The Senatorial Archives: Information and Old Stuff

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OLD RANKINGS


The Senatorial Office will update its top ten rankings on the first of the month as time goes forth. For now, however, I will post a belated October ranking. The rankings are based off both Office and external competition. Head to head matches will have a direct impact, but as the Office is partly focused on getting its members booked elsewhere, high profile matches in other organizations will also carry an amount of weight in the considerations. Wins and losses matter, but keeping a high profile is weighted even higher. Tag teams will be considered as a single entry if they are primary competing as a team, but split if considered separately.


1. Cowboy Johnston
The Cowboy has become the face of the Office through his constant bookings outside the organization, and putting on top notch matches on card after card. While taking several brutal losses in the JJB Ironman, he also had a signature win over the nearly unbeatable Hangman. Cowboy Johnston is slated to be in the main event for the foreseeable future.
2. Senator Steve Phillips
The Chairman of the Office has proven himself within the organization with his brutally one sided destruction of Gary Gear and has put on several high profile matches outside the Office. Although the natural headliner of the organization, Phillips has not been as active in entering outside events as Johnston.
3. Gary Gear
Gear has earned a fearful reputation around the FPWA satellites, winning a major tournament in the Soakoliseum to challenge unsuccessfully for its title. Gear would likely be ranked second, were it not for his loss to the Senator.
4. Mina Fitsharris
Mina Fitsharris is close to reaching the main event level, having garnered a reputation for putting on the longest, bloodiest match of the night in multiple settings, and more often than not, winning said matches, which is more than can be said for most Office members. Her match with Tomas at Lariats and Legislators #1 was the stuff of legend, as was her match with Skully of Typhoon Pro on an independent booking.
5. Supernaut
Maybe the singularly most popular member of the Office, the founder of the Neon Knights is never hurting for a booking, and with Holy Diver, defeated the Capitalists at the first Senatorial Office event.
6. Masa Tokugawa
It has a been a rough month or so for Tokugawa, who has lost match after match, failing to win his qualifier for the ZIP Japan Super Z Cup, and losing to Nicholas Alger at Lariats and Legislators #1, but maintains his profile in multiple organizations, and promises to continue to do so.
7. Tomas the Tiny Giant
If this was a tough month for Tokugawa, it was downright abysmal for Tomas. Losing in match after match, being booked in the Wave of the Future for a Gimmick Battle Royale which he also lost, one could feel pity for the Tiny Giant, were it also not for the fact that he made it to the end of said Royale, and even in defeat, has been one of the most demanded members of the Office.
8. Dangerous Nicholas Alger
A big win over protege Masa Tokugawa and some wins around the FPWA have kept the veteran shoot style fighter on the rankings.
9. Holy Diver
The other half of the Neon Knights has not been as active as Supernaut, but still gains regular bookings and holds joint custody on the win over the Capitalists.
10. Vice Versa
Although not quite as active as some other Office members, Vice Versa does hold membership in the Transgender Wrestling Alliance and has put on solid matches around the FPWA.

The Senatorial Office has expanded its Top Ten Rankings to become a Top Fifteen to account for the increase in roster depth. Rankings will be tabulated based off official Office events, FPWA events, and general notoriety and demand.


1. Cowboy Johnston [Last Month: 1]
After dispatching Gary Gear at Lariats & Legislators #2 without so much as breaking a sweat, as well as finding success across the FPWA, Cowboy Johnston has earned the right to keep his top spot in the rankings. He remains one of the most well liked and booked members of the roster.
2. Tomas the Tiny Giant [Last Month: 7]
A meteoric rise for the former joke of the roster. Tomas's sudden reversal of fortune started with his recruitment of old allies, the Bingo Hall Mutants, and defeating arch rival Mina Fitsharris and the Capitalists. From there, Tomas won the JJB Tournament of Death, running through illustrious opponents including the ever-tough Raven Brigid, and has won multiple FPWA matches in the duration.
3. Senator Steve Phillips [Last Month: 2]
Steve Phillips remains one of his Office's top competitors, and a formidable foe against any opponent. He defeated the Everyman in a stupendous matchup at Lariats and Legislators #2, and continues to find sporadic booking across the FPWA.
4. Mina Fitsharris [Last Month: 4]
Another month, another fourth place ranking. Mina remains a top tier competitor in the Office, and a valid representative outside of the organization. Although her team lost to that of Tomas, she did not drop the fall, which may have helped preserve her spot. Mina has remained extremely competitive against a plethora of opponents, and it is rare that any of her matches run under twenty minutes.
5. The Everyman [Last Month: N/A]
The Working Class Hero made a spectacular debut at Lariats and Legislators #2, taking Steve Phillips to the limit. He has since gained the notice of other bookers, and has continued his reputation as a tough as nails, no frills brawler who always takes the fight to his opponent.
6. Thiago Gracie [Last Month: N/A]
The Grandmaster of the Armbar predictably demolished Stanford Bradley in his Office debut, and has found himself in demand elsewhere. Thiago's single minded determination to return home with his opponent's arm after each match has served him well thus far.
7. Supernaut [Last Month: 5]
The silent luchador was part of a winning effort in the opening match from the last event, and is still a popular wrestler around the FPWA.
8. Holy Diver [Last Month: 9]
Along with Supernaut, the other half of the Neon Knights has not been unnoticed. Diver has won a few surprise victories outside the Office, and assisted in his team's last victory within it.
9. Dangerous Nicholas Alger [Last Month: 8]
Alger has lived up to his name on Kristofferson's Monday Night Wrestling events, knocking foes out with his Dangerous Kick, and competing in a title match. Alas, he could not achieve a title win, and was knocked out in the process, and did not feature in the last Office event, thus, the slight slip in the rankings.
10. Vice Versa [Last Month: 10]
Vice Versa earned the pinfall in an eight person tag at the last event, and has no problem finding bookings. She remains static in the rankings, but has shown tremendous promise.
11. Gary Gear [Last Month: 3]
What a difference a few weeks can make. The Muscle Monster found himself annihilated by Cowboy Johnston, lost multiple matches outside the Office and has not had a good run of it as of late. Time will tell if he can pick himself up and regain his feared status.
12. Skullface Killah [Last Month: N/A]
The big man of the Bingo Hall Mutants has cast a massive shadow over the Senatorial Office since his debut, helping Tomas in his victory as he obliterated the Capitalists and Mina Fitsharris, and winning a number of improbably short matches across the FPWA. If this keeps up, Skullface will be in the elite echelons before long.
13. "Textbook" Tim Dwight [Last Month: N/A]
The resident head trainer of the Office can still go in the ring, and proved it by out wrestling his opponents and anchoring his four person team in his Office in-ring debut.
14. Rampage Rage [Last Month: N/A]
The other half of the Mutants was strong in victory, but not as instrumental as either Tomas or Skullface.
15. Masa Tokugawa [Last Month: 6]
A long drop for the Apocalyptic Warrior, as he repeatedly failed to get the job done, in the Office, or outside of it. Masa has still maintained a high profile, and has been angling to make an impact elsewhere, so he holds strong onto the last spot in the rankings.

Just outside the top fifteen:
Hailey Comet, Jean-Pierre Mutombo, Adonis Avery Alexander, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi


Far outside the top fifteen:
Stanford Bradley

The rankings are up for December! January rankings will come up mid-month, after Lariats & Legislators #3.

Senatorial Office Rankings for December '17

1. Cowboy Johnston [Last Month: 1]
The Cowboy continues at the top, still popular and still dominant, but the eventual match between him and Tomas could very well bump him down a slot
2. Tomas the Tiny Giant [Last Month: 2]
Tomas continues to prove himself to the FPWA and the Office as a deceptively dangerous foe. He has won multiple titles on Monday Night Wrestling and destroyed quality opponents in outside competition. The only thing standing between him and the top spot of the Office is Cowboy Johnston.
3. Senator Steve Phillips [Last Month: 3]
The Senator still clings to his place in the ranks, keeping the top three calcified for another month, but a loss to Valerie May and his relative inactivity could change this in January.
4. Masa Tokugawa [Last Month: 15]
A tremendous performance in the Super Junior tournament bumped Masa back up into the elite category, and his drastic improvement since the last ranking could keep him up here for some time.
5. Crusher Honda [Last Month: N/A]
This is the most controversial entry on the rankings, no doubt. Honda has not yet competed in official Office action, but between her tryouts for the organization, immediate presence in the FPWA and destructive aura, the Murder Train has earned a spot in the top five.
6. Mina Fitsharris [Last Month: 4]
The wild brawler did not have the best of times over the last month, losing some outside matches, but a solid win over the Bath Salts Zombie and some decent showings kept her on the list.
7. The Everyman [Last Month: 5]
The Working Class Hero has become popular around the FPWA for his no-nonsense style of straight ahead brawling, and has picked up a number of victories as a result. He only dropped a few spots due to the quality of the competition.
8. Supernaut [Last Month: 7]
The Neon Knights have been consistent, and while they slipped a bit, they still remain the top team in the Office, by a large margin
9. Holy Diver [Last Month: 8]
Same as Supernaut, dropping a spot, but remaining strong, Holy Diver's had a solid month, winning a few impressive matches outside the Office and keeping the Neon Knights strong
10. Thiago Gracie [Last Month: 6]
Thiago moved down the ranks, partly due to a high profile loss in the FPWA World Cup, and partly due to a lack of matches in the Office. Expect him to bounce back the next time around.
11. Hailey Comet [Last Month: N/A]
The Southern Shooting Star is exceedingly popular in the FPWA, even if her win/loss column is less than impressive. She's still capable of picking up a solid win from time to time.
12. Skullface Killah [Last Month: 12]
The big(er) man of the Bingo Hall Mutants keeps his spot for his tough matches and ruthless destruction of the opposition
13. Rampage Rage [Last Month: 14]
The workhorse of the Bingo Hall Mutants, Rampage has done well to move himself up the rankings a spot alongside the Killah
14. "Textbook" Tim Dwight [Last Month: 13]
The trainer of the Office lost a spot, but still impressed with his one sided squashing of Adonis Avery Alexander
15. Jean-Pierre Mutombo [Last Month: N/A]
JPM has rocketed up on Monday Night Wrestling following an incredible debut, while losing, he carried a team in what was essentially a one on two bout following his partner's injury. The African Supersensation's undeniable charisma will likely carry him up these rankings, quickly.

Bumped Off
Dangerous Nicholas Alger [Last Month: 9]
Vice Versa [Last Month: 10]
Gary Gear [Last Month: 11]
Alger has been injured following a match on Monday Night Wrestling and did not compete in the duration, Vice Versa would have made the sixteenth spot if there was one and Gear has crashed and burned badly over the last month.

Close Calls
Valerie May, Adonis Avery Alexander, G.P. Christopher, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi, Rumika Hashi, Francine Francis, Jimmy Jack Walker, Bath Salts Zombie
Tough, tough calls here. May has looked very impressive, but has not yet debuted, Adonis blew Hailey Comet away in a house show match, Christopher and Mehrmohammdi are putting on a MOTY series, Hashi looks promising, Francis has been tough, Walker is a phenomenon and the Zombie is a wild card. Expect a few of these to work their way up onto the fifteen before long.

Not Ever Happening
Stanford Bradley
'Nuff said.

Senatorial Office Rankings for February '18
(Do note that at this point in time, tag competitors are now ranked in their own top five bracket. If a tag wrestler makes a name for himself or herself in singles competition, they will be considered for the main rankings.)

1. Cowboy Johnston [Last Month: 1]
After defeating Tomas at Lariats & Legislators #3, Johnston cemented his spot on top for the time being. He has lived up to his reputation time and time again, proudly representing the Office elsewhere and remaining strong within.
2. Crusher Honda [Last Month: 5]
Honda has been nothing short of a total wrecking machine, destroying opponents across the FPWA. She won multiple titles at the Soakoliseum and has been so devastating that she has reportedly been banned from some organizations. Honda only has the Cowboy ahead of her, and if she gets her match, the sky could be the limit.
3. Tomas the Tiny Giant [Last Month: 2]
Tomas slipped a spot due to his loss at L&L #3 to Cowboy Johnston, but his continued dominance on Monday Night Wrestling and strong presence in the FPWA keeps him in the top three.
4. Senator Steve Phillips [Last Month: 3]
The Senator may have slipped down another spot, but his excruciatingly dominant performance against Valerie May at L&L #3 was enough to justify his high rating. Phillips is still a top foe for any Office competitor to challenge.
5. Jean-Pierre Mutombo [Last Month: 15]
A ten point jump for the African Supersensation, JPM has managed some high profile wins on MNW and took care of business in a match of the year contender against Masa Tokugawa. Mutombo's only real issue is getting a match with one of the top four now.
6. Mina Fitsharris [Last Month: 6]
The toughwoman of the Office is static in her ranking this time around, doing war with the PEWA on multiple occasions and winning a match on the independents against Typhoon's Skully that went over two hours.
7. The Everyman [Last Month: 7]
The Everyman keeps a competitive spot on the rankings thanks to an outstanding win against Thiago Gracie at the last Office Party. His no-nonsense demeanor might lead people to underrate him, but nobody can deny the Everyman's elite toughness.
8. Thiago Gracie [Last Month: 10]
Gracie has had some ups and downs, beating Crusher Honda in the Soakoliseum, dominating a big tag match alongside fellow shooters but also losing to Honda and to Everyman in their aforementioned match. Gracie is certainly one of the upper tier members of the Office, however.
9. Masa Tokugawa [Last Month: 4]
More due to inactivity than any embarrassing loss, Tokugawa did take part in a tag team match at L&L #3, but has dropped a number of spots due to others outflanking him in activity.
10. Hailey Comet [Last Month: 11]
Hailey is proving that the long, slow road is still a successful one to follow, her persistent bookings outside the Office and a match winning pin in the Crew Carnage match at PEWA - Bingo Politics both helped her continue her slow climb.
11. Dangerous Nicholas Alger [Last Month: N/A]
A strong return to form for the Dangerous One in his MNW run, salvaging his career on Monday with a much needed set of wins, as well as taking part in the Shooters vs Blue Collar six man tag match on the victorious side.
12. Francine Francis [Last Month: N/A]
A strong debut victory against Jimmy Jack Walker, a high quality loss to Mina Fitsharris and frequent competition on the independents put the Flatfoot on the board.
13. Valerie May [Last Month: N/A]
Although she lost to Senator Phillips in a dismal performance at L&L #3, May came back from injury and won a good match against the insufferable Adonis Avery Alexander, to the thanks of the fans and fellow wrestlers.
14. Jimmy Jack Walker [Last Month: N/A]
The Drunken Master of Redneck-Fu has not put up a winning streak, but has managed to capture a following around the FPWA since his debut in the Office.
15. Felix Santana Jr. [Last Month: N/A]
Felix Jr. has only recently made his debut, and has wrestled two unscheduled bonus matches to date. His astounding workrate and sensible tactics have given him a quickly growing following outside his native Dominican Republic.

Bumped Off
Supernaut [Last Month: 8]
Holy Diver [Last Month: 9]
Skullface Killah [Last Month: 12]
Rampage Rage [Last Month: 13]
"Textbook" Tim Dwight [Last Month: 14]
With all the primary tag wrestlers cleared from the rankings, the Neon Knights and Bingo Hall Mutants are out. The head Office trainer, Tim Dwight also drops off, having impressively held a spot for several issues of the ratings up until now.

Close Calls:
G.P. Christopher, El Froggy Mask, Hobo Harry, Ong Daengsri, Bath Salts Zombie, Lenny Broadway, Yamikuro, Adonis Avery Alexander, Ruthless Nicole Alger, Luke Powers
Some difficult decisions kept some of these hopefuls off the top fifteen. Christopher almost made it in spite of also being on the tag rankings, Lenny Broadway has been solid with a huge win over Dangerous Nicholas Alger, Daengsri and Nicole Alger have been constants in the undercard, Bath Salts Zombie and Alexander both showed enough to make a case for a low spot. Hobo Harry and El Froggy Mask have a strong chance to make it in next time around if they stay busy.

Not Ever Happening
Stanford Bradley
'Nuff said.

Tag Team Rankings:
1. Neon Knights [Supernaut and Holy Diver]
The top team of the Office, and the current PEWA Extreme Tag champs, these two are as good as they are popular. Two decisive head to head wins over the Mutants give them a great deal of added credibility.
2. Bingo Hall Mutants [Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah]
Feared around the FPWA, tough as nails, but not quite good enough to get the top spot, the Mutants still are a dangerous team for anyone to face.
3. The Goodfellas [Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod]
The Made Men might be well seasoned, but they're still a smoothly operating machine in the ring. The Wire and the Rod aren't likely to climb above this spot, but remain perfect gatekeepers for the teams below them.
4. Strong Style Royalty [G.P. Christopher and Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammadi]
A team forged in the heat of rivalry, Christopher and Mehrmohammdi are consummate performers, if a bit lacking in the win department. They might not always win, but they always give everything they have in the ring.
5. The Capitalists [Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris]
The Senator's sidekicks aren't setting the FPWA on fire, but their experience can't be denied. The Capitalists do have a win over an Old Guard team on their recent records, and have worked hard to refine their game.


Senatorial Office Rankings for March ‘18

1. Cowboy Johnston [Last Month: 1]
Waiting for his match with Crusher Honda at Lariats & Legislators #4, Johnston has been active in speaking out against Josh Belmonte’s FPWA disruptions, but has mostly bided his time in waiting for what could be a career defining match.
2. Crusher Honda [Last Month: 2]
Honda is in a holding pattern, but still manages to wreck opponents across the FPWA. She is currently the most feared member of the Senatorial Office, no questions asked.
3. Tomas the Tiny Giant [Last Month: 3]
Tomas is still the Triple Crown champion on Monday Night Wrestling, and has shown some success in tag tournament action alongside Josh Belmonte. Tomas is also due for a shot at the PEWA Extreme title against Luke Powers.
4. Felix Santana Jr. [Last Month: 15]
A major leap for Felix Jr, earned by winning the tournament to crown the inaugural Internet Championship and holding onto his Dominican Golden Championship. Felix Jr. is also in high demand around the FPWA and known for putting on excellent matches on a regular basis.
5. Masa Tokugawa [Last Month: 9]
Masa jumps up a few spots upon his vicious KO win over El Froggy Mask, brilliant Match of the Year contender with Crusher Honda and some solid FPWA showings. His Apocalypse Knee is one of the most feared finishers in the Office.
6. Jean-Pierre Mutombo [Last Month: 5]
Down one spot, but still highly competitive, Mutombo has shown major success on Monday Night Wrestling, either solo, or part of the Charisma Kings with Timothy James. He could end up challenging fellow Office member Tomas for the Grand Championship.
7. Luke Powers [Last Month: N/A]
PEWA Extreme champion and one of the stronger members of the Office roster, Luke Powers has lived up to his reputation through competitive matches and some dominant wins.
8. Mina Fitsharris [Last Month: 6]
A relative lack of active competition dropped Mina down a few spots, but with an upcoming match against Juliette Erving at L&L #4, she looks to hold onto her position.
9. Jimmy Jack Walker [Last Month: 14]
Walker has been around the FPWA, demonstrating the Drunken Style of Redneck-Fu wherever anyone will give him a match(and a beer). He may not always win, but he’ll always give someone a fight, and provide some entertainment to the fans.
10. Dangerous Nicholas Alger [Last Month: 11]
Between a solid set of showings on MNW and working towards putting Universal Combat Shoot Style together, Alger slowly climbs back up the rankings.
11. G.P. Christopher [N/A]
A solid win over Felix Santana III and constant competition keep the hardest worker in the Office on the top fifteen. GPC is consistent if nothing else.
12. Felix Santana III [Last Month: N/A]
Brash and skilled, the fourth generation star of Santana Family Wrestling has been busy in finding bookings and holds a strong victory over Felix Santana Sr. in his record book. He’s also looking to take the Dominican Golden Championship off the hands of Felix Jr. at L&L#4.
13. Margarita Morales [Last Month: N/A]
A solid win over Opaque at Day After Independence and frequent FPWA bookings give the Sultry Assassin her first place on the rankings. Her tricky style can take many opponents off their guard.
14. Vice Versa [Last Month: N/A]
An improbable, impossible win over Typhoon Pro's MAXIMA places Versa in this spot. Some might say the air was wrong for the top Typhoon star, but Versa pulled off the biggest win of her career in that match, and must be recognized for it.
15. El Froggy Mask [Last Month: N/A]
The Notorious EFM has been a popular member of the Office roster since his debut, and while his win/loss record has been average, he has put on excellent matches, gaining fans in victory and defeat.

