beef hoss battle
Agnes Paragon vs. Thunder vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

#4 Singles Match
How many Sunken Chests will Boob do? That's the real question.
EGO vs. Boob Marley

#5 Tag Team Match
I feel like we've had the before times and the end times clashing already, but there can never be enough.
Caveman Connection vs. Fallout Boys

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Danny earned this by defeating a former champ, but Isable really worked for this over a long time. Let's settle this.
Danny V5 vs. Isabel Ibarra

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Recently vacated, let's find a new champ.
Harley Havik vs. Maya Northwind (c)

Last Edit: Sept 1, 2021 19:31:36 GMT by IGgy IGsen

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 5, 2021 9:57:23 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 5, 2021 9:57:23 GMT

Week 127: Devacate - (Twitch VOD)

Week 127: Devacate
Saturday, usual time.
Ah yes, let's go home. Next week is the PPV, before then we'll determine a contender for the Hellweight title as well as a new Darkweight Champion.
And there's other cool stuff too.

#1 Singles Match
Don't let anyone tell you we're not family oriented. We're even sending a bear after the guy with a family.
Great Maharaja vs. Family Man

SPOILER: Click to show

Family Man defeats Great Maharaja in 20:01 via pinfall by Trying His Best
Maharaja fell short again because he refused to end it. At the start of the match he was in full control but let Family Man regain some footing. Maybe one day he'll learn.

#2 Singles Match
Time for Palpy to get Pilmanized.
Plumeria vs. Palpy

SPOILER: Click to show

Plumeria defeats Palpatine in 16:52 via pinfall after an Asai Backbreaker
Mysteriously no legs or arms were broken with chairs. A bit disappointing. But on the plus side Palpy still lost.

#3 Three-Way (First Fall)
If it weren't for Agnes this would be a big beef hoss battle
Agnes Paragon vs. Thunder vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

SPOILER: Click to show

Sgt. Sprinklez wins in 11:33 via submission by putting Agnes in a Cobra Twist
The match starts off with Thunder and Sprinklez throwing Agnes out of the ring to duke it out. Naturally this doesn't last. She comes back almost immediately. This continues for a bit. They don't even interrupt each others attempts to pin or submit her. Until finally she submits, ending the match.

#4 Singles Match
How many Sunken Chests will Boob do? That's the real question.
EGO vs. Boob Marley

SPOILER: Click to show

Ego defeats Boob Marley in 10:28 via Pinfall after Super Ego Flying High
No (0) Sunken Chests in this match. Very uncharacteristic of the biggest chest in the business. Instead EGO lays it on think with their own finishers

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

VACANT comes out and makes clear he wants to fight Pig Destroyer, wisely but also foolishly, Pig Destroyer comes out to be destroyed.

#5 Tag Team Match
I feel like we've had the before times and the end times clashing already, but there can never be enough.
Caveman Connection vs. Fallout Boys

SPOILER: Click to show

Caveman Connection defeat Fallout Boys in 12:25 via submission when Arggah locks the Mandible Claw on Rick Wreckage.
Wow, that was short for a tag match. But I'll take it. They go back anf forth and at one point there's a beatdown on the outside. But the Cavemen prevail.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Danny earned this by defeating a former champ, but Isable really worked for this over a long time. Let's settle this.
Danny V5 vs. Isabel Ibarra

SPOILER: Click to show

Isabel defeats Danny in 13:15 via Pinfall with a Reverse Firebird Splash
Another one that was surprisingly short. Usually Danny goes gets all his moves in twice. But Isabel decided she's gotta take this youngun out quick or she'll get overwhelmed later in the match. And she did just that.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Recently vacated, let's find a new champ.
Harley Havik vs. Maya Northwind (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Harley defeats Maya in 30:18 via pinfall after the Killshot
The two are fighting. And they go. However, Harley hits the Six-Shooter. SMOKIN' SEXY STYLE! But what the hell? Maya gets back up but can barely move. She powers through against Harley's offense, Withstanding multiple Six-Shooters and Killshots. Following with her own Run-Up Sentons. However, finally another Killshot keeps Maya down for good. Harley takes the vacated Darkweight Title

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 8, 2021 18:46:01 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 8, 2021 18:46:01 GMT

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION
PPV Time! And I got a name for it... too bad it's so hard to read, what does it say? Okay okay, I wrote it out both above and below in a normal font. But even if I didn't what it's called isn't important, what's important are the matches. Check out the card below.

