The STRUGGLE is real - newww stufffffff

I've been watching a lot of early/mid-period ECW for the last couple days, and between all the bigass-dude tag teams, sleazily skimpy-attired valets, excessive need for medical intervention, and the very existence of Damien Kane, all of that resulted in the following dudes and lady-dudes, coming soon to Extreme Wrestling XTREME. (EWX)

Professional paramedics BOARD and COLLAR, along with their devious "coordinator" NURSE WOUNDS, form the terrifying team of DAMAGE CONTROL, who seem more intent on breaking bones than setting them.  You couldn't be in a much worse situation than seeing them lined up across the ring from you, although paradoxically, you'll be in truly excellent hands after the match is over and it's time to deal with your various internal injuries.

Also, I made a grand total of THREE~ custom parts for these dudes, (thanks to Avenger's Photoshop actions) so here's the one you don't see on the wrestler select screen, plus the team logo that served as the other two:

Also headed to EWX is 2000s Tri-State Area mainstay "Bonafide Loverboy" SEXY REX DONOVAN, along with the recent addition of his much younger and several-orders-of-magnitude more attractive wife/valet, LADY DIAMOND DONOVAN.

While Donovan has always been an immensely charismatic dude who's extremely popular with wrestling crowds around these parts, he's never had the most legendary won/loss record, like even back when he still took his shirt off in public. This has caused some awful rumors to circulate that he was mainly just brought in because he's fun to party with and the other wrestlers enjoy ogling his wife. These rumors are, of course, completely true.

(For the record, I think I'm done with sleazily-skimpy dressed valets for a while, because making these two made me feel like a fuckin' pervert.)

Finally, more than likely headed to Tri-State Lucha Libre (TSLL) is this guy:

Rudo FUERTE MAL is a young and unproven talent, but he got signed anyway, because Dorado's talent scouts assured him that he is indeed both deceptively strong and quite bad.

First, as I prepare to actually do an EWX show more than likely next week, (which won't happen often, because the roster is pretty much just large enough to fill one eight-match card) I reworked and/or finished a couple of guys:

Hessian thrashmonger TOXIC WALT got a mild makeover, mostly consisting of new shoes and a sweet gym shorts/sweatpants/knee-high socks/S.O.D. shirt ensemble.

And Grim Holler's resident high-flyer with hardcore aspirations LIL' SNOOKS TUTWILER got a similar makeover, including the hardcore fourth gimmick attire that his dad forbids him from ever using, even though he spent like a hundred buks on those pants.

In TSLL, LA TRUCA got all four attires filled out, I seriously took a moment to make a "HENCHMAN" shirt, and despite it being a very specific reference, I want to put it on about a hundred people now. And I kinda wish I hadn't done the Blue Laser attire, because I really wanna do a Cobra Commander-themed luchador now.

Freelancer BOSTON AARON also has four attires done, but depending on how the 2022 season goes, he might replace #3 with something more Bruins-based.

And Hoss Dojo dude who's been sitting unfinished on my save for at least a year, THE CANDIAN DESTROYER is finally done, and hoo boy, he HATES Canadians!

And a couple NEEEWWW PEEEEOPLEEE

New at the Hoss Dojo (and hopefully, the last new trainee for a while, because its roster is getting kinda bloated already) is RYAN GRABOWSKI, and if the name is familiar, she's the niece of WALTER GRABOWSKI, as well as the cousin of his tag partner NEAL. She's a deceptively strong brawler who tends to hurl herself headfirst at opponents, because all this concern over concussions is overblown if ya ask me, Ed O'Bradovich never had no concussions, I tell ya.

Anyway, I was all excited to make this one, until I found out the hard way that the SNL Superfans sketch where Bill Swersky's daughter shows up features precisely zero instances of her saying "DA BEARS," so her ModPack custom voices are sorely lacking compared to the other two Grabowskis.

And here's a current free agent who's one of, if not the, gnarliest deathmatch ghoul in all of Japan, who decided he needed a ring name to reflect this.  That's right, here is "The King of Hell," SATAN. And if you neglect to type it in all caps, you're highly likely to get stabbed in the face repeatedly. He's not a nice person! (also, I forgot to recolor his jorts on attire #3, pretend those are blue, because I'm not redoing the screenshot)

I've still got dozens of unfinished people on my save, out of like eight billion I've already made, and I still haven't gotten my shit together for the big TSLL debut show, so the absolute worst thing I could ever do is make more new people.  So, here's some new people:

Second-generation wrassler ANNIE STARR is in the mold of the cowboy wrestlers of the territory days, except that she's more tall and lanky than beer keg-shaped, lacks the arm power to finish people with lariats and leans toward (occasionally loaded) boots to the head instead, and oh yeah, she's also not a dude.  But still, at least 15% like the cowboy wrestlers of olden days, and currently making the rounds in the US and Japan as a freelancer.

A fun fact about her dad, "OUTLAW" QUINCY STARR, (who I'm sure I'll make someday, goddammit) is that his actual first name is Bartholomew, which would've been a perfect name for a rootin' tootin' cowboy, but BART STARR was also the name of a Hall of Fame quarterback, so he had to go by his less-than-perfect middle name instead.