Bumped Off
Senator Steve Phillips [Last Month: 4]
The Everyman [Last Month: 7]
Thiago Gracie [Last Month: 8]
Hailey Comet [Last Month: 10]
Francine Francis [Last Month: 12]
Valerie May [Last Month: 13]
The rankings are shifting quickly as the Office adds new affiliates, and as such, the shocking disposal of Senator Steve Phillips from the top fifteen takes place. Solid roster members in Everyman, Gracie, Comet, Francis and May were close calls. Everyman seems to be moving towards tag competition, while Comet was likely the toughest omission of the entire group.

Close Calls
Poison Froggy Mask, Felix Santana Senior, Adonis Avery Alexander, Ong Daengsri, Ruthless Nicole Alger, Juliette Erving, Ibrahim Rahman, Yamikuro, Rumika Hashi, Mr. Moonsault
A lot of members who could have made it in other times, but just didn’t show enough this time around. Erving was probably the hardest omission of these, and Rahman and Moonsault are likely to have a solid chance in the future.

Not Ever Happening
Stanford Bradley
'Nuff said.

Tag Team Rankings
1. Neon Knights [Supernaut and Holy Diver] [Last Month: 1]
The Knights are far and away the best team in the Office orbit, delighting fans as well as winning matches. Holding the PEWA Extreme Tag Titles and competing in FPWA tag action keeps them on top.
2. Bingo Hall Mutants [Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah] [Last Month: 2]
Again in second, the Mutants are still popular, still solid, still feared. Their Bingo Hall Butchers team with Jack Slash in BDW has seen some significant success.
3. The Capitalists [Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris] [Last Month: 5]
Amazingly, the Capitalists rise up in the rankings, with a phenomenal win over Green Crush at ZIP Japan and wins in the Office. Maybe the veteran team might be able to climb the ladder after all…
4. Blue Collar Brawlers [The Everyman and Lenny Broadway] [Last Month: N/A]
The Brawlers pulled off an upset over the Goodfellas, albeit, in a rather bizarre way, and have been looking solid as of late.
5. The Goodfellas [Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod] [Last Month: 3]
The Goodfellas have had a rough go of it in their last match, but have otherwise been consistently competitive with any opposition.

Bumped Off
Strong Style Royalty [G.P. Christopher and Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi] [Last Month: 4]
A shame for the solid team, but they just can't seem to rack up wins.

Close Calls
The Blue Notes
Rudo Army [El Hijo de Macchiato and Poison Froggy Mask]
Two teams that simply need to show up a bit more to get a chance, although solid money's on the Notes to make some waves.



Senatorial Office Rankings for May ‘18

1. Cowboy Johnston [Last Month: 1]
A career defining, beat the odds victory over Crusher Honda and her management team solidified the #1 spot for the Western Ace. Johnston has also racked up some impressive performances outside the Office since the last rankings and is the clear-cut face of the organization with little looking to slow him down.
2. Tomas the Tiny Giant [Last Month: 3]
A controversial pick to some degree, but few can doubt the dominance of Tomas. Defeating Luke Powers for the PEWA Extreme title, maintaining a long streak of wins and title defenses on Monday Night Wrestling and joining the Harbingers of Death have all served to keep Tomas in the forefront, no matter what some might think of his antics
3. Felix Santana Jr. [Last Month: 4]
Another month rising up for Felix Jr. The holder of the Dominican Golden Championship won FPWA gold with the FPWA Internet Title, and defended it for a short time before losing it. His title match against his son, Felix III was utterly dominant and decisive and his bookings around the FPWA simply continue to grow.
4. Crusher Honda [Last Month: 2]
Honda may have fallen a few places and failed in her attempt at taking the top ranked spot. She remains the most feared member of the Office roster. Time will tell whether she mounts another attack on the rankings, or turns her attention outside of the Office.
5: Juliette Erving [Last Month: N/A]
An incredible climb for the previously unranked Erving, who, following a one sided loss to Dr. Crystal at Office Party #8, managed to re-focus, gain a wide distribution of FPWA bookings, culminating in a massive victory over arch-rival Mina Fitsharris at Lariats and Legislators #4. The sky seems to be the limit for Erving at this point.
6: Ibrahim Rahman [Last Month: N/A]
The Desert Mirage lived up to his potential at Lariats 4, defeating the ever-tough Masa Tokugawa in a fast paced sprint of a match. His unorthodox technical style has gained him some attention around the FPWA, and may well climb above this placing in the future.
7: Thiago Gracie [Last Month: N/A]
Gracie fell off the last posting of the rankings, but returns with a vengeance, having won the first Universal Combat Shoot Style Openweight Title in a thrilling contest with Dangerous Nicholas Alger. The Armbar Grandmaster looks to take on all challengers with his newly won title.
8. Jean-Pierre Mutombo [Last Month: 6]
Despite sustaining an injury that has sidelined him in recent weeks in favor of a continent wide procurement tour for the upcoming Pan African Wrestling, JPM remains a top name in the Office, and most importantly, the MNW Grand Champion, having defeated fellow Office member Tomas for the honor.
9. G.P. Christopher [Last Month: 11]
The Philly Strong Style ambassador continues to impress crowds, not just with his scintillating performances, but with some solid victories around the FPWA, perhaps none more impressive than his amazing match and win over C.J. Fresh at Lariats 4.
10. Mina Fitsharris [Last Month: 8]
A crushing loss to Juliette Erving sent Mina down again in the rankings, but her FPWA presence has been both consistent and impressive, continuing to rack up wins against tough foes.
11. Dangerous Nicholas Alger [Last Month: 10]
Despite losing a hard fought match with Thiago Gracie, DNA has been a fearsome foe for many of those unfortunate to face the shoot style pioneer on MNW, with his crushing kicks and well-rounded submission game giving him a dual edge.
12. Felice Santana [Last Month: N/A]
The high flying, sensational young lioness from SFW has made an undeniable mark on the FPWA, winning impressively on Phoenix Rising’s Proving Ground brand, and looking just about as impressive in defeat. It would not be too much an exaggeration to say that the (Santana) Sky’s the limit for her.
13. Gang Wong [Last Month: N/A]
The Shaolin Superstar quickly became a popular member of the UCSS and Office rosters, with a strong showing in a closed door tournament and defeating Wonderland Dojo’s Sanjiro Katagi in a quality debut outing.
14. Adonis Avery Alexander [Last Month: N/A]
The All Natural Adonis found a career revival in his transfer loan to the Proving Ground brand, gaining a surprising victory over Mallory Spaulding and generally irritating everyone he encountered.
15. El Froggy Mask [Last Month: 15]
Supremely popular, the swamp dwelling luchador with the super leap managed to stay on the top fifteen, not through his somewhat disappointing Office showings, but through winning the Pro Wrestling Revival Internet Title and remaining active through the FPWA.

Bumped Off
Masa Tokugawa [Last Month: 5]
Luke Powers [Last Month: 7]
Jimmy Jack Walker [Last Month: 9]
Felix Santana III [Last Month: 12]
Margarita Morales [Last Month: 13]
Vice Versa [Last Month: 14]
A stunning list of popular competitors that could easily populate a solid card on their own. This simply proves that as the Office grows, it is going to take that much more to gain and hold a spot on the top fifteen.

Close Calls
Bodybreaker Brown, Downtown Lucy Brown, X-Treme Kid, Mr. Moonsault, D-Man Daunte Thomas, Freight Train McMichaelson, Bath Salts Zombie, Canadian Grizzly, Diego Santana, Eiji Sato, Big Robert Montgomery, Marcos Angulo, Josie Jett, King Bemba, Esi Dogboe, Poison Froggy Mask, Humberto Ortega, Ruthless Nicole Alger
The upcoming Wacker Drive Revival show might get a few of its members on the rankings, but to take one look at this list is to see the depth of the Office’s talent, a list that is only expanding. Closest call: Bodybreaker Brown, who had a tremendous showing in the last few months, and only remains here due to a lack of outside presence.

Not Ever Happening
Stanford Bradley
'Nuff said.

Tag Team Rankings
1. Neon Knights [Supernaut and Holy Diver] [Last Month: 1]
The Knights are the undisputed top team in the Office at this point, with their unique teamwork giving them a chance against much larger, more powerful foes. They remain active in the FPWA, having gained wins in the FPWA Tag League, and defeated a dream team of Jimmy Jack Walker and ZIP Japan’s White Trash at Lariats 4.
2. The Capitalists [Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris] [Last Month: 5]
Amazingly, the two administrative assistants of the Office have been climbing the tag ranks, finding a career renaissance, with solid performances and a signature win over the team of Gang Wong and El Froggy Mask at Lariats 4.
3. The Blue Notes [Last Month: N/A]
The owner of Wacker Drive Revival and his Japanese compatriot have looked nothing but impressive since WDR joined the Office, defeating the fearsome Bingo Hall Mutants and putting Skullface Killah on the shelf for over a month in the process, and also gaining a win over Strong Style Royalty.
4. The Internationale [Joseph Harpo and Humberto Ortega][Last Month: N/A]
The Marxist and the Revolutionary have teamed for years on the independents but have managed to take their brand of wrestling to the Office and WDR in convincing fashion, beating their old rivals, the Capitalists as they did so.
5. The Muscle Machines [Adonis Avery Alexander and Gary Gear][Last Month: N/A]
The bodybuilding duo realized their singles careers were going nowhere in the Office, and instead started tagging on Proving Ground. This has been a solid decision to this point, with Adonis’s underrated resiliency and Gear’s enormous power coming together to make the two a force to be reckoned with.

Bumped Off
The Bingo Hall Mutants [Last Month: 2]
Blue Collar Brawlers [Last Month: 4]
The Goodfellas [Last Month: 5]
An injury to Skullface Killah sidelined the Mutants, but they should return with force now that he’s recovered, the Brawlers and the Goodfellas simply haven’t been as active as the teams who have been ranked.

Close Calls
The D-Train [Freight Train McMichaelson and D-Man Daunte Thomas]
Rudo Army [Poison Froggy Mask and Canadian Grizzly]
No Blood, No Fun [Bodybreaker Brown and X-Treme Kid]
Strong Style Royalty [G.P. Christopher and Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi]
The advent of Wacker Drive Revival has added more teams for the rankings, and the D-Train looks to be the closest of these to make it on another installment.

Promo from Tomas, post JJB Tournament of Death, spoilered for those who haven't yet seen the results.




WWDD Report: Senator Phillips announces first matches for Lariats and Legislators #3, New signings, potential changes in the future of the Office

-Senator Steve Phillips made a press statement regarding a number of items regarding the Senatorial Office, here's the highlights:

-"I wish to announce the upcoming third Lariats and Legislators event, which is tentatively scheduled for mid to late November at this point."

-"I have three official matches to announce for the event. First, Jean-Pierre Mutombo will take on Holy Diver in a contest that should deliver some fast paced action and showcase the African Supersensation's infectious charisma. Second, I will be welcoming the debuting "Granite Goddess" Valerie May to her first match for the Office. And third, for the main event, Tomas the Tiny Giant has earned an opportunity to take on Cowboy Johnston to determine the top wrestler in the Senatorial Office. Whoever wins this match will be guaranteed the top spot in the Office's top fifteen rankings."

-"We have been busy making new signings since our last event. The Nigerian Prince, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi is a long time veteran in the ring, a man who trained with Thiago Gracie and had demonstrated a tremendous work ethic in his improvement from when I last encountered him. Back then, he was primarily a manager with sub-par ring skills, but now, I can promise you will find that he can go toe to toe with anyone he faces off against. Next, "Long Haul" Lenny Broadway is a well traveled, hard working powerhouse who has crossed the highways of this fine nation as a semi-truck driver, and as a wrestler. Finally, we have the "Granite Goddess" Valerie May, and I am extremely excited to announce her impending debut, for it shall be against yours truly. Valerie May brings more international flair by way of England, and this woman is an A-level athlete, a qualified accountant, a fellow martial artist, a champion bodybuilder and a woman who has found success in just about everything she's attempted. I think you'll be more than pleased with what she brings to the table."

-"Nobody has been more disappointed than I, for our lack of ability to broadcast our programming. Going forward, I am looking less into live broadcasting, and more into a video on demand system. This way, we are not under pressure to deliver the show at a precise time, and can do what it takes to bring the Senatorial Office to the fans, as it should be."

At this point, the broadcast was interrupted...



The Senatorial Office would like to announce another match for Lariats and Legislators #3:

Six Man Tag, First Fall Wins
The Blue Collar Brawlers, The Everyman and "Long Haul" Lenny Broadway will team with Office head trainer "Textbook" Tim Dwight to take on the team of Thiago Gracie, Dangerous Nicholas Alger and "Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa

---

The signings continue as the Drunken Master of Redneck-Fu, Jimmy Jack Walker has been the latest wrestler to join the Senatorial Office. Walker will bring his unique inebriated style to the ring, and bars and beverage depots around the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center have been anticipating his debut.

---

This scene was caught on camera at the Beltway during a weekly training session:

As the scene opens, Duke Cogburn and Mr. Nobunaga are seen berating the always-irritating Stanford Bradley right outside the hallway going to the locker rooms.

Duke Cogburn in particular was letting Bradley have it with both barrels. "You're nothing but a waste of my time, you hear that! You're wasting my time! And I ain't standing around while a lazy son of a bitch like you wants to half-ass your way through the drills!

Mr. Nobunaga chimed in: "You're big fool! Big fool! You don't hit ropes fast enough, complain all day long like little child! You want wrestle? Then do the work!

Of course, Stanford Bradley can't go thirty seconds without opening his mouth. "Blah, blah, blah, I'm getting real tired of hearing Big Western Lunkhead and Mr. Miyagi tell me I'm not doing what you want! Go take your old outdated ideas back to the nursing home you escaped from, then maybe you can get out of my way and let me show the wrestling world why Stanford Bradley is the first and the last name in quality wrestling."

The veins bulged in Cogburn's neck. "You little pipsqueak, you're far too short on ears and way too long on mouth for your own good. Think I'm too old to teach you a lesson? Take your best shot."

At this point, The Bingo Hall Mutants, Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah along with fellow Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance member G.P. Christopher walked past, carrying on a conversation.

"So kid, told you you just needed to check this place out." Rampage said.

"They'll sign you. Just sign up." Added Skullface.

Stanford looked over and stepped in front of the Bingos. "You hear these old guys? They say we can't fight!"

Skullface looked at him incredulously. "Step aside, pissant."

"No, really! They wanted a piece of you! They said they were sick of garbage wrestlers who couldn't wrestle!"

Rampage wasn't buying it. "They probably said you're garbage at wrestling. You suck, Stanford."

"Hey Dukie, Nobhead, you want a fight, we got three big bad boys over here, and that Christopher kid, too! We'll ruin your day, old bones! Time to put on your extra strength Depends and take your Metamucil!"

Duke Cogburn walked right up to Stanford, looking him eye to eye. "All you had to do is ask. Bring your friends over there. We'll bring ours."

Skullface seemed dismayed, looking down with confusion. "We gotta team with Stanford? Aww damn."

---

As a result of the scene detailed above, the Senatorial Office has confirmed that this match will be added to the card:

Elimination Eight Person Tag Match, No Interference Rules
Stanford Bradley, the Bingo Hall Mutants (Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah) and G.P. Christopher vs.
Duke Cogburn, Mr. Nobunaga and two partners to be determined later



Previews and news for Lariats & Legislators #3:

Arrested for DWW? (Drunk While Wrestling)
Jimmy Jack Walker vs. Francine Francis
-The opening match should promise some quality entertainment between two of the Office's most promising newcomers. The Flatfoot, Francine Francis is a former cop who trained with Team Dangerous with Dangerous Nicholas Alger, and brings a focused, relentless grappling approach to her style, preferring to ground the opponent and tap them out with her choke finisher, the Lockdown. Jimmy Jack Walker, on the other hand may very well be her polar opposite. A striker with some high flying tendencies, the Drunken Master of Redneck-Fu is as unpredictable as he is unfocused, often spending time cartwheeling around the ring, lighting his alcohol-rich breath or striking crane poses instead of finishing matches.
We think: Walker wins, but gets stretched out in the process

Electronic Metal Party
Holy Diver vs. Jean-Pierre Mutombo
-Two of the Office's higher profile midcarders, Holy Diver may be best known for his tag team with Supernaut, but can hold his own on the mat, while the African Supersensation is seen by many to be the most promising prospect on the roster, combining his own innovative brawling style with undeniable charisma. For Diver, this match could potentially demonstrate his singles potential, while JPM looks to live up to his own expectations.
We think: Mutombo wins, and imposes his game

Eight Person Elimination Tag Team Match
Duke Cogburn, Mr. Nobunaga and two mystery partners vs. the Bingo Hall Mutants, Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah with G.P. Christopher and Stanford Bradley
-After an altercation at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center, Duke Cogburn challenged the ever-obnoxious Stanford Bradley and the Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance contingent to a match. This match will be held under elimination rules, with interference banned outside of tags. The Old Guard team of Cogburn and Nobunaga are tough for their age, but have trouble keeping up in singles competition. We're still waiting to see who they pick to team with. Stanford Bradley has a deceptive bag of tricks, but his general cowardice means that the PEWA wrestlers will do the heavy lifting. Skullface Killah is on the verge of breaking out into the upper echelon of the ranks, Rampage Rage is always tough, and the debuting G.P. Christopher has a diverse skillset to make up for his relative lack of size.
We think: Team Bradley wins, thanks to the Mutants and Christopher

Six Person Tag Showcase
The Blue Collar Brawlers, "Long Haul" Lenny Broadway and The Everyman with "Textbook" Tim Dwight vs. Thiago Gracie, Dangerous Nicholas Alger and "Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa
-This match has a vague theme of shooters vs. old school stylists, with the Blue Collar Brawlers and Tim Dwight representing past styles of wrestling, while Gracie, Alger and Tokugawa all have considerable experience in varied martial arts and MMA. This match will be for one fall, and like any Office undercard multi-person tag match, no interference will be allowed outside of the tag period. Lenny Broadway makes his debut here, and his raw power should make his opponents take notice.
We think: Thiago Gracie armbars someone

United States vs. United Kingdom
Senator Steve Phillips vs. "Granite Goddess" Valerie May
-Senator Phillips has pitted himself against up and coming Office talent in the previous two L&L events, and this time, he takes on the UK import, Valerie May. May, a bodybuilder and high level athlete has shown a wide range of competencies, able to powerbomb opponents and take to the skies, even doing backflips on the top turnbuckle before jumping off.
We think: The Senator takes it, but May shows her fighting spirit in the process

The Main Event of the Evening
Cowboy Johnston vs. Tomas the Tiny Giant
The irresistible force meets the immovable object! The Office only has room for one on the top, and this match has been confirmed to officially be a ranking bout for #1 on the rankings. On one hand, Cowboy Johnston has a diverse skillset, but finds himself most at home brawling with his opponents, and using his array of big power shots to build to the Amarillo Sunset. His destruction of Gary Gear at L&L #2 was definitive. On the other hand, Tomas the Tiny Giant went from zero to hero, winning match after match ever since reuniting with his old PEWA allies. Tomas scored a startling upset win in the JJB Tournament of Death and has been extremely competitive at the upper levels on Monday Night Wrestling. He has no subtlety or nuance to his style, no variance from crushing high angle drops and bloody hardcore wrestling. The winner of this match will be the face of the Office moving forward, and there have not yet been higher stakes for a contest in the fledgling organization.
We think: Cowboy Johnston will prove to be too much for Tomas, and will win this with a clean pin in the middle of the ring

---

A few quick hits:

-The two mystery competitors for the eight person tag have been rumored to be a debuting Office member and an outsider which Senator Phillips personally negotiated to bring in.
-Hailey Comet and Cowboy Johnston are an item! The duo have been seen around town, and have reportedly been training together.
-The Office has signed a full working relationship with the Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance, the organization recently purchased by the Bingo Hall Mutants, and will be bringing in more of its roster for guest spots on future shows. Rumor has it that these guests include the popular Hobo Harry, the legendary tag team of the Goodfellas, Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod as well as the insane Bath Salt Zombie.
-The Santana Family may be arriving soon at the Office, with three generations represented by Felix Santana Sr, Jr and III, as well as Diego Santana.






Senatorial Office News for 12-4

-Lariats and Legislators #3 has been postponed indefinitely until the Office can work out a broadcasting agreement. Senator Philips is reportedly in discussion with notorious media mogul Morgan "Midas" Matthews to make this happen. Matthews is well known for being a self-aggrandizing figure in Washington circles, known for his habit for making a speech at any venue at any time, for his ever-present companion, supermodel Persephone and for dressing in outrageous gold covered suits. If Phillips is considering an arrangement with Matthews, it is clear that he is at a desperate stage in things.

-As an emergency announcement, the Office has decided to run Office Party #1, a four match house show to act as both a stopgap for the postponed L&L#3 and as a needed opportunity for determining the Office competitors in the FPWA Tag Team League.