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Attack and Dethrone the Deadliest Pinner
Dicky P vs. Bone Idol vs. Pine Appel vs. Vacation Skeleton vs. Midas Minoson vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Black (c)

#2 Singles Match
's time for some garbage wrestling.
Steve Dirt vs. Pig Destroyer

#3 Singles Match
Lightning is about to find out that despite her new appearance, Harmony hits as hard as ever.
Harmony Gray vs. Cock Lightning

#4 Singles Match
They seemed to have fun last week but Agnes was buzzkill. Let's just let em fight it out.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Cock Thunder

#5 Texas Deathmatch
Suplex Goddess didn't take Grace DQing herself well. Now it's time for a match where you not only gotta lose, you gotta die.
Grace Thoruson vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

#6 Three-Way
Man, I hope somoene finally makes Sexton bleed again. Maybe chairshots and headbutts will do the trick.
EGO vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Plumeria

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Harley fought hard for this. But she'll have to fight just as hard to keep it.
Lea Lionheart vs. Harley Havik (c)

#8 Legion Tag Titles
I'd be hyped for a lenghty Fun Gang reign, but these Cavemen are not to joked with.
Caveman Connection vs. The Fun Gang (c)

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Isabel's first big chance. But Fomore is ever eager to prove themself.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Fomore (c)

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 12, 2021 11:24:35 GMT jimofmanynames likes this

Quote

Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 12, 2021 11:24:35 GMT

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION - (Twitch VOD)

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION
PPV Time! And I got a name for it... too bad it's so hard to read, what does it say? Okay okay, I wrote it out both above and below in a normal font. But even if I didn't what it's called isn't important, what's important are the matches. Check out the card below.

Scene

SPOILER: Click to show

VACANT comes out and challenges... Isabel Ibarra, who shows up. However Fomore and the former (still?) Anti-VACANT alliance also show up. VACANT decides he can take them all at once. And wins

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Attack and Dethrone the Deadliest Pinner
Dicky P vs. Bone Idol vs. Pine Appel vs. Vacation Skeleton vs. Midas Minoson vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Black (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Midas eliminates Vacation Skeleton in 6:06 by knocking them out with a Mexican Cutter
Dicky P eliminates Midas in 16:44 via Pinfall with a Running School Boy
Dicky P eliminates Suman in 25:45 via Submission with a Leg Lock Single Leg Crab
Black eliminates Maharaja in 29:29 via Pinfall after a Backbreaker
Pine Appel eliminates Bone Idol in 29:56 via Submission with a Kiss, mmmh, fruity fresh!
Pine Appel eliminates Dicky P in 34:39 via Pinfall with a Splash
Pine Appel eliminates Black in 39:22 via Pinfall with a Diving Splash
As always a shitshow and we wouldn't have it any other way. Dicky P got two eliminations somehow. And broke his own neck multiple times. VERY good stuff. Unfortunately Vacation Skeleton was the first out because Midas decided to hit his Cutter extra hard today. Ah well. The match goes on, the chaos slowly becomes less chaotic and it's down to Pine Appel and Black. Pine Appel with all the momentum of two eliminations on their side manages to pin Black with a diving splash.

#2 Singles Match (accidentally a Submission Match)
's time for some garbage wrestling.
Steve Dirt vs. Pig Destroyer

SPOILER: Click to show

Steve Dirt defeats Pig Destroyer in 23:59 via Submission with a Buffalo Sleeper
Needless to say, this wasn't supposed to be a Submission match. But it was. Not used to the stipulation it took them a bit to actually use their submissions. But eventually Steve locked in a Buffalo Sleeper. Pretty old school move considering his normal style but that how he do.

#3 Singles Match
Lightning is about to find out that despite her new appearance, Harmony hits as hard as ever.
Harmony Gray vs. Cock Lightning

SPOILER: Click to show

Harmony defeats Lightning in 9:04 via Pinfall with a Deadlift Spinning Powerbomb
Short and sweet. Mercifully. Because the last match ran long. It was mostly competitive, actually, until Harmony decided it wasn't anymore.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

The Union are backstage, Angus has returned and is not Anus. Mina decides it's a great time to celebrate and leaves to get booze. However, she's tricked into a backstage fight by someone called KILL ANIME GIRLS and gets knocked out.