Hyper Pro Wrestling MOSES eccentric cruiserweight extraordinaire, LEOPOLD, (remember, that's in all caps) calls himself "The Maestro of Puroresu," and his in-ring performance fits the description. An incredibly fluid athlete, his matches are pro wrestling symphonies, with every move and hold working in perfect harmony, building toward a climactic finish. (that sounded bad)  Anyway, yeah, I watched that one Bugs Bunny cartoon and was like "I'mma make that into a dude."

Aahhhh, yes, THE GOURMAND. A man of wealth, culture, and taste. Taste?  Yes, indeed, The Gourmand has traveled the globe, and tasted the rarest of meats and most forbidden of fruit. The Gourmand has feasted upon the flesh of the komodo dragon, perfectly sliced and seared to his exacting standards, and if it does not meet the demands of his palate, it must be discarded like the refuse that it is, and the chef must be flogged. The Gourmand restlessly seeks only the finest in life, no expense is spared, and none of man's unsophisticated laws will impede his decadent pursuits, for he is The Gourmand. The Gourmand must taste perfection and nothing less, its succulent juices dripping down from his rounded teeth, to his corpulent jowls, and onto his massive, pillow-like chest.  And now, The Gourmand seeks the ultimate.  The Gourmand seeks to hunt the most dangerous game, and to taste the sweetest meat of them all:  The meat... Of victory.

You know, I should stop making new people and finally run some more shows.  Eh, but what can ya do?

OUTLAW QUINCY STARR was no worse than the third rootinest-tootinest cowboy in any territory he wrestled in back in the day, depending on whether or not The Killer Kowboys (Ross Gracie and Buckshot McMurder) were also there at any given time. If nothing else, with his gruff demeanor, devastating heart punch finisher, and missing-ass eyeball, he was at least the scariest cowboy around, roughly 100% of the time. He's been retired for a while, but is kinda-sorta back around the business, managing the fledgling career of his eldest young'un, Annie.

The duo of THE MAGNIFICENT MATTHIAS and THE LOVELY ASSISTANT were once stage magicians, albeit not very successful ones, as neither could do magic worth a good god damn. (As for her name and mask, The Assistant had a pretty respectable office job at the time, which she didn't want to jeopardize by being seen getting booed off the stage in some dive bar while wearing fishnets and hotpants) Then, one fateful night, they were in rare form, having pulled an incredibly old (and subsequently dead) rabbit out of a hat, followed by a card trick that took thirty-five guesses before revealing the audience member's card. This led to some pretty savage heckling from a drunken couple in the front row, which led to some pretty biting comebacks, which led to the two rushing the stage, which then shockingly led to what witnesses have called "two idiots in tuxedos who couldn't do magic stomping the living shit out of like seven people." After a brief stay in the county jail, the two then decided that there might be other, more violent, ways to entertain a crowd.

Finally, STRUGGLE's resident egomaniacal asshole whose won/loss record rarely justifies this, CRASH FERRARI, has a new wardrobe which mainly came about because half the goddamn roster has a red/black color scheme.

Some makeovers for old guys of varying degrees, YEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

The entire THINK TANK got a once-over, mainly to add post-PartsCraft suit parts and add fancy identifying letters to their pants, which I already want to re-do, because they extend beyond the actual tights in some angles.  Also, Humungulus's pants should say "Mungo" instead of "Mongo," goddammit.  Also, X and Y are missing buttons on their suits. Jesus, why did I show this to you people?

THE TURD BOYZ complete their transition from full-body tights Memphis-jobber team pastiche to being Dudley Boyz pastiche. I need to find better simulated camo shirt parts for Turd #2A's attire #2, which I might actually have in the form of uninstalled ModPack-style custom parts. I really did need to wait before I showed these off.

In a more substantial and ready-for-primetime update, former champ and possible demigod IMMORTAN JIMMY looks to regain the cruiserweight title with a bold new look for summer.

I really should do another show someday.

Slowly starting to realize that I'll never run another show or simulate another meaningful match, and that I'm just going to keep making new people until my save file threatens the memory limits for a 32 bit application. But eh, what can ya do.

First a couple new t-shirts, as STRUGGLE continues to fight to stay financially afloat.

Perpetually aggrieved former meteorologist STORMY KNIGHT finally gets some measure of respect in a 50/50 poly blend.

And in case you were wondering, the rumors about BIG DICK FUCHS are all true.