The card follows as such:

The Senatorial Office Presents: Office Party #1
Four matches set for 12-4-2017, at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center

Main Event: No Disqualifications, No Countouts, No Mercy
Mina Fitsharris vs. Bath Salts Zombie
The debut match for the Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance's deathmatch specialist, and a much needed match for Mina Fitsharris to come back from her loss to Josh Belmonte in a brutal weapons match on the FPWA World Cup Semi-Finals undercard. This match should promise blood and mayhem no matter what the result.

FPWA Tag-Team League Qualifier
Neon Knights (Supernaut, Holy Diver) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants (Rampage Rage, Skullface Killah)
High stakes in this match, as the Office's two top teams face off to determine who goes on to represent the organization in the FPWA Tag League. The Knights have a strong record, but can their high flying fluidity be enough against the massive brawlers from the PEWA?

G.P. Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammadi
Another match with a PEWA member in G.P. Christopher, this match will mark the debut of both Christopher and Mehrmohammadi. This could be a sleeper contender for match of the year if both men are on top of their games, with Christopher's Philly Strong Style and high flying matching up against Mehrmohammadi's effective high speed submission tactics. A battle of two of the Office's most exciting prospective workhorses.

"Southern Fireball" Hailey Comet vs. Adonis Avery Alexander
The opening bout could provide fireworks as Hailey Comet brings her mix of aerial attacks and western brawling to match up against the no-frills power and athleticism of Alexander. These two have met before,
teaming up in an eight person tag match at L&L#2, combining for a losing effort. Comet is a popular performer in the FPWA, having been a regular fixture on Typhoon Pro: WAVE events, and Alexander could gain a good deal of momentum with a win here.

Results for Office Party #1



The match started out with Alexander in control, landing clotheslines, punches and basic slams. While Comet tried to keep up, Alexander kept his dominant control, getting a near fall with his fireman carry gutbuster and the Pinnacle Dropkick was enough to finish the match. A strong showing from an overlooked member of the Office, perhaps not to be overlooked for much longer.



The second match on the card was more even from the start, both men trading strikes and holds from the sound of the bell. It was obvious that the two were evenly matched to a fault with Mehrmohammdi landing huracanranas and Christopher finishing a spectacular leapfrog and back switch sequence with a sleeper drop. Mehrmohammdi started to switch tactics as the match went on, working the arm, but Christopher matched him with legwork, even getting the Tribute to Nagata off around ten minutes in. The two proceeded to trade top rope attacks, Mehrmohammdi's diving elbow for Christopher's splash. A moonsault from Christopher netted a near fall, and Mehrmohammdi answered with another elbow and spinning chop attacks. Two more diving splashes, and Christopher finally put away the Nigerian. A tremendous match that set a tough standard for the rest of the show to follow. Both Mehrmohammdi and Christopher made a strong first impression for the Senatorial Office, and will almost certainly have earned a spot on future shows.



Before the match started, each team agreed to follow PEWA rules for this contest: Both members must be eliminated to win.

With high stakes on the line, mistakes would be hazardous in this one. Holy Diver started off against Rampage Rage, and controlled him with armdrags and headlocks. Supernaut fared reasonably well against Skullface Killah for a bit, but the size difference started weighing against him. Again, it was Diver's conservative Lucha style that regained the momentum for the Knights, keeping both opponents grounded with basic takedowns. A huge splash from Skullface was a difference maker, bringing Supernaut back in to fight back with surprising fire for the high flyer. As the match headed outside for a bit, Rampage took a light tube, smashing Diver wtih it while both were illegal. A Kill You Dead from Rampage sent Supernaut out, and it seemed that it deflated both the Knights for the next few minutes, with Diver missing several Holy Diving Headbutts. A Splash of Rage from Rampage connected on Supernaut around twenty minutes in, but only netted a two count. Supernaut answered with the Spiral Archetict, but could not finish the match with it either. Rampage Rage kept the Mutants in firm control going into the twenty eighth minute, but got caught with a Spiral Architect and another senton to be eliminated. As the match continued under PEWA rules, Skullface entered, but was obviously demoralized, and an Asai DDT was enough to put him away as well to finish the match.

Both teams certainly gave this their best shot, but the Neon Knights were simply superior this night.



Mina Fitsharris has not had the best of weeks, coming off a KO against Josh Belmonte at the FPWA World Cup. The debuting Bath Salts Zombie wasted no time in trying to make her week worse, biting the face and clubbering away. It was Fitsharris who got the best of the early strike exchanges, and somehow both avoided any blood five minutes into the match. A Night Ride DDT answered a flurry of knuckle arrows from the Zombie, and finally Mina bit him open at about seven minutes. Another Night Ride was merely ignored by the Zombie, responding with headbutts and a big corner spear. A missed Midnight Special gave the Zombie an opening, but Mina only followed up with Iizuka Time to the throat. Zombie returned fire with a double knee facebuster, but this time Fitsharris hit the Midnight Special, only to be hindered by a rope break. A few more punches, and Mina joined the Zombie in the ranks of the bleeding at seventeen minutes. That seemed to kick her into the next gear, as she hit an enzuigiri, a step-up enzuigiri and landed a low kick on her way to the pin to finish off the Bath Salts Zombie. A solid match that delivered about what was expected.

The Senatorial Office's first official house show turned out extremely well. Without the pressure of a malfunctioning broadcast the talent were able to shine, and with the exception of the opener, three out of the four matches delivered exactly what was hoped. G.P. Christopher, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi and the Bath Salts Zombie all made strong debuts and Mina Fitsharris and the Neon Knights picked up much needed wins. A solid show, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

A few promos following Office Party #1

Adonis Avery Alexander


G.P. Alexander


Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi


Neon Knights


Bingo Hall Mutants


Mina Fitsharris


Bath Salts Zombie


---

A short recording from a discussion in the Beltway made its way to the media, and as such, we're presenting it to you in full.

During a training session at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center, Senator Steve Phillips and the Capitalists can be seen taking turns on a heavy bag. Anthony Kalb unleashes a series of hard hooks as Phillips holds the bag and Kevin Fitsharris stands by, drinking a bottle of water. Kalb finishes his combo with an inside sway, clinching up with the bag.

Phillips nods and lets the bag go. "Good work. Next time, try to keep those hooks more compact, you know how to drive the fist through the target, no need to whip them in from such a wide angle."

Kalb responds. "Yeah, sure. Tough to break old habits. Speaking of, we finally aiming for the big time? You didn't let me or Fitsy in that meeting with Midas. Any reason for that?"

"Reasoning was that Morgan Matthews reached out and said he wanted to deal with me personally."

"Anything we need to know? You do know that Midas isn't someone you deal with unless you have to. And I don't have a problem with the way things are now."

"Perhaps I am not. Perhaps I want to take the Office to the next level. And perhaps you two need to reevaluate your own standing. The last I checked, neither of you were even close to the top fifteen in the rankings. Neither one of you get booked anywhere outside the Office. Ask yourselves why that is the case."

Fitsharris suddenly coughs on his water, spitting it out in a burst. "Urgh, urk, arbgh, wait, wait, just a sec...so yeah, you want to know why we're not booked? We're helping run this fed, we're not trying to steal the spotlight anymore. Kalb an' I are both good. We've won our titles, had our big matches, I'm a family man, he's a Washington swamp dweller, we're both good."

Kalb shakes his head. "Speak for yourself, Fitsy. I may not have a problem with the way this is run, but I want a shot at something again."

Phillips interjects, "So then you should be willing to take some risks. I am. That is why I spoke with Mr. Matthews. Morgan "Midas" Matthews is an arrogant self-aggrandizing media mogul, but he is also someone willing to deal with us, and in this day and age, someone who wants to help a fledgling professional wrestling organization get on its feet is worth speaking to, no matter what his reputation."

Kalb shrugs his shoulders. "You know, there was a time I'd be ok with that, but damn it, we've been down that road, win at any cost. I don't mind sacrifice, hard work, but having worked in DC these last five years or so, I don't want that invading my wrestling world. This is where I still got some integrity. It's why I still stick around here. We got something good going. Maybe it's not reaching up high as you'd like, or even I'd like, but we're doing it the right way. Midas? He's bad news. He never makes deals without getting a piece of you in return. I studied him some, and I don't like what I see."

Fitsharris carries on where Kalb left off. "I don't like it either! We want to work with a guy who wears a gold suit in public? Seriously, Kalb's right. We do business with him, and we don't end up anywhere we like.
What did you agree to?"

Phillips finally answers. "Very well then. I shall tell you exactly what we agreed upon. Mr. Matthews and I spoke. We signed no papers, and we shook hands on one item, and one item only. We stated that we were both interested in continuing negotiations. He said he wanted to invest in our organization and give us the opportunity to present our brand on a nationwide scale. I want to hear more about the terms, and when they are finalized, I will have you run over them with a fine-toothed comb, Anthony. But until then, I suggest we all give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that these negotiations are being held in good faith.

End transmission



-Negotiations between Senator Steve Phillips and media mogul Morgan "Midas" Matthews are said to be in progress, with the hope for an eventual broadcast deal. Lariats & Legislators #3 is being held up until this decision can be made.

-Even if Lariats & Legislators #3 is postponed, along with the massive ranking bout between Cowboy Johnston and Tomas the Tiny Giant, the Office has announced another Office Party house show to keep the roster busy.

Office Party #2
Four Matches set for 12-8-2017 at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center

Main Event
The Capitalists [Kevin Fitsharris and Anthony Kalb] vs. Cowboy Johnston and Tomas the Tiny Giant
The top two members of the roster team together to square off against the Senator's sidekicks. Can the team of the Cowboy and the Tiny Giant co-exist long enough to get the win?

Tex-Mex Mix-up
Vice Versa vs. "Southern Fireball" Hailey Comet
Two popular high flyers enter into competition against each other, pitting Versa's technical lucha versus Comet's high speed western brawling and aerial attacks.

The Master Meets the Student
"Textbook" Tim Dwight vs. Adonis Avery Alexander
Adonis Avery Alexander won a one sided match against Hailey Comet during Office Party #1, and apparently was arrogant enough in the locker room to motivate Tim Dwight to challenge him to a match. Should Alexander win this one, he'll have some serious momentum.

Christopher-Mehrmohammdi II
G.P. Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi
These two put on a tremendous match at the first Office Party, and management saw fit to issue them an immediate rematch. The most likely winners here: the people in attendance.

Results for Office Party #2


G.P. Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi
The first match was a sprint. This one started off methodically, Ali working the arms, Christopher answering with suplexes. The suplexes won out, and Christopher was able to take full momentum for a good while. A diving splash almost netted him another win, as did a shining wizard. A reverse drop and a moonsault started to seem like overkill, and a Tribute to Nagata almost won the match in the middle of the ring, but Ali finally started getting his moves off. Ali countered a potential top rope German with a diving huracanrana and even got the Submission of Gloriousness off, albeit in the ropes. The two fought brutally on the outside, but in the end it was a huge shining wizard that won the match for Christopher. Were there a larger crowd, they'd have earned a standing ovation.


"Textbook" Tim Dwight vs. Adonis Avery Alexander
Dwight took an early lead, demonstrating a technical superiority to the younger opponent. Alexander for his part simply answered by smashing Dwight in the face with punches and clotheslines. A cobra facelock and repeated side headlock takeovers kept Tim Dwight in the driver's seat, and a huge German and his signature pendulum slam jackknife pin almost got a three count before eight minutes in. The Dwight-Out also came close to victory with Alexander showing only basic moves in return. An Avery Alexander vertical suplex seemed to be the start of a comeback, but Dwight got up first, and locked in the Dwight-Out for the victory. Ugly one-sided match for the head trainer.


Vice Versa vs. "Southern Fireball" Hailey Comet
Two of the most exciting competitors on the roster faced off here, neither able to gain an advantage early on. High speed basics would describe the match in the first five minutes or so, nothing flashy, but everything delivered rapidly. Finally, around eight minutes, the moves started picking up, suplexes from Hailey and kicks from Vice able to pick things up. These soon changed to backbreakers and huracanranas, with Comet hitting a big moonsault to a standing opponent for a two count, and Versa connecting with the Twist up Special for the same. A diving rana almost netted a three, and Versa answered with an imploding 450 in the ropes. Just as it seemed that both were on the verge of turning this into something more, Hailey hit a Comet Crunch over the back driver for the win. Solid match that never slowed down or was far away from a shift in the momentum.


The Capitalists [Kevin Fitsharris and Anthony Kalb] vs. Cowboy Johnston and Tomas the Tiny Giant
The Capitalists wanted this match. Amazingly, Kalb was not obliterated from the start, holding his own with Cowboy. A double team powerbomb neckbreaker helped as Fitsharris entered, eventually sending Tomas in. The Tiny Giant sent Fitsharris out after some decent brawling, and Kalb entered only to receive a brutal beatdown, which extended back to Fitsharris as he tagged back in, reluctantly. The two teams brawled to the outside, with Kalb catching a trademark Tomas light tube smash. Finally, at about fifteen minutes, Cowboy tagged back in for the first time since the start. He and Kalb fought back and forth around the ring, with Fitsharris getting involved on the outside. Tomas suddenly tagged himself back in, and after landing a hard punch, pinned Kalb for the win.

Tomas and Cowboy had a staredown after the match, with Cowboy offering a hand after a long pause, only to have it slapped away by the Tiny Giant as the show ended.

All in all, this show was somewhat dual natured. When it was good, it was great. The Christopher/Mehrmohammdi and Versa/Comet matches were both well worthwhile. When it was not, it was flatter than a pancake. Dwight/Alexander wasn't a glorified squash, it was a brutal demotion of a man who had a chance to move up into the top fifteen. The main event was what it was expected to be, and while it set up some storylines for the Cowboy/Tomas feud, and wasn't a terrible match, it wasn't great, either, and neither Tomas nor Cowboy ever looked like they were in the slightest of trouble.

-Rankings will likely be posted within a week, as the posting of the rankings were waiting on Lariats and Legislators #3, but with the unknown nature of the Office's broadcast future, the ratings will be posted whether or not the big event takes place.

-Speaking of Lariats and Legislators #3, the card has been slightly modified. G.P. Christopher will be removed from his spot on Team Stanford Bradley in the Eight Person Elimination Tag, and will be replaced by fellow PEWA member, the Bath Salts Zombie.

This is not a demotion, however, as Christopher will instead face Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi in yet another rematch, set to take place as the opening bout.

The card for Lariats and Legislators #3 now looks like this:




Crusher Honda Makes Her Way to the States, Issues Startling Proclamation!
By Kevin "The Internet" Anderson

It is no exaggeration that the woman who goes by the nickname of the Murder Train is not a kindhearted person. Megumi "Crusher" Honda may well exceed her reputation. She earned notoriety for her contemptuous treatment of her opponents in the ring and even more so for a series of backstage incidents including an assault that forced an early, temporary retirement out of fellow wrestler Rumika Hashi. As such, many are questioning the move that the Senatorial Office has made in signing Honda to a long term contract less than a month after signing Hashi. I sat down with Crusher Honda to ask her the tough questions:

Kevin Anderson: Welcome to the United States, Miss Honda, I understand you have arrived here on a mission.

Crusher Honda: Yes, I came here to inflict pain! I came here to break bodies! I came here to end careers! And I came here to end career for that little Sparrow, Rumika! She thought she could come across the ocean to escape me, but she was very very wrong!

KA: What exactly is it that makes you hate Rumika Hashi so much? Is it because she beat you all those years ago when nobody thought she stood a chance? Is that why?

CH: Rumika is nothing! I want to make her understand that she's less than nothing when I'm done!

KA: But is it because she beat you, before she took over a year off and became a kickboxer? Are you saying you lost to nothing?

CH: Shut your mouth, little boy! Rumika didn't earn that win! It was a fluke! I should never have a loss on my record to a tiny thing like her!

KA: So what happens if you destroy Rumika Hashi? What's next?

CH: Everybody! I see there are lots of people in the Senator's Office who live their safe little lives over here! They don't know what it's like spending hell in the dojos of Japan! They don't know what it's like to fight the best over and over, and to win because you're better and tougher! I want to end their careers! And not just the women, the men too! They rank that Cowboy as #1? This is a weak collection of sorry people!

KA: You want to wrestle the men?

CH: I want to break them! Like everybody else! And I want to break the Senator Steve Phillips too! His career has gone on too long! Go back to politics, go back to running this Office and leave wrestling for the wrestlers! Good riddance to old people!

KA: Strong words! Think you can back them up?

CH: Senator's Office! Hear me! I am Crusher Honda! Anyone who thinks they can stop the Murder Train will end up greasing its wheels with their blood! Try me, and die by my hands!

---

The card for Office Party #3 has been completed, and will be posted on Saturday, Dec. 23.

Office Party #3
Four Matches set for 12-23-2017 at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center

Main Event
"Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa vs. "African Supersensation" Jean-Pierre Mutombo
Two of the most popular stars of the Office meet in this match, with Mutombo and Tokugawa pitting the Apocalypse Knee vs. the Supersensational Drop. Whoever wins here will gain a good deal of momentum with this match, and this is certainly a strong main event for a house show.

Double Debut
"Soaring Sparrow" Rumika Hashi vs. "Kix McGee" Ong Daengsri
Two hard kicking women from the East square off in this match, Hashi with her Lucharesu high flying and Dutch kickboxing vs. Daengsri's high grade Muay Thai and Thiago Gracie style BJJ. A win here will certainly start either competitor off well for the Office.

Tag Team Battle
The Goodfellas (Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod) vs. G.P. Christopher and Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi
The debut match for the PEWA based Goodfellas against the two who have stolen the show at the first two Office Party events. Twenty year veterans of the sport, the Goodfellas and their dubious underworld connections have struck fear into many opponents. Will Christopher and Mehrmohammdi have enough to counter their experience?

Triple A vs. The Twister
Adonis Avery Alexander vs. Vice Versa
Alexander has a big mouth that seems to get him in more trouble than anyone save Stanford Bradley. This match came into being when he berated Vice Versa for having a less athletic dropkick during a training session. Alexander's athletic ability is undeniable, but will it save him against the technical skill of Versa?

Results from Office Party #3


Adonis Avery Alexander vs. Vice Versa
A close match in the early going, very basic exchanges and neither committing to much, and five minutes into the match, this seemed to carry on. Despite the pre-match venom, both seemed to have a great deal of respect for each other's skills. Eventually, around seven minutes, Alexander started hitting some more impactful moves, including a big gutbuster and a diving shoulder block. A diving splash netted a near fall for Adonis, followed directly by the same move from Versa for a two. After a few more close calls, a Pinnacle Dropkick was enough to net the three count for the insufferable Alexander who will certainly have more to brag about after calling his shot here.


The Goodfellas (Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod) vs. G.P. Christopher and Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi
Eddie the Wire and G.P. Christopher started out for their respective teams, but Mehrmohammdi was quick to tag himself in. The two continued making quick tags while the Wire remained, but when Tony the Rod finally got in, he quickly introduced himself with a big powerbomb neckbreaker combo and a diving tornado DDT to Christopher. The Nigerian Prince fared slightly better against the Rod, the two trading electrifying reversal sequences. Christopher tagged back in, taking a ton of punishment, and delivering little in return before sending Mehrmohammdi back in. The Wire came back in at the same time, and a big head kick led to a reversal powerbomb hold for the win. A mostly one-sided match in favor of the Made Men, demonstrating their tag team dominance on their debut.


"Soaring Sparrow" Rumika Hashi vs. "Kix McGee" Ong Daengsri
The two hard kicking women wasted little time in getting to know each other, trading strikes from the start. Hashi, the larger, more seasoned competitor, took the early advantage, despite taking a few hard leg kicks. The two exchanged body kicks, with Hashi winning out, but taking a series of low kicks, knees and elbows afterwards. A huge series of attacks led to the Sparrowhawk Kick, but ony for a two count. Several Shining Wizards in the corner kept Daengsri disoriented, and Hashi obliterated her foe with a series of stomps and kicks to her face while prone on the mat. A sliding double knee finished the deal. This match made a brutal statement: Rumika Hashi is the real deal, and she has shown no fear in the face of Crusher Honda's challenge.


"Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa vs. "African Supersensation" Jean-Pierre Mutombo
Two of the Office's best in the main event, with Tokugawa demonstrating his superior speed and skills to start the match. Mutombo did not take a back seat for long, landing a Manhattan Drop to European Uppercut combination. He stopped an Irish Whip attempt, only to eat a spin wheel kick that sent him tumbling over the top rope. No matter how hard Tokugawa hit Mutombo, he kept returing with moves of his own, locking in a Congolese Crab a number of times, only for his opponent to escape. The Apocalypse Knee followed a backspin combination around ten minutes, but Mutombo kicked out, and hit a diving splash for a two count of his own. Raymond Allen Fleming went down around twelve minutes but recovered in time to count three for the Supersensational Drop, giving Jean-Pierre Mutombo an unbelievable win to cap a tremendous main event, garnering a standing ovation from the crowd in attendence. After the match, Mutombo got a handshake from Tokugawa, and the two bowed in mutual respect.

