BBO: Boxcar Boxing Organization

"BBO looking for a Sweet Touch"

by Raine Mathewson

"This reporter recently had a chance to sit with a promoter hoping to make a splash in the world of boxing. That man is Lucius Sweet and he is the head of Lucius Sweet's Pugilistic Promotions. His organization is launching BBO- Boxcar Boxing Organization. Below is the transcript of a sit-down interview I had with Mr. Sweet."

Raine Mathewson: "Mr. Sweet, thanks for your time. Let's cut right to the chase. First question: Why launch the BBO?"

Lucius Sweet: "Well, it's obvious, many fans of the sweet science are left bereft of good, old fashioned, dirty boxing. With four main bodies, a myriad of promoters and stables of fighters, many times things get convoluted. Even when deals are inked, the fights themselves are often lackluster. I created BBO to be a place where a youngster can come in and not have to worry about five six crooked promoters, they just deal with me. All they have to do is train and get ready to fight. For the fans and fighters, instead of many different titles in many different divisions with a million labels and a jumbled history, there will simply be three titles, one for each division. There won't be interim titles, over time, we may add a secondary title to each division, but I promise fans won't have a hard a time following the chronology of this organization."

Raine Mathewson: "With one promoter, and one body in control, doesn't that lead to corruption? Doesn't power corrupt and absolute power corrupt absolutely?"

Lucius Sweet: "I am in this to do two things, make money and showcase boxing talent. If a fighter has the talent, the fans will want to see him. If they want to see him, they will pay to see him. If they pay to see him, then I guarantee that both the fighter and myself can make a lot of bank together."

Raine Mathewson: "From what I understand, the rules will be a little different, would you please elaborate?"

Lucius Sweet: "Oh indeed. First, there will be three weight divisions. Heavyweights are 200 pounds and up. I have Light-Heavyweights from 175-199 pounds and Juniorweights are 150-174 pounds. Judges will not be present. If the fight goes the distance, it is a draw. There won't be any room for any pundits to complain about decisions. There will be a winner, or there will be a draw. It's simple. I hired a great referee from Mexico to officiate, and he will make sure there won't be any premature stoppages."

"As well, to ensure an environment that will be conducive to finding a winner, non-title fights will be scheduled for ten rounds. Title Fights will be scheduled for fifteen."

Raine Mathewson: "Fifteen rounds? Are you serious? There has been precedent for boxers dying after 15 round wars."

Lucius Sweet: "I have hired a great doctor, Dr. Riveria. He assured me fifteen rounds will not pose any danger outside the risk of any combat sport. Besides, I ran some special paperwork by the state athletic commission, and they agreed."

Raine Mathewson: "Are any fighters signed yet?"

Lucius Sweet: "Oh yes, we have 'Brawlin' Billy Malone. He's a former Muay Thai fighter who crossed over to Boxing. he will fight at Light-Heavyweight. Also signed up is Terry 'Dollar' Bill Irving and Walmart Willie. He's an electronics manager wanting to break into the big time! I also have a couple of names you know. The first is Bimbo Spice."

Raine Mathewson: "The U-Toob brawler?"

Lucius Sweet: "Oh yes. Also, fresh from his latest stint in the State Pen, I have been reunited with Mr. Armageddon."

Raine Mathewson: "You mean..."

Lucius Sweet: "Oh yes...Drederick Tatum! Now, I must end things here. We are negotiating with many fighters and we want to be able to fill the ranks and get fights scheduled. Keep your ears open, more names will be coming and BBO will cause a rumbling in the boxing world."

"From Superstore to Superstar?"

Dayton, OH- "With the announcement of Lucius Sweet's Pugilistic Promotions in conjunction with Duff Beer's BBO Barely Legal Championship Boxing: The Golden Ticket 1; this reporter traveled to Ohio to meet one of the fighters in the main event. This reporter had the chance to meet with Walmart Willie behind his local Walmart while he was on lunch break."