#4 Singles Match
They seemed to have fun last week but Agnes was buzzkill. Let's just let em fight it out.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Cock Thunder

SPOILER: Click to show

Thunder defeats Sprinklez in 20:39 via Submission with a Seated Dragon Sleeper
There was a lot going on in this match and Thunder even removed the strap. It was less Suplex City from his end, though and more of a variety from both. Naturally, they hit their hardest hitting moves on the outside.

#5 Texas Deathmatch
Suplex Goddess didn't take Grace DQing herself well. Now it's time for a match where you not only gotta lose, you gotta die.
Grace Thoruson vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

SPOILER: Click to show

Grace Thoruson defeats Suplex Goddess in 40:32 via when Suplex Goddess can't answer the 10-Count after being pinned.
This went about as well as I expected. Only Suplex Goddess stopped trying to win after a while and just hit moves instead. It's no surprise, given the stipulation, that this match took long. After all the idea is that you beat your opponent so hard they can't even properly get up after getting pinned.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

Mina awakens, Angus has found her and they get pissed at some dude having attacked their friend

#6 Three-Way
Man, I hope somoene finally makes Sexton bleed again. Maybe chairshots and headbutts will do the trick.
EGO vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Plumeria

SPOILER: Click to show

Sexton wins in 25:21 by pinning Plumeria with a Tiger Suplex
Well, somehow everyone started bleeding except Sexton. We even "accidentally" left weapons in the ring. Sexton still managed to win without his blood power-up.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Harley fought hard for this. But she'll have to fight just as hard to keep it.
Lea Lionheart vs. Harley Havik (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Lea defeats Harley in 11:19 via Pinfall with the Make-A-Wish
Oh damn, that was faster than I think anybody expected. Though with Lea you have to keep in mind that she either wins relatively quickly or it takes a good time for the match to finish. This was the former.

#8 Legion Tag Titles
I'd be hyped for a lenghty Fun Gang reign, but these Cavemen are not to joked with.
Caveman Connection vs. The Fun Gang (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Caveman Connection win in 13:19 via Submission when Ungaah puts Skullistair in a Camel Clutch
Part of me is happy that this and the last match were relatively short because the final show was almost three hours long. But I also really wanted some Fun Gang Warfare. Ah, well. Caveman Connection come out of this with a strong win for sure. May their reign be long ans prosperous.

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Isabel's first big chance. But Fomore is ever eager to prove themself.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Fomore (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Fomore defeats Isabel Ibarra in 26:48 via Submission with the Triangle Lancer[
After both Fomore and Isabel getting beat up pretty bad at the start of the show I'm not sure anyone expected a war like this. I'm partial to Fomore put I was rooting for Isabel as well she's risen very slowly in the year she's been in the company despite being consistently good.

Last Edit: Sept 12, 2021 11:26:10 GMT by IGgy IGsen

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 15, 2021 17:11:48 GMT

Quote

Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 15, 2021 17:11:48 GMT

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun
Saturday, same time as always. And shocking the entire world, we even got some matches lined up. Check em out.

#1 Singles Match
that'll teach ya to run into the corner and fall over, kid! j/k do carry on
Dicky P vs. Vacation Skeleton

#2 Tag Team Match
Both teams have a tag title reign that's 6 defenses long and we're giving this away for free.
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

#3 Singles Match
I didn't consider this when booking but we good the old airborne vs. grounded dynamic going.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Austin Ramon

#4 Singles Match
Pokemon is an Anime. Just saying.
Anna May vs. Sexton Blud (x)

#5 Four-Way (Elimination)
Wow, this match is kinda loaded! What's up with that? No, really, I don't know.
Harmony Gray vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Freddie Hope vs. Muscle Wizard

#6 Singles Match
Go ASS! Face the blaze of Justice!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

#7 Darkweight Championship
In this match... someone's gonna bleed. Wonder who.
Steve Dirt vs. Lea Lionheart (c)

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 25, 2021 9:08:17 GMT

Quote

Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 25, 2021 9:08:17 GMT

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun - (Twitch VOD)
Well that sure happened.

We got another show coming today though.

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun - September 24th 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2
Saturday, same time as always. And shocking the entire world, we even got some matches lined up. Check em out.