Some important happenings on this show. JPM solidified an upper echelon spot on the roster, and his match with Masa was likely a match of the year contender. Rumika Hashi was a pure buzzsaw, cutting through a live foe in Ong Daengsri with startling efficiency. The Goodfellas did well to handle the team of Christopher and Mehrmohammdi. Adonis Avery Alexander again ran through one of the Office's women, but one has to believe that he may make a very bad choice sooner than later. Again, the main event was as good a match as the Office has seen, back and forth action with both men raising their stock.

Post Office Party #3 Presser Highlights:

Vice Versa: Hate to say it, Triple A is good wrestler, would be better if he stops looking at mirror.

Adonis Avery Alexander: You're looking at the All-Natural Adonis, the chiseled body of an Olympian right here! You don't get to look this good without hard working and clean living, but even more importantly, you gotta be born pretty to look like this. Ain't no way the average person gets here! And I made my point tonight, there ain't no better lookin' move in the business than the Pinnacle Dropkick. Don't matter who gets in that ring, when they're in with Adonis, all eyes lookin' at Triple A. Senator Phillips, you know what, next time you bless the fans with my presence, put me in against that unbalanced, unaesthetic, unnatural, chemical headed fake ass roided up muscle brained ogre, Gary Gear! We got some unfinished business!

Eddie the Wire: It's been a long time in the game, twenty years! That's twenty years me and the Rod been at this, and we just showed the Senatorial Office why these two Goodfellas made our name. G.P., Ali, you're both good enough, but you can't just step up and take on two Made Men! They want to make a set of tag ratings, we're going to get on the top of that list, just like cream rises to the top, the Goodfellas keep rising up.
Tony the Rod: And like a fine wine, we just keep getting better. No offense to anyone who gets in our way, but we'll dissect, bisect, vivisect and leave you wrecked, and that's nothing personal, just business.

G.P. Christopher: Nope, I'm not mad, nope, not mad at all here. Ali and I did our best, and they kicked my ass pretty good, but that wasn't enough. people 'round here don't know who those Goodfellas are, but they will...they will.
Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi: G.P. Christopher is not bad for tag team partner, but better for now that we finish what we started. The Party is over, next comes Lariats, next comes Legislators, and I promise that next will come a match that will be remembered in gloriousness! The endless war between the Philiadelphia Strong Style and the Nigerian Prince will continue! And this time, maybe it is the Nigerian Prince who will stand tall!

Ong Daengsri: That was a bad match to start. I did not expect to get outkicked. Miss Hashi is very tough. Thiago tell me to stay tough, come back again and remember this to get better. I will do that.

Rumika Hashi: That is what I am talking about! Everyone's scared of the big bad Honda, but they do not expect the Soaring Sparrow to be every bit as violent, as unpredictable as dangerous! Do they think I am scared? Do they? Because I am NOT scared! I am angry! I am focused! I am ready to kick heads in! But I am not scared!

As Hashi left the podium and Masa Tokugawa stepped up, Crusher Honda herself barged into the press room, picked up the podium and rammed it into Rumika Hashi. She followed that up with a series of stomps and a big knee drop. Several staffers tried to pull her off, but ended up taking elbows for their troubles. Finally, Masa Tokugawa stepped in her way, and stared her down.

Masa Tokugawa(In Japanese): <This is not the way.>

Crusher Honda(Also in Japanese): <Step aside little boy or I'll pick my teeth with the toothpicks you call arms!>

Masa: <I am a warrior of the Apocalypse. When I step in the ring, there is no mercy. I am a destroyer like you in that way. But there must be an honor to the destruction, an order to the chaos, else there is no purpose to it.>

Crusher: <Don't make me laugh! You speak all those funny words, but you lost! I break people, and they stay broken! The Murder Train doesn't respect anybody or anything, it just kills everything! Come get run over, little boy!>

Crusher Honda spits at Tokugawa, who strikes a fighting stance, loading up to throw a big kick. At this point, security, Jean-Pierre Mutombo, Thiago Gracie and the Capitalists jump in, separating the two and pulling them into separate exits. JPM stays for his interview as the staff puts the podium back up:

Jean-Pierre: Wow! That was intense! You could feel the fire! Crusher Honda is a very interesting woman, isn't she? Anyway, yes, the match between me and Mister Masa Tokugawa was a blast! The African Supersensation and the Apocalyptic Warrior sent the fans home with a thrill in their hearts and with memories in their heads that will last for many years! All respect for Mr. Masa, he hits harder than many who are twice of his size! I would be honored and delighted to repeat that match some day. Now, some ask if I, Jean-Pierre have any ambitions around here, and I say that yes, I do! After I face the Holy Diver on the next show, I wish to challenge nobody less than Senator Steve Phillips himself! I want to see if we can put on the match of the decade, and I want to see if we can make the Senatorial Office resound with the stories of our conflict! May you all depart here with feelings of joy and good will!

Lariats and Legislators #3 Press Conference

Before the actual press conference began, Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris addressed the reporters and made the announcement that Lariats and Legislators #3 is officially announced for Friday, January 5.

Cowboy Johnston: Ah think this is gonna be the biggest match of mah career. Tomas, much as folks like ta' make fun of him, he's a legit bad man! This ain't gonna be no easy walk in the park! Thing is, ah win this match, and ah prove myself as the undisputed man 'round these parts. Spent sum time 'round the family back home, now ah'm ready to show just why ah'm the top man in the Senatorial Office!

Tomas the Tiny Giant: tomas is on the edge of the cliff, but not because the tiny giant is going to fall off, but because TOMAS IS GOING TO SHOVE ALL HIS HATERS OFF THE EDGE WHEN HE BECOMES THE BEST IN THE OFFICE, AND THE MASTER OF SPACE AND TIME ON MONDAY NIGHTS! the west is not wild any more, but if it was, tomas would be the sheriff and would DRAW THE DOUBLE SHOOTERS OF SIX AND SHOOT THE COWBOY OUT OF HIS EXPENSIVE BOOTS! and then the tiny giant would be the man who keeps law in the office.

Senator Steve Phillips: First off, I want to thank all of you for showing up here today, and for having the patience to put up with the technical delays. Yes, I am still finalizing my deal with Golden Touch Productions and Morgan Matthews. Should that fall through, I will still run this show, this Friday, no matter what. Now, onto my match. With all my signings as of late, and I do want to thank Anthony Kalb, Kevin Fitsharris, Thiago Gracie and all my international connections for the work they do, with all the signings they precipitated, Miss Valerie May very well could have evaded the attention of the spotlight. Let it be said that she could indeed be the single most impressive athlete I have seen to date. Startling, functional power, deceptive speed and agility, a flawless physique and an adaptive tactical mind, Miss May will be a massive challenge for me. But as JFK said, we do things not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because they require our best! Miss May, I warn you, do not think for one moment that I will take it easy on you in the ring, do not believe for one moment that my skills are in decline, for when it comes down to it, you will pit your best versus my best, and that, my friend, is nothing, but the truth.

"Granite Goddess" Valerie May: Senator Steve Phillips! That's the man with the plan, the man who signed me from across the Atlantic because he heard the news. He saw the reports. He heard the rumors. And I'm going to demonstrate that not only were the scouts and the pundits right, but they left something out. I have succeeded in every single goal I have set for myself. When I want something, I figure out what it takes to accomplish it, and I do it! I succeed because I put in the work and I have what it takes! And I succeed because I, Valerie May, am a stone-cold Granite Goddess! Any questions? Too bad, you have to wait until Friday for the answers.

Lenny Broadway (Representing the Everyman and Tim Dwight): It's beeen a loooong tiimmme goooneee, befooore the dawn! Sorry, dudes, but the Long Haul got lost in some CSN there, think I was trapped in a flashback! But yeah, whatever, anyway, me and the Everyman, we're the Blue Collar Brawlers, and our buddy Textbook Dwight ain't no slouch. We're gonna prove all that fancy pants martial arts bull ain't no match for hard work, big fists and the willingness to get the job done at all costs!

Dangerous Nicholas Alger (Representing Masa Tokugawa and Thiago Gracie): Didn't have much to say here, but then I hear this drug addled wackjob over there say that hard work's all it takes to win, hey, tie-dye, you don't think I haven't dedicated my life to the combat arts? You don't think Thiago Gracie worked his ass off every day of his life to perfect his style, and then adapt it to wrestling? You think that our buddy Masa isn't obsessed every moment of the day to fine tune himself to become the ultimate Apocalyptic Warrior or whatever? If you still think that's the case, you're more far gone than I thought you were!

Duke Cogburn (Representing Mr. Nobunaga and the mystery partners): Sometimes, you can't fix stupid. And Stanford Bradley is a special kind of stupid. What else is there to say? All I'm going to add is that Stanford and his friends best be ready, 'cause I got my friends, and they're more than ready to put you down like the rabid dog that you are.

Stanford Bradley (Representing the Bath Salts Zombie and the Bingo Hall Mutants): Look at that! The old man wants to open his mouth one last time before we send him to the retirement home! And why isn't Nobby talking? What's the matter, didn't learn how to speak English yet, Mr. Mee-ah-gee! They didn't want to give me this microphone, because in my hands, this is a registered deadly weapon, yeah, that's right, this is...

(Skullface Killah walked up from behind the stage and snatched the microphone from Stanford's hand, handing it over to Rampage Rage.)

Rampage Rage (Representing Stanford Bradley, Skullface Killah and the Bath Salts Zombie): Knew we'd be better off showing up here. Sorry, Mr. Cogburn, Nobunaga-san, but Stanford here has a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth. Hate that piece of trash. We respect you guys, and we've learned a lot from your training. That said, we're gonna stomp your asses into the mat when that match comes around! And if you think we're dangerous, just wait till our homie Bath Salts shows up, he'll rip your nose off and eat your face! Me an' Skullface didn't ask for this match, but now that we're in it, we'll be in it for the blood and thunder, you bring the blood, we'll bring the thunder!

Holy Diver:Jean-Pierre, you are rising like the Southern Cross, but do not underestimate me! I will never say die!

Jean-Pierre Mutombo :Greetings and salutations to all of you wonderful people out there! Yes, I, Jean-Pierre am here fresh off a big win on Monday Night, and I am here to speak of my accomplished opponent, the Holy Diver! He is a very tricky man! I cannot be taking this match lightly, or I will find myself pinned for the count of three! Holy Diver may not be a titanic giant like Vulcan Vesuvius or a bloody nightmare like Doctor Overdose, but he presents a different challenge, a challenge I am very happy to accept!

Jimmy Jack Walker :Aw yeah babay! The master of Redneck-Fu's here to make his big appearence on the world stage! And all y'all gonna reckon that it's prime time for the 1000% Proof Man to be footloose and francy free! Ye haww!

Francine Francis :Ok, that was just plain embarrassing, and if I were still an active duty officer, I'd have that man in handcuffs for public drunkeness! Don't blame me for what I have to do, when someone is as unruly as Jimmy Jack Walker, you have to be cognizant that you are in blatant violation of the law of common sense! And when I put him in the Lockdown and shut down his unruly antics, you have to understand that I'm just doing my duty.

G.P Christopher: Ali, we're getting to know each other pretty well in this ring, we've fought twice now, and teamed together, and while you did very well as my teammate, we're back facing each other again, and you know how the last two time went!

Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi :I, the Nigerian Prince, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi decree this victory to be in my name to open this show of Lariats and Legislators! Two losses, but I learn! I learn to win, and when I do, may our series expand yet again!



The Definitive Take on L&L #3 from The Internet
By Kevin "The Internet" Anderson

I have proven time and time again that there is no more accurate voice in the entire IWC than yours truly. I type, people read. You want the hard hitting take? I'll deliver it, no holds barred. The third Lariats and Legislators show is going to be a big one, whether the Office finalizes its deal with Golden Touch Productions.

The main event between Cowboy Johnston and Tomas has a lot of hype behind it, and will likely deliver in the ring. Even if it does, though, it doesn't matter. Whoever wins this is only holding the top spot on the rankings for Crusher Honda or Jean-Pierre Mutombo, the two rising stars of the roster.

Senator Phillips is obviously slowing down in his career. Valerie May has big league potential, but she's green. This is a classic match between an old star who's looking the pass the torch, and a young upstart who wants to see if she's ready. I say she is.

The shooters are going to destroy the brawlers. I predict Masa pins Dwight after a big Apocalypse Knee. Might be a decent match.

The Old Guard is getting massacred by the PEWA+Bradley team. Sorry to tell you all that. My guess is that we're seeing the debut of Felix Santanas Sr. and Jr. here to bolster the Old Guard's ranks, but it will not be enough to save them from the Bingo Hall Mutants. And it will not be enough to keep this from being a dud match.

Jean-Pierre obviously beats Holy Diver, and without much trouble. If Diver's at his best, and JPM is at his worst, it could be interesting, but the result doesn't change.

Jimmy Jack Walker runs through Francine Francis, no questions asked. The real question for this match is how many cartwheel's we'll see. I'm putting myself down for twelve.

The Nigerian Prince and G.P. are going to steal the show from the start unless something goes wrong. This will be the match of the night if they even bring their B game. My call here is that Ali Ahmed shows some of his improved form here and brings their series to 2-1 in favor of Christopher.


Ring of Babel! Rating the Senatorial Office's English Speaking Skills
By Eddie Edison

The Senatorial Office is well known for its international flavor. Many of the members speak English as a secondary, or even tertiary language. As such, here's a brief ranking of the English as a Second Language(ESL) members on how fluent they are.

Legend:
5 - Gore Vidal, William F. Buckley and Jim Cornette have nothing on these individuals in their fluency
4 - Quality English skills, but some foreign quirks
3 - Obvious deficiencies, but still able to communicate well
2 - Only semi-fluent in English, able to speak English in limited ways
1 - Incoherent at best
0 - No English at all

3) Thiago Gracie (Portugese, Spanish) - Thiago would rate as a 2 based off his promos, but is known to be more fluent in private
2) Mr. Nobunaga (Japanese) - Limited in sentence structure, doesn't like to speak more than he has to
3) Tomas (Spanish, Romany) - Tomas grew up speaking English with his other two languages, but Tomas is Tomas
1) Masa Tokugawa (Japanese) - Requires a translator for promos, doesn't attempt to speak in English
4) Vice Versa (Spanish) - Vice Versa is well versed(no pun intended) in English, having learned it growing up, but is more natural in speaking Spanish
4) Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi (Yoruba) - His English still has some Nigerian influences, but is very passable
0) Supernaut (?) - Doesn't speak ANY languages, far as anyone knows, other than perhaps Holy Diver
3) Holy Diver (Spanish) - Stilted sentence structure, but otherwise decent
5) Jean-Pierre Mutombo (Lingala, French, Kikongo, Spanish) - Five languages, and able to outdo most native speakers in English, JPM actually picked Spanish up after he learned English
4) Rumika Hashi (Japanese, Spanish) - Speaks well in English, and is known to be well spoken in Spanish as well when she makes her yearly run in the Lucha independents
4) Crusher Honda (Japanese) - Very fluent at being harsh and brutal in English
4) Ong Daengsri (Thai) - Ong can speak fluent English, just not very eloquently, but some of that could be her personality
1) Bath Salts Zombie (Junkie) - Nobody's ever heard the Zombie speak an understandable word, but some say he does attempt English

In closing, I want to offer my respect to the competitors who travel around the world and try to learn a new language while they risk their well-being in the ring. As someone who worked as an announcer, I can only imagine how difficult that has to be, but as we see, it's the effort that counts, and in the end, wrestling proves itself as a universal language across all borders.

A special thanks to everyone who showed up, means a lot to have a good quality audience for my show.

---


(*) A quick announcement from the Senatorial Office:

Senator Steve Phillips and Morgan "Midas" Matthews have announced that the Senatorial Office and Golden Touch Promotions have signed a new broadcasting and promotional deal. Going forward, the Senatorial Office will broadcast nationally from the Will Rogers Stage at the Pavilion Entertainment Center in Washington D.C. The deal will also eventually include a Video On Demand (VOD) option for the Office's major events.

The next Office show will be a cross promotional event with the Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance. will take place in late January, and will be hosted at the Halcyon Ballroom in Philadelphia. Tentative card for the event is as follows:

Main Event for the PEWA Openweight Title
Tomas the Tiny Giant vs. Luke Powers (c)

PEWA Tag Openweight Tag Title Match
The Goodfellas(Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Skullface Killah and Rampage Rage) (c)

Mentor vs. Student
Hobo Harry vs. G.P. Christopher

Paint the Town Red
Fred the Red(Senatorial Office) vs. Bath Salts Zombie


(*) (In other words, I'm now streaming on Twitch. Forgot to record L&L #3, but I'll have the recap up tonight.

Lariats & Legislators #3
Live from the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center
1-5-2018


Dark Match
Ong Daengsri vs Ruthless Nicole Alger

As even a bout as a match can get, these two went toe to toe in a struggle that should lead to a long feud. Daengsri won with a nasty elbow combination to get the pinfall and her first win. It cannot be understated how even and fluid most of this match was.


Christopher vs. Mehrmohammdi #3
G.P Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi

AAM started out with an attitude, throwing GPC out of the ring and taunting, stretching him out on the mat and going hold for hold on the feet. A big chop battle turned the tide around three minutes for Christopher, giving him some momentum back. Just when it seemed as if he was ready to take control, Mehrmohammdi hit a big huracanrana and worked the arm for the next minute or two. Again, the chops gave Christopher the edge, and a sleeper slam. From this point on, the two started to take to the skies, Mehrmohammdi whiffing with Air Nigeria and Christopher hitting a moonsault. Another chop exchange was won by Ali, but it was a Pyrrhic victory, as GPC got up, hit a superkick and the Shining Wizard for the win. Yet another exciting installment in their series, but at 3-0 for G.P. Christopher, the question has been definitively answered.


Arrested for DWW? (Drunk While Wrestling)
Jimmy Jack Walker vs. Francine Francis
Francine wasted no time taking the fight to Walker, snapping him down into sprawl and tripping him into the mat. Walker responded with his usual antics, a big alcohol fueled fireball putting Francis on the mat temporarily. Walker's roundabout ways did not seem to help him in the mid stage of the match, with Francis dominating with quick takedowns and armlocks. The drunken koppo kick kept him in the game, and despite taking much damage through light accumulated moves and ankle locks, Walker finally started making a big comeback, kicking out of the Bosswoman Slam multiple times to do so. Francis hit a huge series of spears, only getting two, and when Walker went for a giant swing, Francis countered into the Lockdown, not getting the tap. After many repetitions of this formula, and a ton of cartwheels, Francis hit a spear for the win. A marathon match to say the least, Walker's resiliance was unreal and Francis's determination shone through. One of the better matches of the night.


Electronic Metal Party
Holy Diver vs. Jean-Pierre Mutombo
These two started out about as expected, with a high octane exchange. Amazingly, Diver beat Mutombo to the punch in an exchange of slaps and European uppers, and used his Lucha skills to keep the African Supersensation grounded. Several Congolese Crabs in the mid-match gave Mutombo the momentum, but Diver was not going to roll over and play dead, getting a near fall with the Rainbow Rising backbreaker and a Holy Diving Headbutt. In the end, a powerbomb counter to a huracanrana won the match for Mutombo. Largely, this was as expected: a match that delivered solid action, and Mutombo as the victor.



Eight Person Elimination Tag Team Match
Duke Cogburn, Mr. Nobunaga, Swingin' Suzie and Wataru Nakajima(ZIP Japan) vs. the Bingo Hall Mutants, Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah with the Bath Salts Zombie and Stanford Bradley
The two mystery partners were revealed to be Swingin' Suzie making her debut, and none other than the Patriarch, Wataru Nakajima from ZIP Japan declaring his affiliation with the the Old Guard! The Old Guard started out rather strongly in this one, with Swingin' Suzie flooring Skullface Killah and Duke Cogburn taking the fight to Stanford Bradley. Nakajima was a force whenever he was in, running his opponents down. Rampage Rage carried his team in the early going, with the Mutants hitting a brutal double team on Mr. Nobunaga, a powerbomb neckbreaker combo that led directly to a running splash from Skullface. Stanford Bradley never spent more than a few seconds in the ring at a time, running away, especially from Mr. Nobunaga.

Wataru Nakajima was eliminated around 25 minutes by Skullface Killah.
28 minutes for Rampage Rage to eliminate Duke Cogburn with a Splash of Rage
34 minutes for Skullface to drop Nobunaga with a Kill you Dead.
Finally, Swingin' Suzie was the last one left for the Old Guard, but a headbutt from Skullface finished her.

This started out well, but as soon as the Patriarch was eliminated, the Old Guard fell apart and the Bingo Hall Mutants went into overdrive. A good match until that point.