Raine: "Thanks for meeting with me. I know between your job and training for the big fight, you're busy."

Walmart Willie: "It's fine. It beats hanging out with the jackasses in the break room. I swear if I hear Linda go on about her kids making Dean's List one more time, I'll put that [expletive] in the baler!"

Raine Mathewson: "So, according to the data I've been able to garner, you stand at 6'2", weigh in around 290 pounds and you're around 40 years old. Why are you boxing? Why accept a fight with Tatum? You have a retail career. From what I understand, you're the manager for the Electronics Department."

Walmart Willie: [He started coughing halfway through a drag on a cigarette then burst into uproarious laughter. His tone then became serious] "Well, I'm divorced, I work 30 hours a week for $10.50 an hour. I can't see my kid because of my [expletive] of an ex-wife. My manager is a jackass, my job's a [expletive]-ing joke! Mr. Sweet is offering more money for less time and the health coverage will be better...because there will actually be [expletive]-ing health coverage!"

Raine: "So you see this as a rags to riches story?"

Walmart Willie: "Nah. This is a rags to I can pay my bills story."

Raine Mathewson: "Can you tell me what your training has been like?"

Walmart Willie: "Well, I did cut back on smoking, just 5 smokes a day. After the store closes, I use a punching bag that's on display in the Sports Section. I bounce tennis balls off the bathroom walls to practice. Instead of walking to work, I try to jog part of the way when it isn't too icy. Also, I got into a couple of fights with some Karens in the parking lot after my shift. Thankfully it was far enough away to not get picked up on camera. I have a pal in Loss Prevention who checked. It felt good throwing out some right hands."

Raine Mathewson: "Even though he spent considerable time in prison and is no longer the boxer he used to be, Drederick Tatum is still a former world champ and probably forgot more about the Sweet Science than you learned. How do you deal with thinking about your opponent and the pummeling you're likely to get?"

Walmart Willie: "I visualize. I don't see myself fighting Tatum. You'd have to be a retard to fight the champ! When I get in that ring, I'll just see that old dead [expletive] Sam Walton's [sic] zombiefied face, my [expletive] Manager's [expletive]-eating grin and every [expletive]-face Karen in this forsaken city! I'll be ready. Once I make enough boxing, I can tell everyone in this store where to go and I'll gladly give them directions on how to get there!"

Raine: "Well Willie, thanks for your time, I wish you the best of luck."

Walmart Willie: "Sure thing, I need to clock back in, then I can sleep in the back somewhere."

"Time will tell if Walmart Willie will ascend to the heights of stardom, or if he'll end up in a coma."

The fighter's were gathered and underwent the process of weighing in. Here are the stats.

Jim Dandy: 6'6" and 244 pounds

Joe Gorman: 6'3" and 260 pounds

Heavy D!: 6'10" and 249 Pounds

Bimbo Spice: 6'3" and 233 pounds

ButterBall: 5'10" and 321 pounds

Terry Irving: 6'4" and 268 pounds

Walmart Willie: 6'2" and 287 pounds

Drederick Tatum: 6'4" and 246 pounds

"Justice" Jim Dandy (-110) vs "Big" Joe Gorman (-110)

Heavy D! (-110) vs Bimbo Spice (+110)

ButterBall (+250) vs Terry "Dollar Bill" Irving (-275)

Walmart Willie (+500) vs "Mr. Armageddon" Drederick Tatum (-500)

Jim Dandy said he was happy to have positive reviews on the feature article and hoped to implement his game plan.

Joe Gorman said that while there was respect outside the ring, in the ring he would be swinging with bad intentions.

Heavy D! said he was the biggest man in BBO in every way that mattered, and that Bimbo Spice was a never-was chump who will be KOed in the 1st round.

Bimbo Spice said Heavy D! was a big-mouthed [expletive] who would end up comatose.

Butterball said that he hoped to explode and end the fight before Round 4.

Terry Irving said he wanted to reach the heights and that meant starting off by stepping on turkeys.