#1 Singles Match
that'll teach ya to run into the corner and fall over, kid! j/k do carry on
Dicky P vs. Vacation Skeleton

SPOILER: Click to show

Vacation Skeleton defeats Dicky P in 8:26 via Pinfall with Spring Break!
On one hand a surprisingly short match, on the other hand it was also kind of expected. This was definitely a blood feud. You could like... feel the aura of hatred and... yeah I don't think either of them even knew why I booked this.

#2 Tag Team Match
Both teams have a tag title reign that's 6 defenses long and we're giving this away for free.
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

SPOILER: Click to show

The match is ruled a no contest in 7:09 when Pink climbs the corner and gets a laughing fit.
Yeah, that was weird. Technically a DQ. But that's dumb. I just wanna see them have a match. Look, I'm a mark too. We'll run this one back.

#3 Singles Match
I didn't consider this when booking but we good the old airborne vs. grounded dynamic going.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Austin Ramon

SPOILER: Click to show

Kayu defeats Austin in 13:58 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
Good little bit of back and forth in this one. Kayu looked to be controlling it early on but it soon became more even but it was gonna be Kayu's match. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

Angus disguises himself as an anime girl in the hopes of drawing out KILL ANIME GIRLS. But KAG doesn't show up. I dunno, maybe he's just not here tonight.

#4 Singles Match
Pokemon is an Anime. Just saying.
Anna May vs. Sexton Blud (x)

SPOILER: Click to show

Anna May defeats Sexton in 17:54 via Pinfall after.... the Hero Pose??? Fukken buried.
Well, this was an entertaining match but it ended in the weirdest way possible. Then again, we've had a match and in a laughing fit earlier tonight so maybe this episode is truly cursed.

#5 Four-Way (Elimination)
Wow, this match is kinda loaded! What's up with that? No, really, I don't know.
Harmony Gray vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Freddie Hope vs. Muscle Wizard

SPOILER: Click to show

Muscle Wizard eliminates Ricc in 17:24 via Submission with the Mandible Claw
Harmony eliminates Freddie in 20:49 via Pinfall after a Deadlift Suplex
Muscle Wizard eliminates Harmony in 27:06 via Submission with the Mandible Claw
A lot more switching between opponents than we usually see in these matches. At least it felt that way. Changed the dynamic a good bit too.

#6 Singles Match
Go ASS! Face the blaze of Justice!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

SPOILER: Click to show

This match is ruled a No contest in 10:38. After another extended top rope stay. Technically a DQ in ASS' favor but I'm not having it.
Oh come on! Two in a single show? We're definitely running this back too.

#7 Darkweight Championship
In this match... someone's gonna bleed. Wonder who.
Steve Dirt vs. Lea Lionheart (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Steve Dirt defeats Lea in 17:57 via Pinfall after a Blood'n'Gutbuster
Wow. This made up for all the weirdness we had so far. Going big and going hard right out the gate. Steve gets some heavy hits in on Lea but she manages to make a comeback, hitting her finisher three times, almost in a row to catch back up. We're going fast and brutal from here on, they go back they go forth and finally after much blood shed Lea stays down.

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 26, 2021 10:47:37 GMT

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Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 26, 2021 10:47:37 GMT

Week 130: Unshackled - (Twitch VOD)

Week 130: Unshackled - September 25th 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

#1 Singles Match
Mystery opponents are cool. Let's see what this'll be.
Suman. vs.

SPOILER: Click to show

Toru Yano vs. F.O.E.

SPOILER: Click to show

Toru Yano eliminates F.O.E. in 2:44 by shooting him with a gun.
Toru Yano eliminates Suman. in 10:43 by also shooting him with a gun.

#2 Tag Team Match
Couple more weirdos thrown together. There's no method to this madness.
Majin Bob Sapp, Ricc 2 Thicc, Surfborg, Arcade Legend ASS vs. Black, Midas Minoson, Anna May, Agnes Paragon

SPOILER: Click to show

Team Black wins in 12:13 when Anna May pins Ricc 2 Thicc with the Crunchyroll

#3 Showdown Rules Match (3 rounds, 5 minutes each)
This is the kind of shit we're here for, fight the Pizza!
Hobo vs. Cheese Pietzza

SPOILER: Click to show

Hobo defeats Cheese Pietzza via Judges' Decision

#4 Singles Match
Been a while since the edgy goth boi had a singles match. Well, time to get kicked in the face.
Not Your God vs. Sapp Ledesma