Six Person Tag Showcase
The Blue Collar Brawlers, "Long Haul" Lenny Broadway and The Everyman with "Textbook" Tim Dwight vs. Thiago Gracie, Dangerous Nicholas Alger and "Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa

Masa and Dwight started out, and Masa showed the head trainer just what he was capable of, forcing a quick tag to the debuting Lenny Broadway. Broadway also got a taste of the apocalypse, and the Everyman found his way to the ring...and also tagged back out. Tokugawa finally tagged Alger in after Dwight sprawled on his takedown. DNA pounded Dwight's ribs, bringing Broadway back in and Thiago also stepped in for the first time. Tim Dwight, with his amateur background gave a challenge to Thiago, stuffing his takedown. A big waterwheel drop allowed him to tag Masa back in. As the match went on, Thiago destroyed Dwight's arm, leaving it limp at his side, and Everyman came back in to hit a huge Workman's Comp on Tokugawa, going toe to toe with the Apocalyptic Warrior. The end came when Lenny Broadway tagged Dwight back in with Thiago, who tapped him with the armbar, as expected. A strong showing from the shooters, who demonstrated the superiority of their hybrid martial arts styles.


United States vs. United Kingdom
Senator Steve Phillips vs. "Granite Goddess" Valerie May

Match started out with the Senator taking an early advantage, landing an armbar and multiple suplexes. May did not give up, despite taking a hefty beating, a Filibuster and Partisan Kick both getting nearfalls. May was gassed at this point, and another Filibuster ended her night definitively by knockout. This was a disappointing match to say the least, but with May's potential injury early on, she may not have been operating at 100% when the Senator tore into her with surgical precision. Still, this again proves that as much as he may wish to back away from the main event, Senator Steve Phillips is still a formidable opponent to be reckoned with.


The Main Event of the Evening
Cowboy Johnston vs. Tomas the Tiny Giant

The match for the #1 spot on the roster started with Tomas working the Cowboy over, showing his deceptive power and immovability. A near fall only four minutes in gave Cowboy a bit of doubt, but winning a big exchange of punches kept him in the match. As the middle phase went on, Cowboy worked the arm over relentlessly, obviously setting up the Borderline Breaker. A huge Oklahoma Powerslam put Tomas on his back, but not for long. A powerbomb attempt got Johnston backdropped out of the ring, and a big chokeslam on the floor led to the light tube coming into play. Just as the two got back in the ring, Tomas swung the tube with a vicious strike that sent Johnston tumbling back outside. Johnston was counted out after Tomas landed a kick to the back of the knee late in the 20 count, getting back in just in time, but Senator Phillips made the announcement to restart the match!


Restarted Main Event
Cowboy Johnston vs. Tomas the Tiny Giant

As the match restarted, Cowboy was a man on fire, hitting a big powerslam, and dragging Tomas along the ropes. Tomas responded by a fork to the forehead, busting Johnston open. The two brawled on the outside multiple times again, but seemed very hesitant to last too long this time around. Multiple brainbusters started to wear the Tiny Giant down as the match went on, but it seemed that he would not stay down. Amarillo Sunset was hit at thirteen minutes and Cowboy Johnston retained the top spot on the rankings in an epic two part contest!



Many thanks for lending Nakajima over and supporting the Office! I was thrilled to use Nakajima for my own show, and honored for him to be my first outside guest for the organization. Shame he couldn't do more, but as it was, he was the glue that held the Old Guard together, once he fell, everyone else followed like dominos.

I'll have the press interviews up tomorrow, hopefully.

---

Following the main event of Lariats & Legislators #3, the Senatorial Office is considering the decision to remove countouts from its rulebook either for main event matches only, or for all matches on the card. Senator Phillips was said to have been infuriated with Tomas's tactics to intentionally get Cowboy Johnston disqualified in the main event, leading to a restart.

After Lariats & Legislators #3, the Senatorial Office will begin listing Match of the Night and Standout Performer for each show. These awards will be retroactively listed for each show from the last year and will become a regular installment going forward. Both awards will be considered in future Official Power Rankings

Match of the Night goes to the most exciting, dynamic contest of the show. It does not need to go to the longest match or the match with the highest audience rating, but the match determined by Office officials to have been the best representative of the organization for the show.

Standout Performer goes to the individual who left the strongest lasting impression. This could consist of a dominant victory, anchoring a team or even for a valiant losing effort.

---

Lariats and Legislators #1 - 10-1-2017
Match of the Night:
No Countout, no DQ, No Holds Barred: Tomas the Tiny Giant vs. Mina Fitsharris
Standout Performer:
Mina Fitsharris

Lariats and Legislators #2 - 10-24-2017
Match of the Night:
Senator Steve Phillips vs. The Everyman
Standout Performer:
"Textbook" Tim Dwight

Office Party #1 - 12-4-2017
Match of the Night:
G.P. Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammadi
Standout Performer:
Mina Fitsharris

Office Party #2 - 12 8-2017
Match of the Night:
G.P. Christopher vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi
Standout Performer:
Hailey Comet

Office Party #3 - 12-23-2017
Match of the Night:
"Apocalyptic Warrior" Masa Tokugawa vs. "African Supersensation" Jean-Pierre Mutombo
Standout Performer:
Jean-Pierre Mutombo

Lariats & Legislators #3 - 1-5-2018
Match of the Night:
Jimmy Jack Walker vs. Francine Francis
Standout Performer:
Skullface Killah

-The Match of the Night was a tough call, and was almost certainly between one of the four opening bouts or the main event. The dark match was good, but didn't break out the big fireworks, the Christopher-Mehrmohammdi match was solid but lesser compared to their first two bouts and Diver-Mutombo was a bit too dominant for the African Supersensation. The main event was the closest call, but the countout and restart hurt it. As such, Walker and Francis delivered the best contest of the night, with off kilter antics, hard hitting spears and good matwork all giving it the edge.

-Skullface Killah was the easy choice for Standout Performer, as he almost single handedly dismantled the Old Guard. Senator Phillips could have come in second for tearing Valerie May to shreds, but that almost came across as too easy to be considered impressive.

---

The Internet Interviews Midas! Shocking Answers from the Magnate!
By Kevin "The Internet" Anderson

No site on the internet dares to ask the tough questions and engage in true investigative journalism within the wrestling world like World Wrestling Daily Digest dares to. Today, we are privileged to present this interview with media mogul Morgan "Midas" Matthews to you, uncut, uncensored and unscripted. Midas entered the studio wearing one of his regular gold plated suits, with his two associates, Persephone and Irkalla at his side. Neither of them said a word during the course of the interview and were off limits for questioning.

Kevin Anderson: Hello, Mr. Matthews, my name is Kevin Anderson, and I represent World Wrestling Daily Digest. Most people know that you are a well known figure in entertainment media across a variety of venues and genres. For those who don't know, why don't you fill us in, give us a bit of your background and where you came from.

Morgan "Midas" Matthews: I would be happy to, Kevin. May I call you Kevin? I will do just that. So yes, Kevin, to give your readers a bit of context, I run Golden Touch Productions. I grew up as the son of a used car salesman and a retail clerk. I wasn't born into wealth, but I had something greater. I was born with what everyone soon called the "golden touch." Everything I do turns to gold when I involve myself. I went from nothing and started out in the local D.C. area working for a small television studio. Soon, I found myself running the ad department, and eventually managed to become a partner. See, people knew if I made the decisions, I made them money. I then branched out, got involved in movie theater chains, music studios, streaming services, overseas media, I grew my empire step by step, one that grew into a multi-million dollar operation. And that's where Golden Touch Productions comes from.

Anderson: I understand that you are the man who is responsible for the Senatorial Office's newfound national broadcasting capability. Tell me about how that came to be.

Midas: I always took great enjoyment in professional wrestling as a medium, from when I was a young child. I always wanted to involve myself some day in such a venture. And I am very much specialized in seeking out under capitalized ventures. So I see the Senatorial Office. A wrestling organization with a top notch scouting team, tremendous talent, everything you would need to stand out. But it did not have any money invested in production. Senator Phillips wanted to run an operation on a shoestring budget in that regard. I saw that, and I thought, "what a waste!" So I approached him, and made him a deal. A deal I might say he was reluctant to sign. But when he finally realized that he could not do what he wanted to do with the Office without spending money he did not wish to put into the venture, he gave in. And now, I have a full partnership with him in running the Office.

Anderson: Rumor has it that you and Phillips do not get along well at all, and your differences are leading to internal conflict. How true is this?

Midas: I would not say the rumors are unfounded. Senator Phillips has his ways, and as well as they have served him, they are holding the Office back. I believe that as the Office is officially an affiliate of the FPWA, that it should cooperate more with the rest of the organization more instead of always wanting to sign two way contracts with smaller organizations like the PEWA or Santana Family Wrestling. And I do not count his small scale affiliation with ZIP Japan. No, if he wants this to grow, we must give as much as we take, going forward.

Anderson: What does that mean?

Midas: It means that we will be booking outside talent on a regular basis. It means that if we want others to use our own wrestlers, we have to be open to using theirs. We can't just be comfortable in our own little bubble.

Anderson: And what's this about Golden Touch Promotions? Promotions, Productions, it all confuses the hell out of me!

Midas: Golden Touch Productions is my own company. Golden Touch Promotions is my own endeavor within the Office. Any wrestler I sign to Golden Touch Promotions is employed first and foremost by me. Crusher Honda is the first I have signed, and I will do whatever I need to do to get her the #1 slot in the rankings. She is a force to be reckoned with, my own personal war bringer.

Anderson: I've heard you signed another member to your stable. The Desert Mirage?

Midas: Yes, Ibrahim Rahman is a Berber tribesman from Tunisia, and has the potential to be the best junior heavy technician in the world. He might already be just that. I plan to give him the chance to prove it, very quickly.

Anderson: So, you seem to be wanting to build your own separate structure in the Senatorial Office. Is this an attempt to take it over completely? Some have said this is how you grew your media empire from the ground up. Some also say that you have used unethical tactics to put yourself in those positions.

Midas: Interview over.

And with that, Midas Morgan stood up, motioned to his attendants and walked out of the building without another word, getting in his personal limo and taking off. It was clear that he did not want to engage in engaging with any sort of real question regarding the means of his success, and especially concerning his real plans within the Office. What does this say for the future of his collaboration with Senator Phillips? I'll be covering this important story as it develops.

Many thanks to everyone who showed up tonight for Office Party #5! We had quite the crowd tonight. And an extra thanks to Brick for making Wednesday Night Wars a positive instead of a turf war. The FPW community is too cool.

---

Bonus Match: Felix Santana Jr. Debut
Felix Santana Jr. vs G.P. Christopher.
Felix made his surprise debut here, with George Paul Christopher accepting to stick around and face him after the main event. GPC was more than up for the challenge, and tehse two did not disappoint, keeping up a fast pace from teh start. Flashy chain wrestling and consistent dives. The match was an endless flow of holds, counter holds and dives. Eventually, Felix Junior managed to lock in his Santana Surfboard submission to get the win, but survived the Tribute to Nagata and a vicious Shining Wizard to do so.


Main Event
Thiago Gracie vs. The Everyman
The Everyman was able to control the pace of the early match, using his basic blue collar style to curtail the jiu-jitsu of Gracie. As the match went on, Gracie did his usual thing. While Everyman was satisfied with his headlocks, Gracie graduated to his relentless armbars, mixing in waterwheel drops and suplexes. Gracie however, seemed to have the match in the bag, destroying his opponent's arm. Everyman valiantly fought back, hitting a limp armed overhand right, a running body block and even the Workman's Compensation running big boot, but the match seemed to be in the bag for Thiago...when Everyman took his back, spun around and TKOed him with endless knees to the body!


Smash the Narcassitic Glass Ceiling!
"Granite Goddess" Valerie May vs. Adonis Avery Alexander
No love lost in this one. Valerie May had much to prove here, and went at Alexander wtih a vengence. He quickly got back into the match with his basic offence, landing punches and lariats galore, and a big arm slam seemed to build momentum. Just when it seemed he had the match sewn up, May landed a series of flip dropkicks off the top and dove outside with a dropkick, too. Out there, she continued the attack, hitting a bridging electric chair suplex. The match continued for a long while with the two unable to find a distinct advantage, and a close call came with a fireman carry double knee gutbuster, but the May Day finished it for May.


High Kicks and Green Grass
"Long Haul" Lenny Broadway vs. Dangerous Nicholas Alger
In a battle between two certified heavyweights, the Dangerous One and the Long Haul didn't waste time. Broadway did not have many solid moments at L&L3, but he opened this one with a solid run of offence, using his basic but effective approach brilliantly. Alger fought back with knees and his grappling, but seemed to be troubled by his opponent's size. Broadway suplexed his foe over the top rope, but this finally seemed to spark Alger's run, as he started fighting back for real, landing a big Dangerous Kick on the outside and a lifting German back in the ring. After a failed Bermuda Triangle, Broadway hit the Convoy Slam to win.


PEWA: Bingo Politics Preview Match
Tony the Rod w/ Eddie the Wire vs. Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi w/ G.P. Christopher
Ali seemed to have control of the early going in this one, locking the Rod up on the mat and using his cheap shots to keep him off guard. Tony the Rod, being the crafty veteran that he is, did not allow himself to be completely overwhelmed, even landing a Rod Smasher for a near fall around ten minutes. Finally, a rollup for the Rod secured the victory.

---

Awards:
Match of the Night: Thiago Gracie vs. the Everyman
Performer of the Night: Valerie May

Gracie vs. Everyman ended up being a surprisingly competitive fight, and the Everyman's come from behind victory was well deserved, especially considering the depleted state of his arms. Valerie May's win over Adonis Avery Alexander was much appreciated backstage, and she demonstrated guile and athleticism in her victory.

A date and time is now set for the upcoming Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance/Senatorial Office crossover.

PEWA: Bingo Politics - Six Matches set for 2-1-2018 at the Halcyon Ballroom in Philadelphia, PA
(All matches held with no countouts and no disqualifications)

PEWA vs. Senatorial Office - Crew Carnage Match
Team PEWA (Tomas the Tiny Giant, Luke Powers, Juliette Erving, Biff Taylor) vs. Team Senatorial Office (Cowboy Johnston, Senator Steve Phillips, Mina Fitsharris, Hailey Comet)
After the controversial decision to grant an immediate rematch at Lariats and Legislators #3 between Johnston and Tomas, following the Tiny Giant's crafty countout victory in the main event, PEWA President Biff Taylor asked for this match in retribution. A Crew Carnage match is a PEWA specialty, and is held under tornado elimination rules. The Senatorial Office's team has a heavy hitter in the #1 ranked Cowboy Johnston, the unquestionably tough Mina Fitsharris, the high flying of Hailey Comet and Senator Phillips anchoring the team. For the PEWA, Biff Taylor leads the charge with PEWA Extreme Champion Luke Powers, Tomas the Tiny Giant and the wildcard Juliette Erving following behind.

PEWA Extreme Tag Titles: Elimination Tag
The Neon Knights(Supernaut, Holy Diver)(Senatorial Office) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Rampage Rage, Skullface Killah)(c)
Held under traditional PEWA tag rules, the Neon Knights and the Bingo Hall Mutants will reignite their existing feud in the Office here, and as the Knights won their previous contest, leading to their inclusion in the FPWA tag league, the Mutants will look to defend their titles against the Office mainstays.

The Made Men vs. The Young Lions
Strong Style Royalty (Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammmdi(Senatorial Office), G.P. Christopher) vs. The Goodfellas(Eddie the Wire, Tony the Rod)
Two of the most seasoned veterans on the PEWA roster face off against two of the Office's best prospects. Eddie the Wire and Tony the Rod are well preserved for their mid 40s, and operate as a well-oiled machine in the ring. Mehrmohammdi and Christopher are coming off a spectacular series of matches with each other, but it remains to be seen if they can work together well enough to get the win here.

Paint the Town Red
Fred the Red(Senatorial Office) vs. Bath Salts Zombie
The Liverpoolian hooligan has not yet wrestled in the Office, but was chosen as a natural opponent for the singleminded Bath Salts Zombie. Hard kicks, face biting and gallons of blood spilt are guaranteed in what is surely going to be a wild brawl for the ages.

Winos and Whiskey
Hobo Harry vs. Jimmy Jack Walker(Senatorial Office)
The enigmatic Walker has proven himself to be a standout in the Office, even with his loss to Francine Francis at L&L #3. Hobo Harry, a former PEWA Extreme champion, brings a well traveled toolset to the ring in this match, his deadly Hobosault having felled many opponents through the years. Walker has proven himself exceptionally difficult to pin, can the Hobo find a way to show himself the superior transient here?

Muay Thai Exorcism
"Kix McGee" Ong Daengsri(Senatorial Office) vs. Yamikuro
Yamikuro, a recent addition to the PEWA roster faces Daengsri, who has been a constant on the last few Office shows. The latter came to the PEWA with a great deal of hype surrounding her mysterious ways, while Daengsri blends her traditional Muay Thai with Thiago Gracie trained Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.



News for the Senatorial Office and PEWA: Bingo Politics

-Approximate time for the event should be around 8:00 PM (CT), and will be broadcast on the Senatorial Office's streaming service.
www.twitch.tv/senatorphillips

-There will be a ranking update for the Office following the PEWA show, with Cowboy Johnston guaranteed a #1 spot due to his match with Tomas from Lariats and Legislators #3.

-Morgan "Midas" Matthews has reiterated his goal to increase outside involvement in the Senatorial Office. The upcoming L&L show already has two matches confirmed with ZIP Japan talent, but rumor has it that there might be more opportunities for outside contracted talent to gain a spot on the show.

-Dangerous Nicholas Alger and Thiago Gracie have confirmed that they are looking for talent for their American Combat Shoot Style organization.

-With the surprise appearance of Felix Santana Jr, Santana Family Wrestling has made its first move in cooperation with the Office. Word has it that a full compliment of talent will be available in the coming months. As it is, the Senatorial Office will work well, considering that SFW only runs one show a month in the Dominican Republic, and has more time to share talent. A partial confirmed list of SFW talent that will be made available can be seen below:
-Felix Santana Jr.
-Felix Santana Sr.
-Felix Santana III
-Felice Santana
-Diego "Cool Flame" Santana
-El Froggy Mask
-Killer King Jones

---

-A short press conference was held in front of Pat's King of Steaks with both teams in the Crew Carnage main event for PEWA: Bingo Politics. Each side stood at its own opposing podium, with a small crowd gathered around.

Biff Taylor: I'm here to announce that my badass team of dudes and dudettes is ready to rock 'n roll! Senator, you did my main man Tomas wrong, and now it's our chance to get some payback here! You're on our turf, our rules, last team standing!

Senator Steve Phillips: Likewise, I wish to introduce my own team of battle hardened warriors. Many may believe that the Senatorial Office lacks the grit or the edge to compete in this match with the hardcore ruffians of the PEWA. But it is my own opinion that they will be proven wrong once that bell rings.

Cowboy Johnston: Yer damn straight, Senator Phillips! We ain't backin' down, we ain't scared of gettin' busted open, an' we ain't scared of none of y'all! Come get yer lariats! But ah'll tell each 'n ev'ry one of y'all that anyone who busts Hailey open answers to this!

Johnston rolls up his sleeve and flexes his biceps.

Tomas the Tiny Giant: the tiny giant was wronged by the office of senator, but NOW IS THE TIME FOR REVENGE, RETRIBUTION, RENEWAL, RANCOR AND OTHERS THINGS STARTING WITH 'R'! maybe ripping, rotting, recking...that's not 'r'...

Hailey Comet: People think I'm just a pretty, flippy wrestler, but I'll prove them wrong here! PEWA, you want a shot at Cowboy, you gotta deal with the Southern Fireball, too!

Luke Powers: They didn't tell me I had to be in this match, I told Biff that they needed ME! I told Biff that he needed the PEWA Extreme champ on his side! I told Biff that I'm ready to Powers Bomb the entire Senatorial Office! You think you can match my strength? You think you can match my ability? Just try me, I'm begging you, just try me!

Mina Fitsharris: Um, I'm gonna kick their asses worse than they're gonna kick mine. And Juliette Erving is a cokehead!

Juliette Erving: Takes one to know one, is that right, Mina?

Mina: Hey, shut your coke whore mouth, Erving!

Juliette: Maybe you're just so strunnnng out here that you'll eliminate yourself or something!

Mina: Whatever, just don't run into a pair of MY BRASS KNUCKS!

Juliette: Wait, wait, wait, you think I want to run into you? You're just pissed that you know I could show you a better time than that weaksauce husband of yours!

Mina: Go give yourself a better time!

Both Fitsharris and Erving jump at each other from their respective podium, but are respectively caught by Senator Phillips and Luke Powers, while Biff takes the microphone again on his side.