Now, we travel back to the early 2000s, for an unusually depressing venture into LEGENDS OF THE TRI-STATE AREA

In the dying days of the Tri-State Wrestling Alliance, (and a very, very brief moment in the early days of STRUGGLE) ALEX KANE helped form kind of a "four pillars" situation of young, can't-miss future stars, along with ACE LA GRANGE, DAMIEN NOVA, and LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR JUSTICE. (aka PRESIDENT EVIL) While he didn't have the charisma and physique of Ace, the high-flying acrobatics of Nova, (with whom he formed the Nova-Kane tag team for a while) or the work ethic and inhuman strength of the L.G., he had one thing no one else had:  The dude was damn near seven feet tall, (he was listed at 7'2", but was really closer to 6'10". Wrestling, y'all.) and could move like a normal human being. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he helped form sort of an informal clique of absolutely out-of-control party animals, along with Nova, Ace and Yumiko La Grange, Irving Goldstein (who usually stayed pretty straight and was the designated driver/cop whisperer of the crew), Minerva, (Who I'll get to in a second, don't worry), and Sexy Rex Donovan. And I think you can see where this is all going, as I've used exclusively past-tense verbs to this point. Basically, in any tale of pro wrestlers gone wild, there's always at least one guy who doesn't make it, and thanks to a stupidly large mix of painkillers and vodka, he transitioned to the past tense just shy of his 25th birthday. And to make matters worse, the enhanced police scrutiny of this whole situation in the aftermath led directly to the traffic stop that put Damien Nova (who people still blame for Kane's death, which is bullshit) for over 15 years. I'd like to say that this was a huge wakeup call to the rest of the crew, but lol wrestlers, amirite?

Meanwhile, former basketball player-turned bodybuilder-turned wrestler, MINERVA was yet another "next big thing" back in the day, being an absolutely absurd physical specimen, who managed to actually retained some small shred of athleticism after getting completely goddamn swole. (which isn't to stay that she was doing backflips or anything, but she wasn't plodding around like DEE STROYER or BIG BEN GRIM, either) She was also the official contraband-procurer for the aforementioned band of degenerates, because man seriously, bodybuilders are always into some crazy shit. Like for real, if you need plutonium, I bet a bodybuilder can find you some, it's insane. She was also rumored to have been romantically involved with basically everybody who was around at the time, including Nova, Kane, both La Granges, TUPAC MACHINE, and for some reason, ROSS GRACIE, but there's a likelihood of roughly 100% that it was all nonsense made up by horny internet dweebs. However, while she mostly never dignified any of this with a response, she actually did make a point to vehemently deny any affair with Ace La Grange, and man, lololol holy crap dudes, you know that shit totally happened. Dude was laying so much pipe back then that he could have fully repaired the Flint, Michigan plumbing system.  But anyway, she's another case of a "what if?" as she absolutely torched her back in a match with HODA DUDA-DAY, (who had a different last name at the time, naturally) and was looking at a two-year recovery time. She was also looking at an ongoing investigation by the local PD as the official locker room medicine cabinet, (a role GUMMO NAKAMURA eventually took over) and decided to keep a low profile, via early and unspoken retirement. These days, she has her shit mostly together, with a couple of kids, an ex-husband she totally gets along with, and a pretty sweet career as a personal trainer and strength-and-conditioning coach for the Tri-State Sewer Gators minor league baseball team. She's also teased a return to the ring a lot over the last few years, and while she's still in utterly absurd physical condition, she's on the wrong side of forty, so she should probably hurry.

Now, we move to present day, with a trio of free agents, floating around the unnamed local outlaw mudshows:

"The Human Bulldozer" KANE WALKER is believed with a high degree of certainty to be the illegitimate son of ALEX KANE, which is something he'd really like to downplay, but kind of can't, thanks to his mom naming him fucking "Kane." Anyway, fresh off a collegiate career which saw him both wrestle and play football at a high level, (yet somehow not end up in the pros and/or Olympics, which people who know better can't seem to figure out) he's now moved on to pro wrestling, against his better judgement. And while he's technically greener than goose shit, he's already turning a lot of heads, combining absolutely massive size (6'5" and about half a sammich shy of 300 pounds) with impressive athleticism and technical ability, and is already getting a lot of buzz as "the next big thing." The Pro Wrestling Observator newsletter has already called him "the greatest natural prospect in the Tri-State Area since Ace La Grange," which has probably cursed and doomed him, but we'll ignore that. There will probably be a huge bidding war for his services soon, which is to say that STRUGGLE can't afford him, TSLL is a bad stylistic fit for him, and he'll probably refuse to lower himself to working for EWX, so we all look forward to seeing him sign with View Japan or the SWA and thinking about what might have been.

And speaking of poor life choices, introducing the TIGER SQUAD!

Inspired by their wrestling idol, PARTY TIGER, these two youngsters decided to emulate her way of applying the Eye of the Tiger to her true passion, (partying, duh) and have now donned masks and rechristened themselves as SKA TIGER and VOLLEYBALL TIGER. It is... Man, it's even dumber than it sounds. As they gain experience in the ring, they look toward eventually impressing the O.G. Tiger enough to convince her to take them in as apprentices, and this is surely a great decision that won't backfire horrifically for them both.  I mean, what can possibly go wrong with a raging alcoholic pill-popper who's at least two-thirds of the way out of Las Vegas at this point being handed the extremely-malleable minds and futures of two young and impressionable absolute dipshits? Haaaa, wrestling should be abolished.