SPOILER: Click to show

Sapp defeats NYG in 11:15 via Pinfall after a Superkick

#5 Tag Team Match
A robot, a skeleton, a mimic and a zombie walk into a wreslting ring...
The Fun Gang (Robutt and Bone Idol) vs. Criminal Sanity (Mimic & Undeddie)

SPOILER: Click to show

Criminal Sanity defeat The Fun Gang in 20:53 via DQ when Undeddie does his Chair Trick on Robutt. Oof.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

VACANT comes out again and demands to face Black. Only instead of Black Sadim shows up. Sadim then reminds VACANT of how he unleashed his full strength against Suzan Blades and that he intends to use it against VACANT. This is the most offense anyone got ever in on VACANT since he took on his new form but it was not enough.

#6 Singles Match
You may think Suzan will obviously take this, but Hayley is on a five match winning streak.
Suzan Blades vs. Hayley Simmons

SPOILER: Click to show

Suzan Blades defeats Hayley Simmons in 20:50 via Submission with the Hijack Backbreaker

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Manic Misanthrope vs. Mina Park vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Super Samio vs. Florida Man vs. Guzma vs. Flash Hammer vs. Pine Appel (c)

SPOILER: Click to show

Manic eliminates Super Samio in 10:44 via Submission with a European Side Headlock
Manic eliminates Pine Appel in 13:46 via Submission with a Sleeper Hold
Flash eliminates Guzma in 15:24 via Submission with a Stealth Viper Hold
Florida Man eliminates Mina in 15:36 via Pinfall after a Backdrop
Manic eliminates Florida Man in 16:44 via Pinfall after a Deadlift German Suplex
Flash eliminates Manic in in 22:29 via Submission with an Dragon Sleeper
Flash Hammer eliminates Duckboy in 23:12 via Pinfall after a Lariat

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Sept 29, 2021 19:56:45 GMT

Quote

Post by IGgy IGsen on Sept 29, 2021 19:56:45 GMT

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - 2nd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well last show sure happened. There were things. Things that I don't want to see repeated.

Oh!

Hopefully this update goes live, ideally before the next show.

We will run the matches back, rest assured. But that's for the PPV. For now behold this week's match card!

#1 Singles Match
Changes of Dash getting kicked in the nuts: high.
Dash Rendar vs. Josef Dub

#2 Singles Match
One of them surfs on a chair, the other breaks your limbs with it.
Surfborg vs. Plumeria

#3 Singles Match
Rick Wreckage mo like Rick Wrecked.
Abby Lawrence vs. Rick Wreckage

#4 Tag Team Match
CS winning by DQ ruined our usual booking of letting the winner of the tag match get a shot. Hopefully they don't do it again.
Criminal Sanity vs. Wizards Not Allowed

#5 Singles Match
Yeah, just giving away the two Hellweight Champs with four defenses for free.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
I always root for the underdog. So whoever is not Suzan.
Suzan Blades vs. Kayu Zakisaka

#7 Legion Tag Championships
FOB get a shot because at least half the team (Doc) has won their last tag match... 16 episodes ago.
Fallout Boys vs. Caveman Connection

IGgy IGsen
Karts Rowdy

Posts: 266

OHPW: Old Hell Pro Wrestling - Business May Die Oct 3, 2021 11:45:57 GMT

Quote

Post by IGgy IGsen on Oct 3, 2021 11:45:57 GMT

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - (Twitch VOD)

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - 2nd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well last show sure happened. There were things. Things that I don't want to see repeated.

Oh!
[timg]https://i.imgur.com/7AIGD6W.png[/timg]
Hopefully this update goes live, ideally before the next show.

We will run the matches back, rest assured. But that's for the PPV. For now behold this week's match card!

#1 Singles Match
Changes of Dash getting kicked in the nuts: high.
Dash Rendar vs. Josef Dub

SPOILER: Click to show

Dash defeats Josef in 4:03 via Pinfall after the Outrunner
Woah, that was fast! I'm pretty sure this was indeed our shortest singles match. Shockingly not our shortest match ever. That honor goes a four-way on our 30th episode when Nero Sin submitted DCB extremely fast. Still, Josef got owned. I knew he'd probably lose but I thought we'd get some ball-bustin going on at the very least.