Biff: Woah, woah, woah! Let's save this for the ring! Wednesday, February first, first ever PEWA, Senatorial Office crossover event! Crew Carnage in the main event, four versus four elimination, no DQ, no countout, no mercy! Be there, or be square!

Bumping the show up by an hour, should be starting around 7:00 PM (CT) if everything goes right.

---


Fast Eddie's Fast Picks for PEWA: Bingo Politics
By "Fast" Eddie Edison

The PEWA and the Senatorial Office are usually good partners, but after a controversial decision at the last Lariats and Legislators concerning jointly-contracted Tomas, PEWA president Biff Taylor wanted to settle things the way he likes best; in the ring! This looks to be an exciting, if violent event, bringing the talent of the Senatorial Office into the hardcore realm of the PEWA. Here's my Fast Picks for Bingo Politics, with my winners in bold as always.

"Kix McGee" Ong Daengsri(Senatorial Office) vs. Yamikuro
-Kix got some kicks! She's just got too much for the ghostly Yamikuro to deal with.

Hobo Harry vs. Jimmy Jack Walker(Senatorial Office)
-Picking with the Office again! Hobo Harry is a respected hardcore legend, but Walker's got some unreal toughness with his drunken ways.

Fred the Red(Senatorial Office) vs. Bath Salts Zombie
I should have flipped a coin here, but the truth is that the Zombie can't even focus enough to sign his name, let alone win a match. He'll bust Fred open, though, and I'll bet real money on that.

Strong Style Royalty (Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammmdi(Senatorial Office), G.P. Christopher) vs. The Goodfellas(Eddie the Wire, Tony the Rod)
-Going with the PEWA this time, the Goodfellas are too seasoned, too experienced, and too solid a team to lose to Mehrmohammdi and Christopher.

The Neon Knights(Supernaut, Holy Diver)(Senatorial Office) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Rampage Rage, Skullface Killah)(c)
-Yes, this went the other way around the last time they faced, but the Bingos are too big, too tough, and too nasty to lose to the Knights again...and they have titles on the line now.

Team PEWA (Tomas the Tiny Giant, Luke Powers, Juliette Erving, Biff Taylor) vs. Team Senatorial Office (Cowboy Johnston, Senator Steve Phillips, Mina Fitsharris, Hailey Comet)
-If I said that I was making this pick with any confidence, I'd be lying! You can't predict a riot! But I just think that head to head, the Office would take this one either three out of four or sweep the PEWA people, so although I'll probably be proven wrong, I'm going with the Office here.

And there you have it! Fast Eddie's Fast Picks, giving you the predictions you wanted at the speed you need!

A major league thanks to everyone who showed up and made this show an enjoyable one to stream! Even if I did botch the stream at one point, accidentally letting my laptop run out of juice and having to restart...

---


Muay Thai Exorcism
"Kix McGee" Ong Daengsri(Senatorial Office) vs. Yamikuro
The difference in styles was apparent from the start, with the Thai kickboxer showing a straight ahead striking approach compared to Yamikuro's unorthodox assault. While Yamikuro seemed to hold strong earlier on, Daengsri's legwork was surely taking a toll. In the end, it was a chokeslam from Yamikuro that did the trick, however.

Winos and Whiskey
Hobo Harry vs. Jimmy Jack Walker(Senatorial Office)
Hobo Harry took control in the early going, hitting basic counters and remaining unphased by his former student's drunken antics. He was all too happy to walk the ropes, landing double stomps and working the arm over, while Walker repeatedly ran into the turnbuckle. An early Hobosault almost ended it, but it would go on for another five minutes before a second one finished the match.

Paint the Town Red
Fred the Red(Senatorial Office) vs. Bath Salts Zombie
The Zombie bit Fred open from the bell, brought in a light tube and wreaked general havoc. This continued for the first five to eight minutes, until Fred finally started turning the tide with a huge ripcord knee and the Shankly Special. Unfortunately, that was not to last, as the Masked Maniac III called an end due to back mount punches.

The Made Men vs. The Young Lions
Strong Style Royalty (Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammmdi(Senatorial Office), G.P. Christopher) vs. The Goodfellas(Eddie the Wire, Tony the Rod)
The Goodfellas controlled the match from the start, as expected. Tony the Rod in particular worked over his foes, forcing multiple tags. The Wire went for a Super Wire Cutter at one point, but GP Christopher flipped out of it and made a much needed tag. The match seemed in the bag for the Goodfellas for a while, but Christopher held on, hitting a big Shining Wizard, diving rana and superkick to come back. In the end, GPC had the Rod in trouble in the corner, hitting a moonsault, but Tony the Rod recovered with a quick horizontal cradle for the win.

PEWA Extreme Tag Titles: Elimination Tag
The Neon Knights(Supernaut, Holy Diver)(Senatorial Office) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Rampage Rage, Skullface Killah)(c)
The Knights got off to a good start, wtih Supernaut forcing a tag early on, with Holy Diver doing the same for Rampage Rage. A big double team brought the Mutants right back into the game, and Skullface's return was a game changer. The feed was temporarily interrupted, but came back without much having happened. Both teams were still trading moves evenly, until Supernaut made a total mess out of Skullface with a series of diving attacks and an Asai DDT. He continued his attack by hitting a Spiral Architect and a quick rollup on Rampage for the win. A chokeslam from Skullface however would even the sides out. Holy Diver was super determined to carry out the win, landing multiple Holy Diving Headbutts, a big splash, but it was a quick pin near the ropes that finally finished off the big man to set the Neon Knights as PEWA Extreme Tag champions.

PEWA vs. Senatorial Office - Crew Carnage Match
Team PEWA (Tomas the Tiny Giant, Luke Powers, Juliette Erving, Biff Taylor) vs. Team Senatorial Office (Cowboy Johnston, Senator Steve Phillips, Mina Fitsharris, Hailey Comet)
This match started out as expected, with total carnage! Juliette Erving went for a groin claw on the Senator early on. Tomas was the first to bleed, surprisingly enough. The Office seemed to have the better part of the match ahead of the ten minute mark, landing a few more big moves than their opponents, but in the maelstrom, it was not so simple to make such a call. Biff Taylor was the first one eliminated, and the eliminations kept coming. Tomas was eliminated by a Midnight Special KO from Mina, who danced afterwards, and Luke Powers followed shortly after a Washington Lariat. Mina happily busted Juliette Erving open, and a brutal four on one beatdown was about to ensue, until Hailey Comet pinned her with a victory roll.

Following the main event, the crowd was strong enough that Biff Taylor and Senator Steve Phillips decided that they deserved a bit extra. Seeing that the Capitalists and several Santana Family Wrestling representatives were in attendance with their gear, there were two more matches added after the main card.


Bonus Match
El Froggy Mask vs. Kevin Fitsharris
El Froggy Mask made his Office affiliated debut against Fitsharris, who was attending to support his wife. Froggy was clearly the better man for the first five minutes, his athleticism and lucha skills giving him an advantage. Around 14 minutes, Froggy got a near fall with the Hop, only for Fitsharris to hit a lgihtning leg lariat for his own. A diving blockbuster to the outside gave Fitsharris some surprising momentum, and it seemed that this could now go either way...until Froggy managed to hit a huge 450 splash for the win.

Bonus Match #2
Felix Santana Jr. vs Anthony Kalb
Kalb looked strong in this one, dominating the early match, and landing many lariats. The match seemed in hand for Kalb early on, as he hit more lariats, and an Adam Smith Driver in the ropes, but when the match went on the outside, Felix found his opening. The Santana Ace hit suplexes and the Proof of Greatness on the hardwood, and managed to end the match with a diving rana pin.

Shortly after PEWA - Bingo Politics, both teams held brief, separate press conferences, here's some of the highlights:

Senator Steve Phillips: Thank you all for hosting us, I must thank Biff Taylor for his generous offer. It is not often that a business conflict becomes a literal conflict, and even more rare that such a conflagration becomes a net positive. I believe Bingo Politics showed the outright talent of the PEWA roster, the undercard demonstrated their depth, and nobody can argue that the Bingo Hall Mutants are one of the best teams in the industry. I also want to issue a brief thanks to the Capitalists, Felix Santana Jr. and El Froggy Mask for so generously agreeing to put on two more matches after the show was over. The fans were tremendous, and deserved some added entertainment.

Cowboy Johnston: Cain't say I did much of anythin' here tonight, but ah can say we won this as a team! That makes me one big happy Cowboy! Senator threw some of the ol' lariats, Mina was the all around scary crazy force a' nature that we all know she can be, an' I'm so proud of Hailey fer steppin' up, an' makin' a big diff'rence here tonight! Hell, she didn't even get her pretty face cut up by those maniacs! So yeah, good night, good times, an' ah'm just gonna say that after this, anyone wanna find me over at Brickette's or Prospector's, ah'll be happy to buy some drinks for y'all, Office, or PEWA!

Hailey Comet: Told y'all I was gonna prove myself here! Some folks *cough*dad*cough* didn't think I belonged in a PEWA ring, but y'all saw the results. Lotta respect for the PEWA, though, and I'll be there too with my main man Cowboy wherever he's goin' to hang out after this! All y'all invited too!

Mina Fitsharris: Ok, Senator told me to keep this PG-13 or something, but I don't give a flying fu-

Senator: Mina...

Mina: Whatever, Sennie! So anyway, before the man in the suit so rudely interrupted me, I just wanted to give a shout out to coke whore Julie over there! I know she'll hear this if she isn't busy getting checked for a concussion and syphilis or something! And if you're listening now, Julie, I just want to say this: you sure talked a lot of shit leading into...

Senator: And I believe that will be enough for now! Thank you all for being gracious hosts, and I hope we can do this again sometime soon!

---

Biff Taylor: Well, dudes and dudettes, gotta say that the ol' Biffmeister let you all down out there in the Crew Carnage match. But them's the breaks. Tomas, Luke, you both did what you could do, and Juliette, kid, you got some guts stickin' it out as our last remaining survivor. But if I got anything else to say, it's that it was a good time steppin' in the ring with the Senatorial Office. We had a beef, we settled it, no more problems. The PEWA is still happy to be a strong partner of the Office, and I think this only made our bond stronger, like J-B Weld stronger!

Tomas the Tiny Giant: tomas does not like being the loser. tomas does not like losing matches, no i do not like to lose, and tomas has lost to the cowboy too many times now, and tomas has lost to that little devil girl mina too many times too, and there were no light tubes from the tiny giant which makes tomas a very angry tiny giant who does not want...

Luke Powers: Awww, shuddup with that crying, Tomas! You pick your skinny ass up now, 'cause next time we have an event here, you got a match with the Powerhouse! You want to cry about losing! Keep it up! Just means I got an easy match when I put my Extreme title on the line! But you wanna give me a challenge, bring it right on over, you hear me, bruh? I lost too! But I ain't crying! I'm learning from this one, like I always have every time I fall down, I just jump back up a step higher, and that's why I'm the champ!

Juliette Erving: Piss off.

---

This speaks for itself.

Two promos run by Santana Family Wrestling for the Day After Independence! main event.
All <bracketed> speech is translated from Spanish.

A message from Felix Santana Sr.

Felix Sr: <It is my pleasure to speak to all of you today concerning my very special main event coming up on February 28. On this day, I am proud to team with my good friend El Froggy Mask, with Hobo Harry of the Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance and with Jean-Pierre Mutombo of the Senatorial Office. Each of these individuals brings their own unique contribution to the ring, and I know in my warrior's heart that they will be of great assistance in the battle that comes on February 28.>

Senior waves a finger at the camera.

Felix Sr: <But I also must issue a word of warning to the members of the Rudo Army. You may not like how things are run around here. You may not appreciate the time-honored traditions of the Santana family. And I believe you think that taking the shortcut is the best way. It would be insulting the intelligence of the people to think that you do not share a terrible contempt for them and their preferences. Individually, you have grievances with me because I do not see out of you what you see of yourselves. Poison Froggy Mask, you are but a bright colored imitation of the real deal! El Hijo de Macchiato thinks he is waking the world, but nobody wants to smell your rancid coffee! Killer King Jones....I'll let that one go for now.>

Felix Sr: <But the one that hurts the most, the one that inflames my fighting spirit, the one that makes me want to vomit just thinking about it, is my very own grandson, Felix Santana III! Tres! You have all the ability in the world, all the advantage of being a Santana, but you turn your back on your flesh and blood! You stomped on my back after we teamed together on the last show! You then take your grandfather and suplexed him into the turnbuckle! You renounced your traditions! You said you wanted a better way! But I tell you now, you made a grave mistake! I may be old, oh yes, your grandfather has been around for a long time, but I am not infirm! And I tell you again, my friends and I do things the right way! We come from different traditions, but we uphold what we came from! We are not copies, we are not no-accounts, we are not jokes and we are not traitors to our lineage! Come find out on Feburary 28 just what happens when you stab family in the back! I will see you there, at the Pedro Santana Auditorium!>

A message from Team Rudo Army

El Hijo de Macchiato: <Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake up! Our friend Felix III has truly woken up and he has smelled the coffee! He has seen the light! He has joined our cause! He knows that we of the Rudo Army fight the injustice! We fight the man who holds us back! And now we have a powerful new warrior on our side! More than ever, I am awaaaaaaaaaake!>

Poison Froggy Mask: <There will be no mistake. Felix Santana Sr's days are coming to a close. And it will be the venom of the Poison Froggy Mask that helps to bring him down. And then Santana Family Wrestling will finally see a day where the best are rewarded. No longer will the inferior get by because of their name, or because of the love of the fans. The time comes soon for the best to rise to the top, and to break the hold of the establishment.>

Killer King Jones: <I'm King Killer Jones! Are you scared me! Because the heads of the four Continents have been to me, I cut in it to be feared; I am a mountain man? Happy looked older miss! I will drag you underwater and eat a reef!> Aww, man, I can't speak Spanish worth anything...

Felix Santana III: <Are you scared now? Do you see your legacy crumbling in front of your own eyes, Gramps? Because that's exactly what's happening! You wanted to keep me down and make me pay my dues, doing things your way. But I don't do things your way! The old family style needed to change, and I tried for years to change it with you, but you wouldn't listen! Now, I'm going to do things my way! If I have to break you to break the old ways, that's exactly what I'm gonna do! And then, when my father finally gets the courage, I'm going to face him, and I'm going to take his Dominican Golden Championship off his waist. I'm going to bring that title, and the Santanas, and the SFW into the here and now, where it belongs, even if I have to suplex it right out of the past to do so!>



Senatorial Office News for 2-26

-Thiago Gracie and Dangerous Nicholas Alger are close to officially announcing their side project: Universal Combat Shoot Style, a hybrid pro wrestling / martial arts based organization run by the two veteran fighters. UCSS will feature members of the Senatorial Office including Ong Daengsri, Ruthless Nicole Alger and Masa Tokugawa, and will hold matches held under the same rules the Alger/Tokugawa Full Contact Martial Arts ruleset from Lariats & Legislators #1, with three five minute rounds, and pinfall, submission and knockout all serving as conditions for victory. UCSS will initially feature its bouts on the undercard of Office shows, but looks to become a separate entity in the future.

-The Outside Expansion Project of the Office has been seen as a major positive for the organization since Morgan "Midas" Matthews made a push to institute it. There are rumors of a possible tag team tournament following Lariats and Legislators #4 pairing Office affiliated wrestlers with outside talent, but as of now, this only remains as a rumor.

-There are strong rumors circulating that Senator Steve Phillips is looking to step further back from active competition, but an outright retirement is not likely to take place anytime soon.

-Expect a big push for the Desert Mirage, Ibrahim Rahman in the upcoming months. As the first Golden Touch Promotions recruited talent on the roster, Rahman has the full support of Midas Matthews and has impressed the rest of the senior staff in recent workouts. Head Office trainer "Textbook" Tim Dwight has been quoted as saying "Rahman is one of the most talented mat wrestlers I have seen, perhaps the single most impressive mat wrestler I have ever worked with. He might be quiet, he might be a bit unorthodox in his approach and he might not be as flashy as some of the more popular grapplers out there, but he can get it done as well as anyone."

-A rankings update will be posted following Day After Independence, instead of waiting for Lariats and Legislators #4, with Office management stating that while the Honda-Johnston match will determine the top spot, there are many lower slots on the rankings that are hotly contested, and that it would be unfair to make the rest of the roster wait until L&L.

-Speaking of Lariats and Legislators #4, the word is coming out that the Office is seriously considering expanding it into a two day event, thanks to the amount of important matches that are necessarily included. Some have said that the first day of the card will be titled "Prelude" and will feature title matches for both the PEWA and Santana Family Wrestling.

---

Fast Eddie's Fast Picks for Santana Touring Festival, February '18: Day After Independence!
By "Fast" Eddie Edison

Santana Family Wrestling has been around for over forty years, and is rightfully proud of it. The group, based out of the Dominican Republic, has now affiliated itself with the Senatorial Office, and their first joint-affair will be held this Wednesday. This one promises to bring some fast paced, high flying thrills, and an interesting main event for the Office and the PEWA as well. As always, my picks are in bold.

Margarita Morales vs. Opaque
Going with Morales here, she's just got too much for Opaque to handle, and her submission game is exceptional.

Special Exhibition Match: Monster Fight!
Canadian Grizzly vs. Derpzilla(BDW)
Always hate voting against an outsider, but I'm doing it here, simply because wearing a bear head has to be less fatiguing than wearing a full worn out Godzilla suit.

Strong Style Showcase
Diego Santana vs. G.P. Christopher(PEWA)
GPC may be the best worker in the world. He's going to have his hands full, but in the end, I think he has too much energy for Diego to deal with.

Special Exhibition Match: Father and Daughter Combat!
Felix Santana Jr. and Felice Santana vs. Mega Meat(Wrestle Parade) and Besos(Wrestle Parade)
Much as I love Felix Santana Jr, I can never, ever vote against Mega Meat as long as he can still pull off those gravity defying 'ranas. Besos shouldn't be underestimated, either, and I think her psych out games outmatch Felice's superb agility.

Main Event: Combined Arms
Felix Santana Sr, El Froggy Mask, Jean-Pierre Mutombo(Senatorial Office), and Hobo Harry(PEWA) vs. Felix Santana III, Poison Froggy Mask, El Hijo de Macchiato and Killer King Jones
I think Jean-Pierre is the difference maker here. He's the best man in this match, flat out, and a bona fide star in the making.

Well, there you have it! Fast Eddie's Fast Picks, giving you all the predictions you wanted at the speed you need!

A message from Felix Santana Sr:

Felix Sr: Hola! This is Felix Santana Sr, and I am here to remind all wrestling fans that Santana Family Wrestling and the Senatorial Office are bringing the Santana Touring Festival February '18: Day After Independence! to one and all tonight at 7:00 PM, in the Central Time Zone! Come catch us at the provided link!

Senatorial Office Live Streaming!

Felix Sr: There will be great matches! I'm taking on my traitorous grandson and his friends in an eight man tag match for the main event, and I've brought along some friends of my own like El Froggy Mask, Jean-Pierre Mutombo of the Office and Hobo Harry of the PEWA! We have Besos and Mega Meat from Wrestle Parade taking on my son and my granddaughter! We have the infamous terror, Derpzilla from BDW fighting the Canadian Grizzly! And so much more! Come enjoy the show, 7:00 tonight on the Senatorial Streaming Service!


Senatorial Office Live Streaming!

Santana Touring Festival: February '18 - Day After Independence! Results


Bonus Match
Felix Santana Sr. vs. Felix Santana III
The fight started in earnest here, no dq, no countout, and with both combatants keeping their teams at ringside. Senior started out surprisingly strong stretching III out, and holding his own on his feet. Soon, however, III would answer with repeated suplexes, and a huge fireman carry slam in the early going. While Senior may have started well, III did not hold back, even throwing his grandfather out of the ring...where he staged a bit of a comeback, repeatedly whipping III into the guardrails and countering with basic atttacks. Back in the ring, Senior managed to take control for a bit, landing a big palm strike, kicking out of a fireman carry slam and even locking in a Santana Surfboard for a second. Senior hit a Santana Special, but III got a foot on the ropes right as Domingo went to call the pin. As the two continued, III caught Senior...in a Santana Special for the win. After the match, III proclaimed "<I can do your traditional crap just as well as you.>"



Main Event: Combined Arms
Felix Santana Sr, El Froggy Mask, Jean-Pierre Mutombo(Senatorial Office), and Hobo Harry(PEWA) vs. Felix Santana III, Poison Froggy Mask, El Hijo de Macchiato and Killer King Jones
The tags were fast and furious in the first eight minutes of this, and it was looking to become an excellent match...until the Rudo army trapped Jean-Pierre outside the ring, and beat him down bad enough to miss the 20 count back into the ring. Afterwards, Felix Senior challenged his grandson: "<You want to play games? Fine, see if you can beat me right here, right now, hand to hand, one on one!>"


Special Exhibition Match: Father and Daughter Combat!
Felix Santana Jr. and Felice Santana vs. Mega Meat(Wrestle Parade)(Hana) and Besos(Wrestle Parade)(Hana)
This match started off with the Santana father and daughter team taking an early home field advantage over the Wrestle Parade duo. Felix Jr and Besos seemed to share the ring the most in the early going, with the Dominican Golden Champion eventually tagging his daughter back in. Felice then went roughshod on both opponents, landing moonsaults and shooting stars and a huge avalanche rana on Mega Meat, but eventually, it came back again to Felix and Besos. The teams fought on, but when the end came, it came in spectacular fashion, with Felice Santana going berserk after Besos KOed Felix Jr, answering with a thunderous Santana Sky for the ages that ended up KOing the kiss happy luchadora.