Walmart Willie said he'd rather get punched by Tatum than deal with the {expletive]-heads at his job.

Drederick Tatum said he enjoyed having Willie's article read to him, thought Walmart Willie was a good guy. But in the ring, there wouldn't be a KO, there would be manslaughter.

Aftermath

Springfield, USA- Lucius Sweet's Pugilistic Promotions presented Boxcar Boxing Organization's Barely Legal Championship Boxing in conjunction with Duff Beer. The fans in the Boxcar Boxing Pavilion were treated to a night of swift knockouts and short, but brutal exchanges. This reporter had a chance to catch up with the eight fighters involved and was able to get their thoughts on the event.

    First of all, Jim Dandy was very disappointed in his loss to Joe Gorman. Dandy expressed regret at not winning, praised Gorman for his win and stated he would like a chance for a rematch down the line. Dandy said he hoped he wasn't finished.

    Joe Gorman expressed mutual respect to Jim Dandy. Gorman said Dandy was no joke, and with both men having two knockdowns each in the second round, it was anyone's fight. Gorman expressed desire to be the first opponent to challenge the future BBO Heavyweight Title holder.

    Heavy D! did not wish to speak. when pressed for comment he simply said he would be back and fiercer than before.

    Bimbo Spice mocked his opponent and said Heavy D! had a better future in fast food than in boxing. Bimbo stated that he had his sights set on Tatum and Tatum alone. Bimbo said he hoped to have a fight lined up asap and asked Sweet to make it happen.

    Butterball said that Irving did hurt him with a big combination to the body, but that he wasn't done yet in BBO. He congratulated Irving on being the better man in the ring. Butterball said that his next goal was to get in the ring and overcome the psychological effect of the TKO loss.

    Wal-Mart Willie said he hoped he showed he wasn't a joke. No one expected him to win, he said he didn't to either, but he hoped he showed that by going into the fourth with Tatum, that shows he does have a place in BBO. He said he would gladly accept the role of journeyman or especially gatekeeper. He just wanted to get paid.

     Terry Irving said that it should come as no shock that he was going to fight for the title. He said that while Gorman and Dandy were okay as fighters, they were beneath him and Tatum. Irving said he was excited to get back in the ring and that his medical suspension was a minimum suspension. He said he'd be back in training in no time and hoped that Sweet would make the announcement soon so a proper camp could be set up.

    Drederick Tatum said he had a mixture of happiness and disappointment. He was happy Wal-Mart Willie wasn't too badly hurt, but he was disappointed he didn't shatter Wal-Mart Willie's jaw. Tatum felt he was a bit rusty and that he needed a couple of more fights to get his rhythm back. He expected to have an explosive contest with Irving for the title.

    Lucius Sweet said that the gate was small as the venue was small. However, with ticket prices, Duff sponsorship, and Nero's Palace giving the promotion a cut of the betting income; it promised to be a lucrative enterprise. Sweet stated that he was happy to give a fight of the night bonus and promised every card would see a fight of the night bonus. He went on to state that all fighters had been officially signed, the next two cards were set, the fighters were in training, and soon the official announcements would be released.

Opening Fight: 10 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division- Boxcar Gatto vs Roy Leopard

Undercard: 10 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division- Humberto Buendia vs "Angel de la Muerte" Manuel Angel

Co-Feature: 12 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division, BBO JW Title Tournament Semi-Final- Diego De La Cruz vs Marcos Marquez

Main Event: 12 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division, BBO JW Title Tournament Semi-Final- Boxer Toyota vs Lefty Finnegan

Opening Fight: 10 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division- Bilal Singh vs Ahmed Hasseen

Undercard: 10 Rounds in the Heavyweight Division- Davis Loa vs M. Bison

Co-Feature: 10 Rounds in the Light-Heavyweight Division- "Suntanned Superman" Deon Brown vs Jos. Louis

Main Event: 12 Rounds in the Juniorweight Division- Jose Valiente vs Valeri Semenov