#2 Singles Match
One of them surfs on a chair, the other breaks your limbs with it.
Surfborg vs. Plumeria

SPOILER: Click to show

Surfborg defeats Plumeria in 12:37 via Submission with a Pendulum
Great showing from Surfborg, though. Didn't waste any time to get out his greatest hits. Just has yet to do his finisher actual finisher. I wonder when he will bring that one out.

#3 Singles Match
Rick Wreckage mo like Rick Wrecked.
Abby Lawrence vs. Rick Wreckage

SPOILER: Click to show

Abby defeats Rick in 14:32 via Pinfall with a Yoshi-Tonic
A great debut for Abby Lawrence in OHPW I wonder which opponents she'd like to face... or put in their place if they're mean. I'm sure we'll figure all that out. Not that Rick was just sitting there and took it, no. He too proved once again that he's not only good together with the FOB but also on his own.

Scene:

SPOILER: Click to show

Mina and Anna May come out and make clear that they want to face KILL ANIME GIRLS. Shockingly, KAG comes out together with Palpy, who's recruited KAG for Goatcorp. However KAG is already ranked higher than Palpy. They end up agreeing to a tag match in an Exploding Cage.

#4 Tag Team Match
CS winning by DQ ruined our usual booking of letting the winner of the tag match get a shot. Hopefully they don't do it again.
Criminal Sanity vs. Wizards Not Allowed

SPOILER: Click to show

Ooops, it's a Barbed Wire Explosion Deathmatch now. And they all exploded after 20 minutes. So it's a draw.
Well, this was a real shitshow. I was thinking of aborting and restarting but then cooler heads prevailed and I just decided to let the madness unfold. The thing is, I forgot to turn on Tornado Rules and there's no check in place in the mod I use that prevents that from happening. So this was a regular tag match with Barbed Wire ropes, only you can't climb through Barbed Wire ropes so the inactive members of the teams stood there in the corner and "pressed the button" to go outside, which is also the button to do a strike, which for both of them was a kick. They kicked forever as Undeddie and George Cluwne had a match with the additional Hazards of two people kicking perpetually in each corner. The crowd goes nuts it's really loud. Not sure what else there is to say, really, I think describing it does it a disservice to begin with. As a bonus, here's what happens if you do the same thing with a 4v4 tag.

#5 Singles Match
Yeah, just giving away the two Hellweight Champs with four defenses for free.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson

SPOILER: Click to show

Pantha defeats Grace in 17:43 via Submission with the Pantha Claw
This match really wouldn't have been out of place in the main event of a PPV for the Hellweight Title. One could almost say that Pantha fought the uphill battle here and indeed Grace able to control the match a bit better, getting more of her heavy hitters in. But when Pantha decided it was time for the kill, she fucking went for the kill and defeated the Fallen Ace of OHPW.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
I always root for the underdog. So whoever is not Suzan.
Suzan Blades vs. Kayu Zakisaka

SPOILER: Click to show

Suzan Blades defeats Kayu in 16:47 via Pinfall after the Knightfall
Much like the previous match, this wouldn't be out of place as a big Hellweight Title match, but it this match took on an intensity. While I mentioned Pantha fought an uphill battle in the previous match this is doubly true for Kayu. She never earned that Hellweight Title so she was really out there to prove that she could hang on that level. And in the end, to Suzan at least, she proved that she could. Suzan hits the Knightfall, one of the most deadly finishers in OHPW and decides it's not enough, doesn't go for the pin, thinks for a second and hits another to keep Kayu down, just to be safe. This was easily MOTN for me.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
FOB get a shot because at least half the team (Doc) has won their last tag match... 16 episodes ago.
Fallout Boys vs. Caveman Connection

SPOILER: Click to show

Caveman Connection defeat the FOB when Arggah pins Doctor Mutant after The Original Destroyer
We have not seen a tag team match go off the rails like this in a while. Neither team could keep it clean. They threw out their opponents, ganged up on them, had big brawls on the outside. Weapons everywhere and blood. It was a close call but the Caveman Connection were able to retain their titles.

In what's kinda hilarious to me the winners of all our matches were in the

SPOILER: Click to show

red corner, which in OHPW is purple. But generally speaking is the one near the ramp, aka to the right-hand side of hour view. Even the comedy of errors that was the Barbed Wire Tag match where I forgot to turn on Tornado rules had the judges award the win to the team in that corner.

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