Strong Style Showcase
Diego Santana vs. G.P. Christopher(PEWA)
Fast paced action from the bell, counter after counter from these two workrate machines, with nary a second for catching one's breath. The two ran the ropes at high speed and executed perfect back switches and flying armdrags for much of the first five minutes. Diego finally hit ht efirst big move of the match around nine minutes, with a big combination strike attack, and a diving knee drop off the top. The two went at it on the outside following a Diego suicide dive, with GPC hitting a superkick, and Diego answering with the Diego Driver. GPC answered that back in the ring with a big moonsault for a near fall. Finally, a vicious chop rush and huge shining wizard from GPC won the match to put a capstone on one heck of a sprint.



Special Exhibition Match: Monster Fight!
Derpzilla(BDW) vs. Canadian Grizzly
Derpzilla wasted no time going for the fire breath right from the start. He went for it a lot. And by a lot, I do mean a lot. Grizzly, on the other hand, had trouble with his opponent's size. Finally, at 6:35, the fire breath connected! Mark that on your calendars. It also hit at 7:05, and I stopped keeping track after that. Finally, roasted toasted bear happened when the fire breath became too much for the man in a bear head, and he passed out.


Margarita Morales vs. Opaque
Two of SFW's top women faced off here, both not showing much in the early going, both afraid to take any risks. Around eight minutes, Morales started picking it up, having gotten the best of Opaque on the mat, and unleashing her agile kicks. Opaque would not go quietly into the night, though, landing falllaway slams and a huge diving rana to stay in it. A big Thesz Press almost netted Morales the win, with Opaque fighting back again with fallaway slams, even on the outside, but in the end a Triangle Lancer did the trick for Morales.

Match of the Night: GP Christopher vs. Diego Santana
-Easy choice, these two went off like a stick of dynamite from the start and didn't let up until the end.
Performer of the Night: Felice Santana
-Felice showed up strong, delivering a relentless series of flips and putting Besos away with the Santana Sky to end a very competitive tag match. Her future is bright.



The promo below might be of interest, if I do say so myself.


Thanks for the feedback! I know you'll eventually be able to make it out to a Senatorial show, even if I have to book one after a ZIP show on purpose to make it happen. One day, it'll happen, one day...

---

Senator Steve Phillips's office in the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center is packed jam full. Biff Taylor of the PEWA, the Capitalists, Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris, Cowboy Johnston, Thiago Gracie, Dangerous Nicholas Alger, co-promoter Morgan "Midas" Matthews, and his two ever present associates, Irkalla and Persephone are all standing around the room, while Felix Santana Sr. is seen on a teleconference screen at the side of the desk.

Senator Steve Phillips: Lariats and Legislators #4 is going to be our largest event to date. I want to thank all of you for showing up here on short notice, and I want to make this brief. Felix, thank you for taking the time to make this call from the Dominican, and I shall start with you. The Dominican Golden Championship has been around even longer than SFW, and was once held by your father, Roberto. It is my understanding that you wish it to be defended at L&L, am I correct?

Felix Santana Sr: Si, senor! My son Felix Jr. has been the best champion I could ever hope for. With my grandson, Felix III making threats and demands on my company, he challenged his own father for the belt! I said, you will learn a lesson you will never forget if you go through with it! And therefore, I want this match to be on your show!

Senator: And it will be done. Thank you for your time, Felix, and I hope you can work everything out within your family. Now, I have another promoter in this room, Biff Taylor of the PEWA.

Biff Taylor: The one and only, dudes, and dudettes!

Senator: You yourself have a title match you want to promote for my show. Tomas the Tiny Giant has been aiming at the PEWA Extreme title of Luke Powers for some time now, and you wish this to be on my card, correct?

Biff: You bet your bottom dollar I do! Powers wants a challenge, Tomas wants more belts, Biff wants to spread the word of PEWA around the world, Senator Phillips wants the best on his show, it's a natural sorta deal to make!

Senator: Agreed. Now, Mr. Alger, Mr. Gracie, you two have an announcement?

Thiago Gracie: Yes. It is announcement of Thiago that Universal Combat Shoot Style is start soon. Pro Wrestling, the martial arts, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, armbars, all will be part of the UCSS. And the UCSS Openweight title will begin at Lariats.

Dangerous Nicholas Alger: And I'll be the crazy headcase running it. The UCSS is sorta the child of Thiago and I. We'll be running this thing out of the Office to begin with, matches held under hybrid rules, with the aim of having something with a different flavor on the shows, pure competition, pure technique, straight up fighting. And the first Openweight champion will be decided in a match between Thiago and I at L&L. Figure we'll set the standard for the others to reach. And if we get this rolling, we'll start our own shows, too.

Senator: A commendable goal. Thank you for your time, and I appreciate you all making your way over here for these announcements. Lariats and Legislators #4 will be an event for the ages, and that, my friends is nothing...but the truth.

Biff Taylor, Thiago Gracie and Dangerous Nicholas Alger all file out of the room, and the Capitalists carry the video screen out behind them. Phillips looks up at Johnston, who remains standing next to his desk.

Senator: Is there something you need, Cowboy?

Cowboy Johnston: You're damn straight there is!

Senator: Well, what?

Cowboy: You saw it!

Senator: Spell it out.

Cowboy: That dungsucking city slicker Belmonte an' his pack of cowards wanna take a shot at me, at us!

Senator: We will be more than ready to welcome them if they try.

Cowboy: Way ah see it, that ain't gonna make for the sorta justice I wanna dish out! They go ov'r to Phoenix Risin' an' kicked the piss outta Firehawk Sentarl, waited til' he was bum tired an' alone an' then they struck like a pack a' wild dogs. That didn't sit well by me or my buddy Lance over there, told them ah had their back. Belmonte then...

Senator: I am well aware of what he said. Shame we already have the biggest match of your career lined up for the show, or I would be happy to make this an exhibition for the ages.

Morgan "Midas" Matthews: And Crusher Honda will receive the opportunity she so sorely deserves. I would almost believe that this whole....situation was something you manufactured to save Mr. Johnston from losing his spot to her, if I didn't know better.

Senator: Are you making an...

Midas: Oh no! Not at all! Just an observation. And I want to issue a warning, that Miss Honda, nor my other charge, Mr. Rahman will be allowed to involve themselves in the defense of any other members of the roster against outside attacks. That would be, of course, the job of event security, should you properly pay for it.

Senator: What a craven, self-serving statement!

Midas: My primary goal is to protect the careers of the people who signed them over to my direction. Is that selfish, or is that the essence of duty?

Cowboy: Ya know what? Ah don't care! Belmonte an' his boys wanna show up, they'll do it no matter what! An' I ain't gonna turn down a match with Honda, ya hear me, Midas? Read mah lips: ah...ain't...scared! But like ah was sayin' Belmonte wants a shot, no matter how that match goes down, ah'll stick around afterwards. Ah' ain't gonna be hard t' find!

Senator: Not smart.

Cowboy: Don't really care!

Midas: You know, Mister Johnston, Senator Phillips might have a point here.

Cowboy: An' my point is that ah ain't gonna be stupid 'bout this! Not gonna be the only one out there, after all. Belmonte! Ya ain't the only one round who got friends! Wanna bring yours? Ah'll bring mine! Ah got people who got mah back, who ain't 'fraid of hurtin' people real good!

Senator: And one of those friends would be me. Josh Belmonte, you threatned my company, and you threatened my top ranked worker, the Office's number one draw. But worse than that, you happened to threaten a good man, someone I have a high degree of respect for. If Cowboy Johnston would listen to me, I would ensure that you would not come within fifty yards of him, or my venue. But you see, a red-blooded Texan like Cowboy is not going to back down from a challenge, no matter how foolish. You call him out, he will come to you if need be. He is not going to back down from your threats. And truthfully, neither will I. You declared war on another good man in Firehawk Sentarl. You isolated him at a weak moment, and you extracted a terrible statement from the pain you inflicted upon his weary body. But your statement did not have its desired effect. You did not strike fear into our hearts. You did not force us into hiding. Instead, we will meet your threat with a promise. I promise you this: unlike Phoenix Rising, the Senatorial Office will be ready when you roll into town. We will never back down, we will never relent. Bring your worst, and we will show you our best. And that, sir, is nothing...but the truth.

The initial card for Lariats & Legislators #4 has been released. Expect this event to take place over two days in mid-March. Some matches have been changed from the initial expected card, with Felix Jr. being replaced by Masa Tokugawa in Ibrahim Rahman's debut match, as to take on his son, Felix III in defending the Dominican Golden Championship. There are a few more matches expected to be added to the card in upcoming weeks, but the main foundation is expected to stay the same.

---
DAY ONE
---
Santana Family Wrestling: Dominican Golden Championship Title Match
Felix Santana Jr.(c) vs. Felix Santana III

Philadelphia Extreme Wrestling Alliance: PEWA Extreme Title
Luke Powers(c) vs. Tomas

Universal Combat Shoot Style: UCSS Openweight Title Inaugural Match
Thiago Gracie vs. Dangerous Nicholas Alger

Win to Fight Stanford!
The Patriarch, Wataru Nakajima(ZIP Japan) vs. Bath Salts Zombie

Strong Style vs. Fresh Style Exhibition Showcase
G.P. Christopher vs. C.J Fresh(SHTCW)(Will)

---
DAY TWO
---

Main Event, Senatorial Office Top Rank Determining Match
Cowboy Johnston w/ Hailey Comet vs. "Murder Train" Crusher Honda w/ Morgan "Midas" Matthews, Persephone, Irkalla

Grudge War
Mina Fitsharris vs. Juliette Erving

Desert Apocalypse
Masa Tokugawa vs. the Desert Mirage, Ibrahim Rahman

Sign of the Southern Rednecks
Neon Knights(Supernaut, Holy Diver) vs. Redneck Warriors(Jimmy Jack Walker, White Trash)(ZIP Japan)


---

Just a reminder that Office Party #9 is going to take place tomorrow night after ZIP Japan Joshi Climax, which itself will be at 9:00 EST, featuring the semi-finals and finals of the inaugural ZIP Joshi championship tournament and a huge, long awaited championship bout in which the dominant champion GORO faces off against the fearsome Demon Otsu. Don't miss either show!



Fast Eddie's Fast Picks for Office Party #9
By "Fast" Eddie Edison
Providing a roadbump between now and the upcoming mega show, Lariats and Legislators #4: Johnston vs. Honda(ed. name's getting pretty long there...), the latest in the Office Party series gives us multiple matches featuring Wacker Drive Revival and Santana Family Wrestling standouts. This one's stacked up and down the card, add a few undercard matches and an exhibition, and this could practically end up serving as a full L&L show!

Main Event
Jean-Pierre Mutombo and El Froggy Mask vs. El Hijo de Macchiato and Poison Froggy Mask
The current champion of Monday Night Wrestling, and arguably SFW's most popular wrestler? Put me down on their side for this one, no questions asked!

Blues and Blood
The Blue Notes(Big Robert Montgomery, Eiji "Jay" Sato) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Skullface Killah, Rampage Rage)
Sorry, but the Mutants are just too big and bad for the Blue Notes. I call Rampage crushing Sato with a huge Splash of Rage from the top rope.

Sparrow vs. Axe
The Soaring Sparrow, Rumika Hashi vs. The Croatian Axe, Minerva Markovic
Hashi just has more to offer than the Axe, and while Markovic's kickboxing pedigree is stronger than Hashi's, she doesn't have much to offer against Hashi's lucharesu high flying.

The D-Team vs. The PEWA Originals
The D-Team(Mr. Moonsault, Daunte Thomas, Freight Train McMichaelson) vs. The PEWA Originals(Hobo Harry, Killer King Jones, Bodybreaker Brown)
I think this'll be over quickly, probably by way of a KO issued by the D-Man, Daunte Thomas. The D-Team is just too formidable in this sort of match to pick against them.

Well, there you have it! Fast Eddie's Fast Picks, giving you all the predictions you wanted at the speed you need!


One final reminder that you can catch ZIP Japan around 9:00 PM(ET), followed by the Senatorial Office directly afterwards tonight, with the customary boxing match to warm things up. And depending on who shows up, I might even have an extra special exhibition for the main event...

---

[Footage taken from the weight room at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center, home of the Senatorial Office]

At the start of the clip, we see everyone's (least) favorite extreme narcissistic bodybuilder, Adonis Avery Alexander performing an endless series of modified dumbbell curls in front of a mirror, taking his time to admire the flexion of his muscles in painstaking detail. Just as he almost reaches a perfect pose a massive grunt echoes through the building, followed by a violent crash. Alexander whips around to see his old rival, Gary Gear dropping a loaded barbell following a max set of clean and press.

Gary Gear: YEAH! The Muscle Machine! Fear Gary Gear!

Adonis Avery Alexander: You bulked up bum, knock all that racket off over there, I'm trying to get a real workout in, you know, an unassisted workout, or if you want me to be real clear, no PEDs, no BS!

Gear: Shut up, sissy boy, you ain't even liftin' over there! Just some little girly stuff while I build pure power!

Adonis: Don't make me laugh? You look like you can't even put on your own pants in the morning! You're bulked beyond function, I'm built like a Greek God! I'm a Triple A athlete, high jump, long jump, hurdles, the 40, I did it all at a high level! I look perfect, and my body is tuned like a Swiss clock! You look like the bloated caricature of a gorilla! Hey, Gary, Darwin called and said you didn't catch the message when it came time to evolve!

Gear: I'll break you in two, you little twerp, you say you can run, but you can't hide! I catch you once, just once, and you're in pieces! I'm a force of nature and science! Hard work, chemicals and genetics!

Adonis: When's the last time you won a match, anyway? All that talk, and no results. You hardly even get booked?

Gear: Only reason you get booked is because Senator likes seeing the girls on the roster kick your pretty boy ass, like Valerie did.

Adonis: Um, Valerie's legit. She lives the builder life.

Gear: Hah! You lost to a girl!

Adonis: You want to fight Crusher Honda?

Gear: ...uh...no.

Adonis: Yeah, don't have anything to say there, do you?

Gear: What the hell we arguing about anyway? Both of us sorta ain't doing so well around here, if we wanna be honest.

Adonis: As much as I despise agreeing with you...you're right.

Gear: Neither of us gettin' ranked any time soon.

Adonis: Unless...you might not be as much of a chem head as you look...yeah.

Gear: The Muscle Machines.

Adonis: That's your nickname. Call it...

Gear: The Muscle Machines.

Adonis: Uh, you might be right...ugh, guess we'll be the Muscle Machines...

END OF CLIP

---


NOTE: I'll have full results up later, forgot to send my recap to myself to fill that out.

Added an injury report at the end, as of now, all CRITICAL finishes are to be evaluated by rule of thumb(Thiago flash armbars and Ibrahim flash pins will not likely trigger an injury roll) and a single roll of dice. 1-2 = No Injury, 3-4 = Minor injury, minimum 1 show suspension, 5-6 = Major injury, minimum 1 month suspension

Many thanks for everyone who showed up and made Office Party #9 an enjoyable show to run! The Carlos Monzon - Harry Greb exhibition bout went well and the show itself didn't have a single dud, for once. Overall, one of the better shows I've run to date.

---

Office Party #9
for Friday, March 23, following ZIP Japan
Four matches broadcast live from the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center

The D-Team vs. The PEWA Originals
The D-Team(Mr. Moonsault, Daunte Thomas, Freight Train McMichaelson) vs. The PEWA Originals(Hobo Harry, Killer King Jones, Bodybreaker Brown)

Sparrow vs. Axe
The Soaring Sparrow, Rumika Hashi vs. The Croatian Axe, Minerva Markovic

Blues and Blood
The Blue Notes(Big Robert Montgomery, Eiji "Jay" Sato) vs. The Bingo Hall Mutants(Skullface Killah, Rampage Rage)

Main Event
Jean-Pierre Mutombo and El Froggy Mask vs. El Hijo de Macchiato and Poison Froggy Mask

Bonus Match
Thiago Gracie vs. The X-Treme Kid


Match of the Night: Rumika Hashi vs. Minerva Markovic
-The two ladies put on an even contest filled with kicks and carnage, neither one slowing down or letting up during the duration. Very evenly matched duo who should find themselves doing battle again in the near future. Honorable mention for the Blue Notes vs. Bingo Hall Mutants match for being a tremendous tag bout, too.
Performer of the Night: The Bebop Tiger, Eiji "Jay" Sato
-Any doubt about that? Sato wrestled a phenomenal match, and ended up shortening the career of the massive Skullface Killah with a horrific Birdland Special suplex.

Injury Report:
-Daunte Thomas: [No Suspension] Had the wind knocked out of him by Bodybreaker Brown's Snap Cracker
-Skullface Killah [Suspended Indefinitely, Minimum One(1) Month] Was suplexed on his head by Eiji "Jay" Sato and received a major concussion. The Senatorial Office highly recommends that outside organizations avoid booking Killah until cleared.

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Some events over the weekend from the BDW megashow, Two Nights in Tokyo event concerning the Office:

-G.P. Christopher and Diego Santana took part in the opening bout for Two Nights in Tokyo and reportedly won the crowd over with a fast paced shootout. Christopher was ecstatic to earn the respect of the Japanese crowd and has stated a desire to stay in the Land of the Rising Sun for a tour with local fed Lightning Pro

-Thiago Gracie did not fare as well, being blown out in a one sided squash. Some say his overnight flight to Japan following a match at Office Party #9 was partly to blame, others citing his heavy involvement in starting Ultimate Combat Shoot Style having cut into his training, but most say that he simply had a bad showing.

-Cowboy Johnston and Simba Mufasa took on Josh "God of War" Belmonte and the Hangman in what will go down as one of the most gutsy, bloody performances in recent memory. Johnston reportedly told Mufasa to stay out of his way before the match, taking out a personal vendeta against Hangman, who was a nemesis from the AAW Ironman Tournament, and his hated rival, Belmonte, who he has called out in recent weeks. Johnston amazingly fought off both men despite suffering terrible blood loss, coloring the mat like a Mark Rothko painting, and while he eventually fell, many are cheering his almost single handed effort as a landmark moment.

-Johnston, despite clearly suffering from the previous night, wrestled the next show, taking on Mr. Moonsault in an Office exhibition. Johnston and Marcus Xavier put on one of the best matches of Night Two, but eventually the Office Ace fell to the Wacker Drive Revival champion and his amazing moonsault press. Senator Phillips has stated that this win will guarantee Moonsault a spot on the upcoming rankings following Lariats and Legislators #4.


Stanford Bradley's Funny Factory:



SPOILER TAG IS HERE FOR A REASON!! DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE HORRIBLE ATTEMPTS AT COMEDY AND RANDOM INSULTS!!

This message has NOT been approved by the Senatorial Office, Senator Steve Phillips, Morgan "Midas" Matthews, or anyone with any semblance of intelligence or taste.

Last Warning: Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here






Exclusive Interview with Senator Steve Phillips
By Kevin “The Internet” Anderson

Balancing multiple aspects of a unique set of careers, Senator Steve Phillips has always been on the precipice of bridging the gap between the high society world of politics and the low society arena of professional wrestling. Or perhaps he simply demonstrates that there is little difference between the two. In any case, I present to you an exclusive interview with the head of the Senatorial Office.

Kevin Anderson: Thank you for sitting down with me here.

Senator Steve Phillips: It is my pleasure.

Anderson: Let me cut straight to the chase. For weeks now, I’ve been hearing rumors that you are considering retirement. What’s the truth of the matter?

Senator: Well, if you wish not to waste time, I will oblige you. The truth of the matter is that effective immediately, I want to announce my retirement from the active roster of the Senatorial Office.

Anderson: Just remember, people, you heard it here first! Senator Phillips, you said you are retiring from the active roster of the Office, what does that mean?

Senator: Let me clarify this statement. I will no longer compete on a regular basis for the Senatorial Office, and will no longer vie for a spot on the top fifteen rankings. I was already moving in this direction over the last few months. As the Office grows in reaching out to affiliates and with its outreach around the FPWA, I need to spend more and more time in the managerial role of things. It is not as if I was not already busy with my day job, after all.

Anderson: Of course. So you’re going to still work in the FPWA, right?

Senator: On a limited basis, yes. I do not plan to personally enter into every tournament that comes along, nor will I promote myself as the primary representative of the Office in the ring. But I do believe there is some value in making an appearance here and there.

Anderson: Now I just have a few more questions for you here. First, I want to ask you your opinion on the invasion of Josh Belmonte and his Harbingers. Your top star, Cowboy Johnston has been active in fighting Belmonte as of late, and the man who calls himself the God of War has made threats to appear in your organization. Also, I have personally heard some rumors that there are a few Office affiliated wrestlers that share some sympathy for Belmonte. What do you think?

Senator: Let it be said, with no equivocation that Belmonte is not welcome in the Senatorial Office under any terms. I stand with the Sentarl Family and Phoenix Rising and I stand with my fellow FPWA promoters who have condemned Belmonte’s reckless path of destruction. I am proud of the leadership that Cowboy Johnston has demonstrated concerning the matter, and I am proud to have him as the face of the Office. I also present this message to my roster: if any of you publically show up at Belmonte’s side, you will personally answer to me!

Anderson: Finally, I want to ask you a question about Stanford Bradley.

Senator: Are you serious?

Anderson: Very much so, although this is more about Midas Matthews than Stanford Bradley. I understand that you were going to sit out on the rest of Bradley’s contract, without booking him for the rest of this year, but Mr. Matthews decided to go behind your back and insert Bradley as a manager for Ibrahim Rahman in his upcoming match against Masa Tokugawa. Does this mean you and Matthews have some serious issues with each other?

Senator: You just had to ask that question, of course you did. Very well then, Kevin, my stance with Morgan Matthews is that he has certainly provided the resources and the direction to take the Senatorial Office to the next level. Without him, no national grasp, no FPWA outreach. But we do not always see eye to eye. Concerning Stanford Bradley, he has not proven himself worthy of regular appearances, whether it be in the ring, or behind a microphone. He is uncouth, bigoted and supremely irritating. He would find difficulty wrestling his way out of a waterlogged paper bag. But he is under contract, and Mr. Matthews finds some value in promoting him. So as such, he remains.

Anderson: Thank you for your answers and for your time.

Senator: Let me just say in closing that I am most certainly excited for Lariats & Legislators #4, which should take place sometime in the next few weeks. There will be title matches for Santana Family Wrestling, for the PEWA, and we have ourselves a match to determine the future ace of the Senatorial Office between Cowboy Johnston and Crusher Honda! This is our first attempt at a two day event, and at filling a larger venue. I have nothing but the highest expectations for my roster, and that of our guests, such as C.J. Fresh from SHTCWa, Candace Monroe from Phoenix Rising and Wataru Nakajima and White Trash from my good friends from ZIP Japan…and that, my friends, is nothing…but the truth.






Thanks for the comments, you guys should always know that I really do appreciate any sort of feedback and reactions.



And this is a fascinating little teaser...I think I have a clue what this is leading to, maybe.

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Some quick bits of Office News, future events and Lariats & Legislators #4:

-The show following Lariats & Legislators #4 will be a Wacker Drive Revival crossover event. Expect a defense of the Loop title between the D-Team and the Internationale in a three match series, with Daunte Thomas vs. Joseph Harpo, Freight Train McMichaelson vs. the Stakhonovite Warrior and Mr. Moonsault vs. Humberto Ortega being the possible matchups, with the first team to two wins getting the trophy.

-Management is working on a future event tentatively going by the working title of "Community Politics," and will focus on matches involving outside workers from the FPWA. The rumored main event here will feature Texas International, Cowboy Johnston, Lance Marshall(Phoenix Rising) and Kiyoshi Takada(Royal Ring) against the Bingo Hall Butchers, Rampage Rage, Skullface Killah and Jack Slash(BDW), but this will be dependent upon contractual agreements being signed in time, as well as the full recovery of Skullface Killah from his concussion protocol.

-Thiago Gracie and Dangerous Nicholas Alger are set to face off for the inaugural Ultimate Combat Shoot Style Openweight title. They recently met at the Beltway press room for a short conversation.

Dangerous Nicholas Alger: We aren't some fancy talkers, so let's just get to the meat of things here. Me and Thiago both saw a need for something that better fit our style. The low rules pro wrestling thing is cool and all, but we wanted something with a bit more structure, a bit less chaos. And the Office already had some good martial artists, so we talked to people like Masa Tokugawa, Francine Francis, Minerva Markovic, Ong Daengsri, my own daughter Nicole, and we got the OK from Senator Phillips to start this thing up.

Thiago Gracie: Thiago has no problem for regular pro wrestling, but like the shoot style more. More focus for submission, for pureness of fight.

DNA: And while we're going back closer to the rules of the early days of Gotch and Hackenschmidt, we aren't afraid to run a tag match or a little four person battle royale here and there. We're gonna take what works from modern pro wrestling, and take what works from the martial arts world, and blend it together. We'll contest most of our matches under Full Contact Martial Arts rules, three rounds of five minutes, pin, submission and knockout all honored.

Thiago: But armbar is best.

DNA: Ok, here we go. Here we go again. Thiago, you go on and on about your armbar, but you know what? When you face the Dangerous One to determine our Openweight title, you'll have to worry about my submission game, I'll lock you in the Bermuda Triangle! You'll have to worry about my striking game, I'll take your head clean off with a Dangerous Kick! You'll have to deal with my wrestling base, and maybe I'll dust off the good ol' Dangerous Bomb to pin you! I'm a triple threat! You're really good at what you do, but you're one dimensional, my friend!

Thiago: You think you survive Jiu-Jitsu of Thiago? You make mistake! Thiago leaves Lariats with belt in hand, with your arm in other hand!

DNA: Oh, so it's gonna be like that, hah! I'll mount your head on my fireplace after I kick it off your shoulders, how do you like that?

Thiago: Thiago prove greatness of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu by beating you, by being first champion! DNA is ready for pulled apart by armbar of Thiago!

DNA: We got a translator over here? Anyone?

Thiago: Don't play for me! You know what Thiago say! You hear the words that come out of my mouth!

DNA: Yeah, yeah, just kidding, ol' buddy! But don't make any mistake, we get to Lariats and Legislators, and there'll be no playin' around, no jokes. You and me might be cool, but we got some old questions to answer, and we got a belt to fight for. I'd expect nothing less than your best, and you better believe you're getting the best the Dangerous One has to offer! Bring it!

Thiago: The truth of the fight will show at Lariats. Thiago will be the best Thiago can be. DNA will be the best DNA can be. The people will see what UCSS will be about, people will know that Thiago is great fighter, DNA is great fighter, UCSS is great fighting!


The Senator's remote office at the Beltway is often a rather chaotic place, occupied more often by the Capitalists, Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris than Phillips as they handle the day to day operations of the organization. This day is no exception to the rule, as the two plug away at their respective laptops on opposite sides of the Senator's desk, with Mina Fitsharris lazily slouched back in Phillips's big chair, looking at her phone. Before we can all become as bored as Mina looks at this scene, Senator Phillips bursts in through the door.

Senator Steve Phillips: All of you, stop what you are doing, and pay attention!

Mina Fitsharris: Yo, Sennie.

Anthony Kalb: This sounds like trouble.

Kevin Fitsharris: And I've got an idea what that trouble is.

Senator: I assume you all heard the message from Josh Belmonte. Am I correct?

Mina: He's tough. Beat me once. Not so tough that I'm pissing my pants because he made some little threats.

Kevin: Ok, I'm not going to need a pair of diapers...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit on edge now, maybe a lot on edge!

Kalb: Yeah, whatever, Kev, I saw the threat. Sounds sorta serious, but we do have plans, I know that much.

Senator: I think you might be underestimating what has happened here. I got a call at my other office earlier today concerning what Secret Service is taking as a literal death threat made towards a United States Senator. I spent the entire morning telling them and the Feds to back off, and that it was merely a bit of showbiz, empty invective and rhetoric, selling a product, nothing to take seriously. After all, this would not be the first time I have had to hold law enforcement off from interfering in a case like this within this realm of my career.

Kalb: Guessing that's not the end of it.

Senator: Correct. The thing is, this man is losing his grip on reality. Cowboy Johnston told me about the empty stare he cast through him during their match in Tokyo. He told me that this is something we should be very much be ready to deal with. Josh Belmonte is much as the Vandals and the Goths...

Mina: Hah, he sure dresses like one!

Senator: ...anyway, he is interested in the eradication of civilization, he wishes to destroy everything he comes into contact with, he considers obliteration the peak of his achievement, he is guided by the dark star of nihilism. He has proven that he will not stop with a mere victory, he will not cease once someone is down. He attempted to end the career of Firehawk Sentarl, the life of Eri Sentarl, and nobody knows what he did with Doc Crystal. He painted the mat with the blood of Mr. Johnston. While I do not need fear him away from the world of professional wrestling, I reluctantly state that the Senatorial Office must, and I repeat, must take him seriously!

Kevin: So, might as well mention what I came across earlier. Seems to me there's some rumors that there's a member of the Office roster who's been very sympathetic to Belmonte. Dunno why someone would like that freaky monster, but that's what's been going around on the dirtsheets and I've heard a few things from some people I trust that back them up.

Senator: Hmm...very well then. So we not only must bolster our ranks against the barbarians at the gates, but we must also fear the enemy from within. A house divided cannot stand, but we must make the attempt nevertheless.

Kalb: Hate to say this, but do you trust Midas Matthews? Could he be privately supporting Belmonte?

Senator: No, I do not believe that. I do believe we will not be able to count on him or anyone he has personally contracted. Do I trust him? A question for another day.

Mina: You do know he's said he wants a shot at you, Sennie. You just told us you're done, you sure you'll let him drag you back out into the ring?

Senator: First off, I never retired from wrestling. Simply from active Office competition! How many times do I have to explain the fine points of that decision?

Mina simply shrugs her shoulders, rolling her eyes.

Senator: But I will say this, I will not allow my show to be hijacked. I will not allow my company to be infiltrated. I will not bargain with a madman. But I will say this: Belmonte, if you think you are unstoppable, if you want to see what happens when you attempt to play your games with the Senatorial Office, you will not divide and conquer! You will not isolate us! Instead, you will face numbers for numbers, you will pit your people versus my people, you will wage war against us, not simply against me! Do take note: at Lariats and Legislators #4, when the final match is over, when all is said and done, we will be waiting. This is not an invitation! I do not wish to be burdened by your presence! But I promise, should you make your appearance, we will be ready. We will take the proper precautions, and...

Phillips unbuttons his sportcoat, and throws it on the ground.

Senator: And I tell you now that if you have the fortitude to trespass where you are not welcome, to walk into enemy territory when I have personally made my own preparations, then you had best be ready to face the consequences! You think I stepped out of competition because I am scared of you? This is my company! I stopped competing with my own talent because I was not going to hold them back! I was not going to take their spot! I was not going to slow them down! But now you come here and you want to destroy each and every one of my people, the people I help train, the people I help promote, the people I care about here in my Senatorial Office! You think that you can fight a war by asymmetric tactics against vastly larger entities and prevail, but just remember, you can damage us many times over before you cause real harm! We take one of yours out, and your threat diminishes exponentially!

Senator: But you know that, oh yes, you do! And that is why you want Firehawk alone in the ring, that is why you want Will Craddock by himself, that is why you now wish to threaten me into placing myself into the same situation! You know that you will never win the numbers game, but you can beat the leader! So yes, you want to beat the leader...you can do that elsewhere.

Senator: Play your mind games somewhere else. They shall not work here. For when you deal with Senator Steve Phillips, you deal with the news maker, headline breaker, office taker, world shaker, you deal with the roughest, toughest, most intelligent son of a gun to set foot inside the squared circle, you deal with a man who has been there, done it all, and has no wish to do it again, and that, sir, is nothing...but the truth.




News from the Senatorial Office:

-The Senatorial Office has announced a talent sharing agreement with Phoenix Rising. Moving forward, Candace Monroe and Kyle Anderson will officially be booked on future Office shows as featured competitors. At the same time, the Office has promised to deliver a number of yet to be announced competitors for Phoenix Rising's Proving Ground program.

-Word has it that Senator Phillips has been pressuring Morgan "Midas" Matthews to place a sizable investment into a production increase for Lariats and Legislators #4, but it is unknown if Midas responded positively to the request.

-Candace Monroe will not have to wait until her match with Ruthless Nicole Alger at Lariats and Legislators #4 to find competition within the roster. During this week, an eight person league will be held behind closed doors to determine the first #1 contender to face the winner of the upcoming Universal Combat Shoot Style Openweight title bout between Thiago Gracie and Dangerous Nicholas Alger at L&L#4. Another notable entry into this tournament is Shaolin Kung Fu expert and former Hong Kong movie stuntman Gang Wong, who will be making an Office debut, along with boxers Ricky Valdez and Joseph Butt.

UCSS Openweight Contender's League Participants:
-Candace Monroe(Phoenix Rising)
-Ong Dangsri
-Francine Francis
-Masa Tokugawa
-Minerva Markovic
-Gang Wong
-Ricky "Violence" Valdez
-Jumbo Joseph Butt

-Tomas the Tiny Giant and Luke Powers engaged in an altercation at the end of a recent PEWA show. Here's a basic transcript, taken from the aftermath of a Powers victory over Rampage Rage:

Luke Powers: And that is, you see, that is the reason why I am going to hold onto this belt! I've had this belt for over a year, defended it over and over again against everyone who mattered in the PEWA! I'm the undisputed ace of this company! I'm not just strong, I'm good! I'm not just good, I can get rough with the best! I'm not just comfortable with the rough stuff, I can compete anywhere! And you know, I don't win them all when I test myself like that. But I've fallen down in life before, I've kept it real, and keeping it real means that you better be able to look in that mirror and accept what you see. And I can do that, because when I'm looking in that mirror, I'm pumping iron, hitting the pullup bar, making myself better! Which is more that I can say about that sorry ass sucka clown they call the Tiny Giant! Yeah, I see you hanging out back there, Tomas, come on, step up like a man!

Tomas walks out to the ring, microphone in one hand, light tube in the other. He stops right in front of the apron.

Tomas: the man of powers speaks too much...tomas does not like the people who speak things but cannot be what they say they are...AND MAN OF POWERS IS NOT POWERFUL AT ALL! HE LOSES THE UGH MATCH IN THE FIRST ROUND OF UGH! HE IS NOT POWERFUL AS CHAMPIONS OF UGH! no, man of powers is nothing at all...nothing, nothing, nothing...

Powers: I'm gonna be straight up here, Tomas, you sound like you're on some sort of a bad trip! What in the hell are you going on about? Nah, don't tell me, I don't want to hear it! Screw you Tomas, you keep whining and crying because you lost some belts on Monday Night Wrestling! You know what that does? You've been the biggest name in the PEWA with the wins that got you those damn belts! You won the Tournament of Death in AAW! But then your bitch ass has to start crying and freaking out because, guess what, unless you're Floyd Mayweather, you lose your belt some day! So grow some balls, and be a friggin man, you whiny bastard!

Tomas: the plan of tomas is not for you to know...no, i know things, things that people don't know, but tomas knows...

Powers: Again. Speak like you want someone to understand you!

Tomas: MAN OF POWERS WILL UNDERSTAND THIS!

The Tiny Giant rolls into the ring, swinging the light tube at Powers, who ducks underneath it, and hoists Tomas into an Argentine rack for the Powers Bomb '05. But when he goes to shift into the powerbomb portion of the move, Tomas, who never let go of the light tube, smashes his favorite weapon right into the face of the PEWA Extreme champion. The two crash to the mat, Powers holding his face, as Tomas jumps up and stomps his ribs. Before long, the entire PEWA locker room runs out to the ring, separating the two, just in time for Luke Powers to break free, seeing red through his bloody forehead, and knocks down Tomas, and half the wrestlers holding him back with a flying shoulder block. Finally, PEWA president Biff Taylor gets to the ring, separating the two.

Biff: Alright, yeah, you two dudes had your say, got to have a little bit of the ol' ultraviolence, but we gotta save this stuff for the big event, got that? Good.


A small interlude from the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center:

Morgan "Midas" Matthews is seen alongside his two ever-present associates, Irkalla and Perspehone, standing at ringside while Ibrahim Rahman finishes up a set of Judo drills with trainer Mr. Nobunaga. Nobunaga and the Desert Mirage conclude their exercise, bow and shake hands, and the two exit to speak with Midas.

Morgan "Midas" Matthews: A splendid workout, from what I can see! You will be very much prepared to defeat Masa Tokugawa, yes you will.

Mr. Nobunaga: Yes! He is good to fight! Ibrahim does not have a strong throw, but he has the best counter throws! Everything someone tries to do to him ends up in counter! Very tricky!

Midas: Yes, that is exactly what I hoped he would be like. Now, thank you for your service, Nobunaga, you are a great trainer, a great one, you certainly are! I do think I will be heading back myself, now. As happy as I am to see my investment pay dividends, I have other business to address.

While Mr. Nobunaga heads back to the showers, Rahman steps up and motions to the head of Golden Touch Promotions.

Ibrahim Rahman: Wait.

Midas: Ibrahim, I don't have time here, it was enough of a drain on my time to watch your training, and I must return to managing my business.

Rahman: No...Mr. Matthews. I have...problem.

Midas: You are a tremendous talent, but I really do not have any more time today to listen to you try to grasp the basics of communicating in English, Ibrahim.

Rahman: I...understand. But...I have...big problem.

Midas: Now what would, oh yes, I know exactly what this is about. I believe you are a bit, well, displeased with my choice of manager for Lariats and Legislators, are you not?

Rahman: Yes.

Midas: And as such, you do not understand why I would be so negligent as to appoint such an incompetent, obnoxious, repellent individual as Stanford Bradley as your manager, am I correct?

Rahman: Yes. He is...not good...for manager. Better...have none. I do not...understand why...you do this if you want...me to win.

Midas: Splendid! Because that was my intended point! You let me down, and let me down badly in the FPWA March Madness tournament! That was supposed to be your triumphant arrival on the world stage! But you know you failed there. What you need to know now is how to succeed when the pressure is truly on your shoulders, with the odds stacked against you! You need to be able to prove me wrong and demonstrate why you were worth my time, effort, and most importantly, my hard earned wealth. If you can do that with Stanford Bradley in your corner, perhaps I will again be at ringside. But until then, you will have to deal with Stanford. And I will focus on Crusher Honda's match, which is more important, and she herself is more proven than you are. Do what it takes, and you may someday reap the benefits. But until then, you will pay your dues, do you understand?

Rahman: Yes. I understand. Owe honor for you. Do not like some...of things you do. But...still owe debt.

Midas: And as long as that debt is owed, I will continue to ensure you work for me to pay it off. Just ensure that you do not ever let me down again.

With those chilling parting words, Midas motions to Persephone and Irkalla, and the three of them leave the Beltway, with Ibrahim Rahman looking off into the distance, an inscrutable look in his eyes.




UCSS Gym League Results, Pan African Wrestling News
By Kevin "The Internet" Anderson

Universal Combat Shoot Style held a closed doors gym tournament on Friday, April 6 at the Beltway Full Contact Martial Arts Center, no fans or press allowed in. While World Wrestling Daily Digest was unable to directly report on this, I have now been allowed to post the information that the Senatorial Office and UCSS has given me on the event. The fights were considered sparring exhibitions, held under a fifteen minute time limit and set to conclude by pinfall, submission, or a single hard knockdown. The last rule was the most important, ensuring that injuries would be unlikely, and also favoring strikers.

Some pictures, courtesy of Anthony Kalb and Kevin Fitsharris.


-The Senatorial Office is considering a possible Office Party #10 before Lariats and Legislators #4, as preparation for the large scale event has been taking longer than expected.
-Bad news from Monday Night Wrestling for fans of the African Supersensation, Jean-Pierre Mutombo, who was injured in his attempt at defeating Tomas the Tiny Giant for his Speedway Title. While the doctor's report is still pending, Mutombo may take the next month off from Office action to begin setting up for his Pan African Wrestling project, slated to take place in the summer.
-Speaking of Pan African Wrestling, the initial PAW tour already has an impressive list of FPWA and Office names involved. Jean-Pierre Mutmobo, Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi and Ibrahim Rahman were all considered core members of the project, but fellow Office members G.P. Christopher, Mr. Moonsault, El Froggy Mask and Valerie May have all been confirmed for the tour. In addition, ZIP Japan's Thunder Fist and AAW's Simba Mufasa both have been announced as guests.
-Ali Ahmed Mehrmohammdi has been scouting a number of nations for Pan African Wrestling talent and tour spots, having visited South Africa, Cameroon, Egypt and Uganda in the last month.

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